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Old 06-12-2008, 02:59 PM   #1
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I design, among other things, Animal Shelters. Most of them are public (county) jobs for the Animal Control guys. I've been to conferences and talked with a bunch of them, and this guy seems pretty spot-on. On top of it all, you'd be astounded at how low they are on the totem pole when it comes to funding. People just don't realize how important ACO's are...hell, at the last conference in NC we went to, I was talking with this guy from western NC and he said that they get so little funding from their county, their euthanasia chamber used to be comprised of a loose-stacked brick shed. They'd drive an old beater station wagon up to the shed, duct-tape a garden hose to the exhaust, and, well, yeah. Terrible...but the county was poor, so they wouldn't fork over the money. Anyway...read on...

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Well, this one has been several years in the making.

Hello kids. I'm your friendly neighborhood Animal Control Officer, and I'd like to officially tell you all to bite my ass. Before I ride off into the sunset, however - here are some parting words...

1) To all the jackasses who ask me if I don't have something better to do than giving them a ticket for no license/dog off leash/being a douchebag. The answer is no. No, I have nothing better than to take my precious time and taxpayer dollars to write you a COMPLETELY LAME ticket for not doing what was your responsibility to do in the first place. I love nothing more than babysitting grown adults who seem incapable of wiping their own ass without law enforcement present. Thanks, dirtbags.

2) To all the jackasses who ask me why I'm not rounding up all the killer pitbulls. Where...WHERE!? Where are all the killer pitbulls that are roaming the streets and attacking your women and children. My god, the city should just issue you all SHOTGUNS to fend off these land sharks. In other news, THERE IS NO VICIOUS PITBULL EPIDEMIC. Let's all hold hands and say it together folks, the only epidemic is misinformation, ignorance and animal neglect. Thanks, please drive through to the second window and receive a punch in the face.

3) To all the jackasses who refuse to spay/neuter, or who think they're "breeders" because they put fido and fifi together and produced a litter of mongrels who will all likely end up in a barrel behind the shelter by the time they reach sexual maturity: Die. Diediediediedie. I wish to god that there was a mandatory spay/neuter law and that the penalty for breaking it was to be forced to spend a day working in the euthanasia room. Seriously. It's simple ****ing math, people. Every dog or cat you carelessly add into this world takes away a home for a dog or cat that is already here. So breeding means killing...so have a good day, executioners! I hope the 50 bucks you made off that puppy sure feels good.

4) There is no goddamn thing as "No Kill". I hate to burst your collective bubble, but when you call and ask if our shelter is "no kill", don't treat me like a kitten murderer when I tell you NO. There are simply not enough resources or homes available to find every pet a home and that is NOT MY FAULT. Quite simply, there is no "dog whisperer" in the world who can save your eight year old Rottweiler that spent his entire life chained to a tree in your backyard. Sorry, buster - but this one's on you. And the places that claim to be "No Kill"? They simply send the unplaceable pets across the street to Animal Control who do the killing for them. WAKE. UP. Until mandatory spay/neuter becomes law, killing is going to happen.

5)You know what's fun? Being told that I must "really hate dogs" because I'm an Animal Control Officer. Yessir. I put up with retards like you, the abysmally low pay, and this fabulously flattering uniform just so I can take all my bitterness out on your dog. That's also why I foster animals, paying for their care out of my own pocket and using up my precious little free time to do it. Yeah, that's it. Now how's about you shut your mouth and put a leash on your dog you *******, so I don't have to peel him off the street later.

6) LEASHES, PEOPLE. They're not just for the "bad dogs". Quite frankly, dogs are carnivores - predators, if you will. When they see something furry and running fast, like a squirrel or a cat - they tend to chase after it. Next thing you know, I'm scooping up Scooby with a plastic bag...not fun. Or, how about the person who does not in fact, like dogs and has to be accosted by your poochie when they walk down the street? Or, what about the dog aggressive dog being walked safely and in control on a leash until your unleashed dog comes up and just wants to say "hi"? Dog fights are pretty ugly, and NO ONE seems to anticipate them until it's too late. So don't piss and moan when I give you a verbal warning for having your dog off leash...because that leads me to:

7) Your mouth will write you a ticket. Oh yeah, no kidding. I hate writing tickets. They're a pain in the ass. I have to deal with your melt down, then I have to go back to the office and write a report about it. Next, I have to show up in court because you want to contest the ticket, even though 60% of the time YOU NEVER SHOW UP YOU CHICKEN**** BASTARDS. So, the deal is this - if you're nice and not eggregiously breaking the law, I'm probably just going to warn you and then go about my day. As soon as you break out the lip however, I'm breaking out the ticket book. Press hard, there's four copies.

