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Old 08-27-2008, 05:50 PM   #1
johnsma22's Avatar
Jun 2006
Taunton, MA
Posts: 1,971
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BUT! This was pretty funny to me. Hope that it makes you smile.

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy ..... it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where se picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch w ith my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

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Old 08-27-2008, 06:27 PM   #2
Licensed Sensual Massage Therapist.
Homercidal's Avatar
Feb 2008
Reed City, MI
Posts: 31,927
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HA ha! Take THAT beotch!

We all know that all we have to do is do some serious work around the house and act all MANLY and they are like putty in our hands! I've had to turn down the old lady three times this week after putting up the drywall in our new family room. I'll probalby never get those three times back, but dang, I was tired. I told her she can climb on and take care of her needs, but I guess she doesn't like having to do all the work.

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Old 08-27-2008, 06:30 PM   #3
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Aug 2006
Whitehouse Station, NJ
Posts: 23,403
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Those of us who are married know that being that clever is a fleeting short term satisfaction. Funny? Very. Practical? I hope you like the couch.
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Old 08-27-2008, 06:34 PM   #4
Brewin_Bob's Avatar
Jan 2008
Spring, TX
Posts: 552

AAAAH HAHAHAHAHA!! I almost spit chicken tenders all over my monitor and keyboard!

But I gotta agree with Bobby_M though.
"I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me." - Aldous Snow, lead singer of Infant Sorrow

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Old 08-27-2008, 08:01 PM   #5
TheJadedDog's Avatar
Aug 2006
People's Republic of Cambridge
Posts: 3,316
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Oh that is just brilliant.

As for the different sex drives, it's all biology man (but I fear if I write anymore this thread will be moved to the debate forum).
And now we go AG!

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Old 08-29-2008, 06:13 AM   #6
May 2008
Posts: 116
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thats f***ing hilarious!!!!!!!! i literally just laughed out loud. sure you would be in some **** after that, and you could expect to not get some from your lady for a while....but it might just be worth it. honestly i would probably pull that if my girl did that....o wait i did. cept i pulled the guilt trip deal so i got paid back in full
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Old 08-29-2008, 06:18 AM   #7
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Sep 2007
Posts: 2,218
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****ing hilarious! I agree with the just do some handy **** around the house thing. I had to turn my SWMBO down once this week. Shes a ****in firecracker but I guess thats not the case for everyone.
maybe i'll post an ad:

Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus!

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Old 08-29-2008, 12:19 PM   #8
Oct 2007
South Florida
Posts: 1,364
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LOL! That was great. My only fear would be SWMBO taking me to a HBS and doing the same
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Old 08-29-2008, 12:23 PM   #9
Ale's What Cures You!
Yooper's Avatar
Jun 2006
UP of Michigan, Winter Texan
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That's funny. Obviously written by a man who plans to not have any sex for a LONG time.
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