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Old 01-22-2009, 03:58 AM   #1
Jaybird
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The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In f act, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or
motor sports


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.



This was an email sent to me. Thought you all might enjoy
Cheers
JJ
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Old 01-22-2009, 04:21 AM   #2
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I'll add one:

There is ABSOLUTELY no talking in the men's room!

I'm there to piss or ****, not answer questions about how my day is going.
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Old 01-22-2009, 04:37 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaybird View Post
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
Epic, and so true.

 
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Old 01-22-2009, 04:38 PM   #4
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1. I don't need to ask for directions. I can read a map.
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Old 01-22-2009, 04:48 PM   #5
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OMG, this one is classic:

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

For example: When driving, and you say we need to go to Costco...I will find out the fastest possible way to get there with my built in navigation-enabled brain. I don't want to go on the scenic route by the park, I also don't want to go by the Starbucks drivethru(ok, well sometimes) on the way there. I am a precision navigation and driving machine spinning at 10,000rpm...please don't upset my wah.
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:42 PM   #6
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Quote:
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
I call this one: The Burnt Weenie Sandwich rule.
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Old 01-22-2009, 08:00 PM   #7
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you summed it up good.... now send it viral on the net !

 
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Old 01-23-2009, 02:36 AM   #8
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That should be nailed to the wall of every womens room in the country..........
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Old 01-23-2009, 02:42 AM   #9
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1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .


Fo Sho! If you're asking me for fashion advice then you're so fouled up nobody can help, especially a guy who wears white teeshirts all day!
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Old 01-23-2009, 02:51 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmb View Post
1. I don't need to ask for directions. I can read a map.
Exactly!!!
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