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Old 06-18-2008, 10:35 PM   #31
BrewWench
 
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I work with kids in one of my part-time jobs, and I know there are a few good ones. But I still doubt I'll ever want any.

 
Old 06-18-2008, 10:51 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McKBrew View Post
If you don't like kids, that's fine but keep in mind they are everywhere, and that there are still good ones out there if you actually pay attention.
Well said
I'd much rather hear childrens laughter than the rantings from a disenchanted adult - jmo
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:37 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiobrewtus View Post
Me, I can't imagine a life without kids, and I don't want to.
+1.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby_M View Post
The interesting thing about people who don't like kids is that they lower their own population naturally.
And that's probably a good thing. Nothing worse than a parent that doesn't want kids, too goddam many of those ******** running around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by z987k View Post
I don't like kids either and I'm only 22. And I'm not talking about just the small ones. Anyone less than say 14 or so, it just seems they all need a serious attitude adjustment.

If I had kids, I'd probably be accused of child abuse. But there's nothing like a good ass kicking to solve a problem.
Learned that in your vast 22 years, did ya?

I'll agree that spankings definitely have their place, but nothing in raising children is black and white. Gotta pick your battles.

Here's a little tidbit for you non-parents who have all the answers:

Thinking of Having kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple whoalready are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Ways in which they might improve their child's breast-feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the livingroom from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM,put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. Since you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. Howdoes that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child (a full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything that the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney,Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney Channel or Noggin for at least five years (I know,you're thinking "What's 'Noggin'"?). Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; this should occasionally crescendo to the decibel level of a supersonic jet). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now readyto take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.


 
Old 06-19-2008, 02:11 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by z987k View Post
I don't like kids either and I'm only 22. And I'm not talking about just the small ones. Anyone less than say 14 or so, it just seems they all need a serious attitude adjustment.

If I had kids, I'd probably be accused of child abuse. But there's nothing like a good ass kicking to solve a problem.
Notice the trend here? No matter what age you are, you'll think the generation (or I should say population) of those one decade younger is full of sh!t, out of control, a pain in the ass, and has really poor taste in fashion, music, and just about everything else. This opinion increases exponentially for every decade lower than that. The rule works in reverse for people decades older than you. Those 10 years older are know it all, crotchety, burned out old fogeys.

So, you're 22 and I'm 32. I probably feel the same way about you as you feel about the average 12 year old and conversely think of me in the same way I think of 40somethings.

Spawning is a totally innate drive and it takes a lot to keep it at bay. I don't think anyone is really prepared to be a good parent before it happens. I do think it changes people for the better about 95% of the time (not counting the accelerated greying). The other 5% were already crazy and having kids was the catalyst for a total meltdown like the folks who left their kids unattended for 2 weeks.
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Old 06-19-2008, 02:14 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireBrewer View Post
+1.
Thinking of Having kids? Do this 11 step program first!
You missed one:

Lesson 12
Go to the bank and withdraw your entire life savings in the form of $20 bills. Get into your car and drive down the highway. Throw a $20 bill out the window every tenth of a mile. Repeat this process until you are down to your last 3 $20 bills. Stop. Fill you tank with gas using the last of your money and return home.

You now have a grasp of post child cash flow.

 
Old 06-19-2008, 02:21 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireBrewer View Post
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the livingroom from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM,put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. Since you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
god, my daughter was like that for a few months, I'm glad she grew out of that...

Quote:
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. Howdoes that look?
funny, sad and true!

Quote:
Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
aside from the rake, everything else is spot on!

funny shyt right there... almost every word is true!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BierMuncher View Post
You missed one:

Lesson 12
Go to the bank and withdraw your entire life savings in the form of $20 bills. Get into your car and drive down the highway. Throw a $20 bill out the window every tenth of a mile. Repeat this process until you are down to your last 3 $20 bills. Stop. Fill you tank with gas using the last of your money and return home.

You now have a grasp of post child cash flow.
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Old 06-19-2008, 02:22 PM   #37
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Firebrewers' entire thread:

Not everyone has kids, you know. And you mentioned some perfectly rational reasons for avoiding having them unless you're 100% driven to!

 
Old 06-19-2008, 02:43 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BierMuncher View Post
You missed one:

Lesson 12
Damn truth too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BraeHaus View Post
god, my daughter was like that for a few months, I'm glad she grew out of that...
Yeah, my first had colic and didn't sleep through the night until he was 9 months old. Second slept at 2 months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewWench View Post
Not everyone has kids, you know. And you mentioned some perfectly rational reasons for avoiding having them unless you're 100% driven to!
I don't denigrate those that chose not to. Better to not want them and don't have them then have them and not want them. That's responsible, that's good, and that keeps the would-be parent and child from being unhappy. I do, however, denigrate the ones that don't have kids and think they have a reference point for pointing fingers and saying how children should be raised. It's like having someone who's never brewed a drop of wort in their life tell me how I should sanitize my chiller.

 
Old 06-19-2008, 02:59 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireBrewer View Post

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child (a full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything that the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
This one is great I might just have to find a goat to lend to my friends who are thinking of having a baby, this should cure them...
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:25 PM   #40
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Ha! I emailed the 11 step program to my brother and his 5 month pregnant wife.

 
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