Apfelwein is the DEVIL!!!

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JoeMama

JoeMama

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Even though I am posting this *post* ****edupedness its still appropriate that it go here. I will be not the first, but one of the many to say that Apfelwein is the DEVIL!!

Now before you ask, OF COURSE I DIDNT HEED EDWORTS ADVISE! (And boy do I wish I would have!)

'Mass consumption of Apfelwein will get you drunk at warp speed' - "No! Warp speed is too slow! We need Ludicrous speed!" Needless to say, I went plaid last night.

I decided to siphon off a gallon and a pitcher from my 5gal jug that has been fermenting for over a month. (Nice and clear) :) Took it over to the wifes friends house and basically I was the only one drinking there. So, I proceeded to put the pitcher down and start on the gallon of Apfelwein. I managed to suck down half of that before the wife got embarrassed and took me home. (I was rather tanked at this point)

From there, I remember walking into the bathroom to pee, then make an about face to hug the porcelain. After that, I woke up on the floor (still halfway in the bathroom) with a blanket over me. (Thank you fams)

I can sit and laugh about this now, but damn If I didnt scare my daughter in the process. Daddy doesnt make it a habit to get so smashed that he wakes up halfway in the bathroom cause its too much effort to crawl 10 feet to the bed. Wow... The worst part of it is I didnt see it coming. It goes down so smooth and wonderful then *POOF* (Youre POOF)

Apfelwein wears Prada... Be warned newcomers! As it was stated before - Apfelwein doesnt play nice with others. In fact Apfelwein runs around the house with scisors screaming obscenities.
Time to go back to my beers that I drink to ENJOY (Not get goofy at Ludicrous speed)
-Me
 
I think you're one of a million with this thread. It's happened to all of us at some point. Relax and have a tylenol. :D
 
Dude...come on. You HAD to know that was going to happen. After a pitcher you started into a GALLON JUG?:drunk: You are familiar with what ABV means, right?! Gotta treat this stuff like it's a Tripel or something.

Dontcha just f***in hate it when you're the only one drinking? Social gatherings so often have so much unrealized potential.
 
I have been wanting to make this stuff but I am scared for myself. I have a habit of sleepwalking and doing some pretty crazy ass **** when I get blackout drunk. This stuff (like drinking Bill Murrays all night - equal parts of OJ, tripelsec,UV blue, and Midori for those interested in having a **** you up drink that tastes like those Ecto-Cooler juice boxes from the 80's and 90's when ghostbusters was popular) honestly scares the **** out of me.
 
Mmm Apfelwein

Apfelwein.jpg


Hangover.jpg
 
Coastarine said:
Dude...come on. You HAD to know that was going to happen. After a pitcher you started into a GALLON JUG?:drunk: You are familiar with what ABV means, right?! Gotta treat this stuff like it's a Tripel or something.

Dontcha just f***in hate it when you're the only one drinking? Social gatherings so often have so much unrealized potential.
Click to expand...

Well, yes I guess I DID know that something like this was going to happen... I guess I just didnt expect it to happen like *that*.

Warp speed is to slow...
I now have a newfound respect for Apfelwein. Oh do I ever!
-Me
 
JoeMama said:
Well, yes I guess I DID know that something like this was going to happen... I guess I just didnt expect it to happen like *that*.

Warp speed is to slow...
I now have a newfound respect for Apfelwein. Oh do I ever!
-Me
Click to expand...

kicking a keg as I type.
 
RedIrocZ-28 said:
I have been wanting to make this stuff but I am scared for myself.....This stuff honestly scares the **** out of me.
Click to expand...

Be afraid.... VERY AFRAID....:drunk:
ouch.jpg


(While I am sure running in socks down the hardwood stairs may have had something to do with this, I WAS on my way to get my 2nd apfelwein... I'm just sayin....)

:mug:
 
Duckfoot said:
Be afraid.... VERY AFRAID....:drunk:
ouch.jpg


(While I am sure running in socks down the hardwood stairs may have had something to do with this, I WAS on my way to get my 2nd apfelwein... I'm just sayin....)

:mug:
Click to expand...

WOW! Brutal. Does Ed know about this? haha
 
Duckfoot said:
Be afraid.... VERY AFRAID....:drunk:
ouch.jpg


(While I am sure running in socks down the hardwood stairs may have had something to do with this, I WAS on my way to get my 2nd apfelwein... I'm just sayin....)

:mug:
Click to expand...

Tell me about it! the below required 6 stitches and is remarkably similar in shape to the jagged edge of a broken pint glass.

I was on the way to pint # 3 of Apfelwein.... lightning flashed in the sky... I went "ooh shiny stuff!!!" completely missed the stairs on the patio and found myself kissing the driveway with my pint glass stuck in my hand. I was VERY lucky... no tendons cut.

May16_0002.jpg
 
The problem most people that want to edwort a Mrf**ker in the morning is that they are drinking wine the same way they are drinking beer. Don't do that! Have you ever drank wine out of a beer glass? A wine bottle only fills two beer glasses!
 
The problem most people that want to edwort a Mrf**ker in the morning is that they are drinking wine the same way they are drinking beer.
Click to expand...
That's what I was thinking..I drink beer out of pint glasses and wine out of 4oz wine glasses. Apfelwein is wine, not beer. I'm betting that's why Ed didn't call if Apfelbrew.
 
