Don't Do That.

Take a 3 ft section of iron pipe and cap one end. Stick the capped end into the ground. drop a lit M80 into the open end immediately followed by a D-cell battery. Very important: don't stand the pipe vertically, but leaning several degrees to one side ("why" is obvious). The battery will shoot upwards out of site and about 15 seconds later you can here it hit the ground out in the distance. Weeell, yea, maybe, do that!

 

Don't come home at 3:30 am after drinking all night with your buddies and wake up your wife and say, "b*tch, fix me breakfast."

Don't do that.

 

Throw lit M80s out the car window at night so your buddy driving behind you has to dodge the explosions. Don't do that!

 

At 2AM use an elevated railroad crossing as a take-off ramp traveling at 120 mph in a car. Don't do that! especially if its in the middle of town.

 

Not making space in the fermentation closet for a batch, leaving it out on a table under a towel in plain sight of a very large and playful kitteh who loves loves loves to inspect bubblings, nuzzle and rub against and sniff things.....

Wake up to find a gallon of mead on the living room floor.

Don't do that.

:rockin:

Husbands need to be chaperoned by responsible people, like their own children.

And film it with a slow-mo camera. DO THAT!!

 

Just another tip from your Uncle Larry!

I was doing laundry and someone told me I should separate my underwear from my jeans. I told them I would, but I don't have a stick. Touch my underwear with my bare hands? Don't do that... you could burn your skin!

 

I hate when that happens.




My cat just chews on airlocks. Never popped one out. But just in case I now cover the carboy with a big garbage bag and wrap a bungee around it. No more kitteh airlock chew toys.

 

Connect the wort pump backwards between the brew kettle and plate chiller. by the time you figure it out you have to deal with really hot hose connections and hot wort to correct it. Don't do that!

 

• Buy expensive brewing equipment
• Rush home to intercept the UPS guy before you wife gets there
• Lie to your wife about the price
• Leave the packing receipt in your pants pocket...

Don't do that!

 

You seem to have ready access to M80s......

 

Start filling your BK with the valve accidentally open, and then walk away for 20 min. Downstairs neighbors complained about bubbles forming on their ceiling. Don't do that.

 

Don't stand in an ant bed after a dozen beers trying to think if we have stinging nettles in South Georgia ... Don't Do That !

 

Leave the blow-off tube in the bucket of starsan while cold-crashing.

Don't do that.

 

When making your very first starter in an erlenmeyer flask, you notice it's starting to bubble up like it's going to boil over. Not recognizing how it will accelerate as it narrows going vertically, you try to grab it with a towel to move it off the burner. Funny how it just happens to boil over right on your damn thumb, taking skin with it in an immediate blister and leaving a scar to this day (8 years later).

Don't do that.

 

Proudly running your finger along the smoothest bead of weld you've ever produced within about a second of finishing it....

Don't do that.

 

pooping while running at full speed. do that. I want a good laugh.

 

Yup. Definitely one of those " here's your sign, dad" moments. Or, like me, you walk with a cane & try to pick a 10lb wet grain bag out of a kettle with ice water on the floor. Thus spilling some precious wort & you wind up doing the splits on the way to falling. Don't do dat...

 

Well; that was back when real M80s were legal in the US. I think they were banned in the late 60's and I had heard you could still get them through the early 70's for a while. Eventually, some weak a$$ crap was marketed as M80s. Looking back I could see why they were banned. I was just a kid back then and it was a wonder I didn't hurt myself. Actually, looking back, it was a wonder I made it past puberty.

Remember kids: Do as I say, not as I did.

 

Even into the late 70's, we could get M80's & M300's around here. Take that, fire ants!

 

Shhhhhh! "They" are watching...

 

Fire up your propane burner then something starts smelling like burning rubber. Hmmmm. Don't do that! Keep the tank AND the gas hose away from the burner.

 

I was gonna ask where one can find REAL M80's these days....

 

Speaking of leaving people unchaperoned...

Leave your kids home alone with 20 pounds of black powder and a curiosity about explosions. don't do that...

Fill a coke can up with black powder, wrap it with duct tape to get more compression, add a long length of canon fuse. Don't do that...

Place prepared black powder coke can bomb in a pan of gasoline to make the explosion more impressive. Really, don't do that...

Light black powder coke can bomb in a pan of gasoline in the middle of your neighborhood in a major midwestern city... I told you, don't do it!

Laugh your ass off as you hear your friends telling you that you shook windows blocks away at his house. Yeah you can do that. Just be sure to count your fingers and toes first...

 

This all reminds me of the 4th of July I spent working in the newsroom of our local paper. An ER doc at our largest hospital called me with periodic updates on injuries. His midnight call was an exasperated "so that's two eyes, 12 fingers, 3 toes, one puncture wound and a partridge in a pear tree. Goodnight."

 

Attach jumper cables to the sensors on railroad tracks to make the gates go down so you can funk with cars by putting stupid signs on the gates... don't do that... sometimes the car is the sheriff and he is less than appreciative of your joke.

 

So how many fingers do you...John...Is that you?

 

When in my early 20s I had a fascination with things that go boom. Some friends and I went to a gun shop that specialized in muzzle-loading, bought a couple pounds of black powder and a several feet of cannon fuse.

The owner gave me a funny look and asked "I don't suppose your next stop will be at the plumbing supply to get some threaded nipples and end caps?"

I thought I was busted.

He then proceeded to explain the safest (rather, least dangerous) way to assemble them.

We took them to a friend's uncle's farm and set them off. We made a few small craters in the ground, and thoroughly shredded a 5-gallon pail with one. Good times.

 

Substitute "friends uncle's farm" with "graveyard." Don't do that!

 

Schedule 40 PVC and some glue

 

Yep.

I had no cares at the time that a single spark could set those things off. Even just two of the pipes clanging together, and BAM!

 

Buy the chemicals and make your own.........

 

Yah---probably shouldn't do that......

 

empty half kegs in the fire will not work out so well either

don't do that

 

Swordfight with fluorescent tubes.

Don't do that.

 

nice kinda like light sabers

 

Especially if wired! :fro:

 

We were kinda high, but yeah, same diff.