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Old 09-10-2008, 07:55 PM   #1
Laughing_Gnome_Invisible
 
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Stating the obvious maybe......But what is the deal with brains!? Why are we so fascinated with how wonderfully intricate and delicate they are? They are a waste of flesh! They know nothing!!! They pretend to be all in control, telling what to say think and do, but guess what!? Mine is ****ing retarded!!

Case in point.... This morning I accidentally stubbed my toe on a table leg. It hurt like buggery! Think about it. Who was in charge of the whole "Walking around the kitchen" exercise? My brain! If it was his idea in the first place, why did he decide to put my big toe in mortal danger!? He is just an arrogant ******* with no consideration for my other body parts! Brain then told me to hop up and down like a ****ing idiot shouting obscenities that only he knows. Now, I understand the purpose of pain. It exists for the brain to remind you that he has just done something totally stupid, and not to do it again. (Even though it was his idea in the first place) OK!!! I get it already! Kicking the table will hurt me! I learned that when I was 3 years old! For ****'s sake! Why can't brain just turn off the pain and remember not to do that again if he is so ****ing clever!?

Yesterday morning. Wifey is getting ready for work. She asks how her clothes look....Now, Brain knows her really well. He knows what she is really saying...So why does he tell Mouth to say that it makes her look a bit tubby around the middle? Because Brain is a frigging *******! That's why!! Brain KNEW what she wanted to hear, but oh no....Brain is too ****ing clever to play along with the wishes and desires of Dick! Dick won't be getting any tonight just beacause Brain is a totally self-obsessed insulting machine!!

Honestly, I think I would be much better off without Brain. I think I should send him away to a fast food restaurant where he could serve out his time as a delicous zombie quarter pounder.....But guess what. I can't do that because something tells me that he is the single most important organ in my body, and I would not survive without it........I wonder what could be telling me that....Oh yes!! It's ****ing Brain again!! When will he just **** off and let me be happy for once in my life!!!!!

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Old 09-10-2008, 07:57 PM   #2
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:02 PM   #3
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So if your brain is writing that about you writing it about your brain is that fourth person? I dont know what exactly sent you on that rant but I do know that I cant trust you from now on. Is it you or your brain giving me brewing advice......
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:05 PM   #4
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You keep referring to Brain as "he" but from your description, it sounds to me that maybe it is a scorned female.










My apologies to all of the wonderful female members here. The above is my brains feeble attempt at humor. I adore women and am very fortunate to have one that puts up with me and my brain.
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighPlainsDrifter View Post
You keep referring to Brain as "he" but from your description, it sounds to me that maybe it is a scorned female.



My apologies to all of the wonderful female members here. The above is my brains feeble attempt at humor. I adore women and am very fortunate to have one that puts up with me and my brain.
I made bold the parts of your post where you were typing with your dick.

 
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:09 PM   #6
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I don't know which I look forward to more an Evan! rant or a clever comedic rant by our resident Monty Pythonesque Gnome.
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:12 PM   #7
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Between you and Evan! there is enough ranting here to make me feel like I am a calm person
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:12 PM   #8
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Awesome post, my brain likes it, don't tell gals they are chubby...
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:14 PM   #9
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You have waaaaaayyy too much time on your hands.

Keep 'em coming. These rants always brighten my day.

 
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:16 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laughing_Gnome View Post
Yesterday morning. Wifey is getting ready for work. She asks how her clothes look....Now, Brain knows her really well. He knows what she is really saying...So why does he tell Mouth to say that it makes her look a bit tubby around the middle? Because Brain is a frigging *******! That's why!! Brain KNEW what she wanted to hear, but oh no....Brain is too ****ing clever to play along with the wishes and desires of Dick! Dick won't be getting any tonight just beacause Brain is a totally self-obsessed insulting machine!!
Ah yes, the problem of having two heads, but only enough blood to run one of them at a time.

Wifey gave you a no win question.

 
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