Oh, don't I know the devil that it is! Once I sweetened a keg of it with a bit of pomegranate juice and my neighbor and I tore into it on the "party porch" with a few other folks around. Another friend dropped by with two wild hogs he'd shot and El Hubbo and my neighbor's husband set to work cleaning/slaughtering. It was a high old time. Realizing that I was pretty deep into my cups, I tottered on home across the field (but only after, apparently, becoming loud with hyena-like laughter as my neighbor and I swapped embarrassing sex tales. Of course, I don't recall this and doubt it really happened. Ahem. Well, maybe.)

Anyway, at one point prior to going home, I noted that El Hubbo (also imbibing the devil's drink) was feeding hog tidbits to the doggies and I asked him to be a bit more judicious about it. This advice, I was to discover later, was not heeded. Long story short, El Hubbo followed me home a couple of hours later and crawled, clothed, into bed. Some time after that, I heard the most disgusting sound ever come out of the kitchen. I got up, a tad wobbly, and was hit by a foul stench. There, in the early morning light filtering in, I was greeted by what looked to be most of a hog leg, partly digested and with other piggy parts in a puddle in the kitchen and a forlorn, apologetic-looking 110 lb lab mix gazing at what had been his dinner earlier.

Looking back, there has been some speculation that the pomegranate juice added something to the mix. It has been called "the fruit of life" and thought to have magical properties by some cultures.
 
Ugh, yes I totally realized after the fact that Apfelwein is in fact to be respected. No, I cannot drink it like a beer because when you drink beer in that quantity it doesnt take as long for it to catch up with you. Apfelwein on the other hand... It lets you think that you have the upper hand until you wake up in a strange place wondering how in the hell you got there. *Shudders* I think I am going to avoid the Apfelewein for the time being as it is dangerous to me. Not to mention I used it inappropriately - I brew beer because I like better beer (not more beer) and it seemed to defeat my purpose for taking up brewing in the first place.

Some brews demand respect, Apfelwein COMMANDS respect.
Lesson learned :)
-Me
 
this thread made me really excited to bust into my batch tomorrow. I have to elevate it once i arrive back but i hope to do this really carefully so i can siphon it in the evening!!!
 
a few weeks ago, we ended up doing keg stands of apfelwein after a very aggressive night of drinking.

my "alarm clock" the next day was a series of angry calls from my neighbors.
 
I put half my batch into 2L soda bottles which worked out really nice. Polished off most of one, about 4 15oz glasses, in one sitting with zero ill effect. Plenty drunkenness but no illness! Apfelwein is da shizzle!
 
I think every person who has made this stuff has had this experience.

My experience..... (brewing on a Tuesday night)

I was brewing, started drinking beer then switched to quarts of AW at the start of the boil. I felt I was in good control of my buzz. Finished the boil, added the wort to the fermentor, just about done with clean up and was waiting for the wort temp to drop before I could pitch the yeast....

(about 11PM)

I was on the couch watching TV....

Next thing I know its 7AM Wednesday morning. Sunlight beaming in my face and all I could think is WTF.

I had to go to the trash can looking for the smack pack because it was nowhere to be found and I didn't recall pitching it at all.

It was there.

From that point on I NEVER bottle AW in quarts. I do it in 12 oz bottles only. That way I can stop at 3.

I have never drink AW if I drink beer. AW is 2 or 3 bottle night. Nothing more.
 
I read the OP and was ROFLOL'ing. :cross: Perhaps I should add "Be Sure to wear a helmet if you chose to disregard the general warnings"

DesertBrew said:
Mmm Apfelwein

Apfelwein.jpg
Click to expand...

Great Shot DesertBrew! A real Apfelwein glass and a stone bembel! Sweet! Is that a friend of yours?
 
EdWort said:
Great Shot DesertBrew! A real Apfelwein glass and a stone bembel! Sweet! Is that a friend of yours?
Click to expand...

Nope - I think I just googled raging drunk apfelwein guy and that dude popped up. Personally I think he looks like he's ready for bowling.
:tank:
 
in 19 days its Apfelwine day... and im doing 5 gallons of this... I have never done ed's apfelwine before but maybe after it ages for a month or so, so say when term gets over for spring and i am done with exams, maybe i will have a life then and i will crack it open and get me and some friends completely tossed... and then i can sing a Tosser's song...

Cheers
 
I must say that I slightly disagree. Apfelwein is the demon spawn of he who is apparently the Prince of Darkness himself, Ed Wort! no offense Ed. I love the wein!
 
In Germany, around the Frankfurt area, where Apfelwein is the local drink, there are basically Apfelwein drinking houses. People sit there all night drinking the stuff. No such thing as a "session" Apfelwein. Mine's still in the carboy with still about a month to go. I'm padding all the sharp edges around the house in light of all these posts. Even bought myself one of those stoneware bembels and the geripptes. Couldn't find them in the states, had to order direct from Germany.
 
Does that really count? I guess it doesn't matter what point in the brewing process you dilute the alcohol. But with beer it's at the beginning, n'est pas?
 
I plan on bringing about 10gal of this to the annual canoe trip with all my old drinking buddies.

Gonna unleash it on the group and sit back and watch the chaos ensue :rockin:
 
IIRC, EdWort's recipe is 8.5%. Straight apple juice would make ~6%.

Took a keg of apfelwein to a euchre game and "failed" to inform my friends of it's potency. I won. :D
 

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