Beer Bottle Sanatitation test

***********1. Enforce rules only against their foes (i.e., anyone who does not suck up to them) while exempting their friends from similar or worse behavior.

2. Silently boot someone and then proceed to trash talk the person as if the person was still there with an opportunity to respond.

3. Boot someone and then start a thread for the sole purpose of boasting about having removed the person, so as to bask in the praise of sychophantic members applauding the moderator's bold action.

4. If a person is being stalked or trolled, scold, warn and threaten both the victim and the perpetrator to stop it. If the victim protests, boot the victim for having defied the moderator's authority. Add injury to insult by allowing the troll or stalker to stay because the stalker or troll didn't talk back to the moderator.

5. If the moderator loses an argument to another member, selectively delete the member's comments so that the thread no longer makes any sense.

6. Selectively enforce the tribe's rules only against newcomers, newbies or people who are not friend with the moderator.

7. Speak about their actions as moderator in the passive voice, use the royal we, and otherwise take on a haughty, authoritarian tone. I mean, dude, you're just a moderator. ***************

Gross...


but I'll be interested to see the results

Agreed, gross. But not as gross as where I thought it was going...

photos will help us assess the situation... i was was worried you were going to contaminate a beer with excrement. i'm relieved that is not the case. phew.

Munsoned said:

Agreed, gross. But not as gross as where I thought it was going...

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Yeah. I was a little worried at first we'd next hear of men in white jackets knocking on your door.

Can't be any worse than OPB. Mmmm. Candida Pale Ale anyone?

Of course, I'll pass on the Hershey Squirts Stout.

mordantly said:

photos will help us assess the situation..

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HA HAHA photos of me spitting into a bottle or worse excreting into one.
"Hold still, this'll only hurt for a minute. "

[quote[. i was was worried you were going to contaminate a beer with excrement. i'm relieved that is not the case. phew.[/QUOTE]

Three day old poo left out in summer for the bugs to infect would be the definitive culture medium. But who would want to smell or taste it ?

"Here try this see if it seems OK to you?"


What if the bottle burst?

All reminds me of a bad joke I heard as a kid about this guy who had to take a cork out of a monkey's butt. Or was it a trained monkey trying to get the cork back in a pig's butt.
I can't recall which. Time must have healed those wounds. <<Thank god>>


Still I feel guilty contaminating the bottle of really good beer but, as I told the poor thing while capping it, "This is for SCIENCE."

Cliff897 said:

All reminds me of a bad joke I heard as a kid about this guy who had to take a cork out of a monkey's butt. Or was it a trained monkey trying to get the cork back in a pig's butt.

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This one? 'cause i love this joke

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, "replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. " He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..."

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Berserker_Brew said:

This one? 'cause i love this joke

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That's definitely a candidate.

If I recall (and curse your for forcing me to do so) it was something about a farmer who had got wealthy on his huge astoundingly large show pig by jamming a plug up its butt and kept feeding it.
He got so wealthy in fact that he could afford his own C130 to fly his pig to shows.
Well like the great guy he was, he let others also ship their show animals on his flying-freak-fauna-menagerie.

One time, the farmer's pal, the monkey trainer wanted to ship his trained monkey across the country to a wine tasting competition where the monkey would delight the attendees by uncorking all the bottles. ( don't ask me how it is delightful to watch some filthy animal jamming his gooey stink finger paws all over your wine - it is California - go figure)

<<<<< you know where this is going: same place all scatological pseudo humor goes >>>>

Well the monkey got out of his cage. The crew put the plane on Auto Pilot (the inflatable rubber pilot popped up from the dash as it always does when you are flying intercontinental and the crew needs some nappy time) and went in search of the damn monkey.

The plane crashed.

It was on the continental divide so they locals were confused about where to bury the survivors.

Anyway, the survivors, all of whom were found buried in a huge heaping pile of pig pooh which softened their fall, told different tales of how the crash occurred.

One told about the enormous streamers of Pooh squirting everywhere.
Another told of the plane bursting apart from internal pressure of all the pooh
and the cabin steward told about watching in horror as the dammed monkey was trying to jam the cork back in the pig's butt.

There~!!

You made me remember it and now it's all your fault.

You guys owe me a new lcd monitor...mine has coffee spewed all over it.

i thought this thread was heading towards a Jenkem experiment :cross:

Prosted

cowperc said:

i thought this thread was heading towards a Jenkem experiment :cross:

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The experiments are all conclusive on Jenkem.

The debate is over, the science is done, and the consensus is complete: Jenkem is the real deal~!! (just like that other boondoggle)
Make yourself up a batch today.

I seriously busted out laughing at work after reading that monkey joke.

oh my!

IXVolt said:

I seriously busted out laughing at work after reading that monkey joke.

oh my!

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I recall reading the Indianapolis times that said they never found the monkey.

The pig is alive and well and is an international diamond broker in Terrhaute

Of course we are all aware that some stiles of beer (used loosely here) rely on the enzymes and other beasts in your saliva.
Chewing over a Chicha

Cliff897 said:

Bottling today I took a bottle out of the line and labeled it for the test.
I filled it normally.
But before capping took it to my lips took a swig swooshed it around in my mouth and spit it back into the bottle then capped it. I hadn't brushed my teeth that day quite on purpose. Of course I have not a clue what was in my mouth at the moment. I do know that mouths tend to pick up whatever is in the air and trap it. So I'm pretty sure I got a bounty of wild micro flora.

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LayMeister said:

Of course we are all aware that some stiles of beer (used loosely here) rely on the enzymes and other beasts in your saliva.
Chewing over a Chicha

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Clearly I weren't a member of that "we" you referred to.

That's nasty. Makes some sense though. There will be yeast in your mouth trapped by the moist surfaces.

How they make Yogurt and Keifer in Turkey os really weird.
The raid an anthill snarf up the eggs and crush the goo into some milk.
the list of bacteria and yeasts in the anthill and on the eggs will make yogurt. They even have types they prefer over others.

As gorss as it seems it makes perfect sense. Ants have to have something going on that protects them from lethal molds and bacteria in a moist warm underground environment with foodstuffs being carried in constantly and poo all over the place all day every day.

I opened it. Psst
I poured it. burble burble burble
I sniffed it. I smelled good.
I tasted it. It was just a bit off. Some acrid flavor in the back of the tongue and much of the hoppiness was missing.
It was not so good. So I dumped it.

All in all I think it was a pretty good test.
Here's why:
1.) I have no idea what it proved - if anything about sanitation and contamination.
2.) I have no idea why I tasted what is was that I tasted.
3.) I do not know for certain that it was my deliberate contamination that did it but it was the only bottle from the whole batch that was "off"

Rejoice all you inquiring minds. A great contribution to science has been made.