Intervention

Anyone ever take part in or even better arrange an intervention?

 

I've been involved in a couple, but it's been my experience that the interventionees tend to say the things that the interventioners want to hear at the moment and then decide for themselves later to not follow through. You can't fix people if they really don't want to be fixed. I hope that it works out better for the person you want to help than for the ones I've been involved with trying to help.

 

I've been to a couple, though I've never arranged one. Advice for an arranger would be to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding core principles: keep the interventionee off of defensive footing, keep it supportive, etc. Anyone actively angry with the person getting the intervention (and, given the need for an intervention, that often applies) should stay away.

 

I would also add, keep in mind, the entire time, how embarrassed and ashamed you'd be if all your loved ones knew your secret "sins" and were confronting you. Most people, initially, don't receive it in the spirit in which is was intended.

 

Some of us tried for my Dad. Only served to piss him off. It weren't the first time.

Lessons learned.

They have to want to help themselves and be willing and able to.

You also have to get to the root. Understand why they are doing what they do and how to fix that. Substance abuse is often a symptom of another problem. Until the root problem is solved or some serious work to solve it, with a final solution, is in sight, the symptom will recur.

 

And +1 to what was said already.

 

Thanks guys.

Zuljin, your point about getting to the underlying issue is definitely key. Thankfully, in this situation, we all know exactly what it is. My friend was involved in a bad car crash right after we graduated high school. Long story short, he went through hell for almost 10 years before finally losing his leg to the infections. This ordeal caused a horrible depression which he has refused to admit to this point. Added to the problem is the fact that he received a large lawsuit payout, over $3 million. The money gave him the ability to not confront his issues, and only made things far worse. At this point its mostly been gone for years, but he did manage to make one good investment that pays him enough cash per month to barely survive with some left over to blow on pills.

We're hoping that if enough of us confront him (all friends, his family are all enablers) that he will realize he's slowly dying and agree to go to rehab for a long time. I have enough committed friends who are really going to write him off (me included) if he doesn't agree to go. I just need to find a professional interventionist now...

 

Sounds like you nailed some key things.

Ten years of fighting to lose a limb. Kinda like, damn, I fought and fought and this is what I got. A stump. That could leave a person feeling defeated. No pun intended.

Losing a limb has got to suck.

$3 mil at a presumably young age and now most of it's gone. I bet he feels real bad about that. Wishes he'd of done so and so and knows he can't go back for a re-do. And using the money as shield against dealing with some of the issues.

Yeah, I could see getting depressed about all that.

On the up side. Still alive. Nothing terminal, that can't be fixed anyway. Nice prosthetics available. One good investment. Friends. There's a lot of hope there. Play on that.

And yeah, as much distrust as I have for the mental health business, that professional interventionist is probably worth a talking to.

 

I can see how the accident would have some contributions to drug and alcohol abuse. My husband was in a motorcycle accident about five years ago and his foot was amputated that night. He had several other injuries and it wound up being about a year before he could get a prosthetic. A couple years ago, his good friend broke his foot falling down stairs and it never healed. So he had it taken off last year. He made that decision to be rid of pain and he knew that a fake leg was fine due to my husband. They have both been great about it, and close friends and family tease them and they tease each other. They do everything they did before. Just wanted to put in my experience. It may have been the long term pain and meds along with a propensity for substance abuse as well as (presumably) not working that contributed to the problem for your friend. I hope you can get through to your friend and that he wants to live a better life.