In conclusion. I quit! Actually, you dip****s broke me a while back and it's been months of therapy before I could write this little missive. I still shudder when I see a pair of testicles on a dog though, so watch out.
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:05 PM   #2
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Wow, someones angry. But well put non the less.
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:27 PM   #3
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Great rant. I'm a huge believer that people shouldn't be allowed to have pets smarter than themselves

And a little side note about this:
Quote:
6) LEASHES, PEOPLE. They're not just for the "bad dogs". Quite frankly, dogs are carnivores - predators, if you will. When they see something furry and running fast, like a squirrel or a cat - they tend to chase after it. Next thing you know, I'm scooping up Scooby with a plastic bag...not fun.
Couple weekends back, went down to the zoo with the kids. As we near the entrance, I see a couple walking on the other side of the street with a kid in a stroller, and what had to be a 130+ lb mastiff-looking dog -- with no leash. Seconds later, four Harleys roll up to the red light, and the dog goes berserk...runs out into the street, barking like crazy, circling the four bikes. The couple is trying to figure out how to get the dog back under control, scurrying around and passing the kid back and forth. The riders look a little nervous, a little angry, but are doing their best to help the moron get his dog back. To the point that when the light turns green, they continue to sit there holding up traffic, b/c they know if they take off the dog is going to chase them. (this is Fullerton just off Lake Shore Drive for those of you who know Chicago...on a nice Saturday afternoon, maybe one of the busiest intersections in the city, both vehicles and pedestrians).

After finaly corraling the dog, the couple retreats to the sidewalk, and the bikers and the backed-up traffic go on their merry way. Then the couple resumes their walk with the dog still off the leash.
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:37 PM   #4
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Good rant. And thanks for reminding me, it's time to send in a donation to the local animal shelter.

I agree about the leashes. Apparently this is a foreign concept to the several dog owners on my street who don't have fences. Listen, if your dog sees my dogs walking (on a leash, mind you), and he runs out in the street, and a car is coming by, what do you think is going to happen?

Some people just shouldn't own pets.

 
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:42 PM   #5
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+1 on the leashes. I HATE people who run around with their dogs off the leash. Usually it's some goof who thinks that now they're in the 'Great Northwest' we should all run free with our pets and flowers in our hair or whatever. Just yesterday I was driving home from work and nearly ran over some lady chasing her retriever across the street, leash flapping in the wind. And I won't even get into the park. There's always some f*ckhead with his/her dog off leash that ruins it for everyone.

I'm fired up!

 
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:48 PM   #6
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I hardly ever let Troy off leash. Even if we're up at my folk's house, with hardly anyone around, I panic that he's going to take off after a deer or something. Hell, he runs a lot faster than I do!

I did let him off leash up at my friend's farm, middle of nowhere, when there was about three or four feet of snow on the ground. So, he decides he wants to play - with the llamas. He *runs* into the field where they are, bounding through the snow. I'm trying to chase after him - but remember, there's three freakin' feet of snow on the ground, so I'm able to move at maybe half my normal walking speed. Meanwhile, they're getting pissed at him, kicking near him to warn him and ward him off, they're starting to run through the woods with him right behind... he's bounding forward after them, I'm right behind, but I can't catch up... "running" through the woods... and it's all in ultra-slow-mo because of the snow.

Finally, my friend opened up her house door, her dogs ran inside, and he got distracted by them and started chasing after them... .

Freakin' dog!
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:50 PM   #7
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Sheesh. Less anger and more logic would make his argument more compelling. But I guess he's not trying to change anyone's mind (because he won't), he just wants to give a big FU to the world.

It's pathetic, really. He obviously has strong feelings on the subject and cares about animal welfare. Too bad he's so "broken" now that he is basically useless, reduced to spouting obscenities on the internet. A stronger person would quit the job but not the cause. I hope he feels better now and can get himself back together.
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Old 06-12-2008, 03:54 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
+. Just yesterday I was driving home from work and nearly ran over some lady chasing her retriever across the street, leash flapping in the wind.
In fairness, from your description it sounds like a dog wearing a leash got away from the owner-- which happens to the best of us and it's only luck that keeps the dog from taking off when you drop the leach by accident.
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Old 06-12-2008, 04:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beerthoven View Post
Sheesh. Less anger and more logic would make his argument more compelling. But I guess he's not trying to change anyone's mind (because he won't), he just wants to give a big FU to the world.

It's pathetic, really. He obviously has strong feelings on the subject and cares about animal welfare. Too bad he's so "broken" now that he is basically useless, reduced to spouting obscenities on the internet. A stronger person would quit the job but not the cause. I hope he feels better now and can get himself back together.
Meh, it's a rant. Gets stuff off your chest so you can regroup.
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Old 06-12-2008, 04:06 PM   #10
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Spot on, but agreed to him having less of an anger issue, I understand the dude is frustrated, but he could take his energy and rather than resort to anger, spread the word to neighborhoods, etc.
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