Oh man, Nate. You brought back some memories. We used to call it BEER beer. I think miller used to make it. Good call.
This reminds me of the beer that I tried in the Philippines when I went there for a vacation. If I'm not mistaken, the name is "Beer Na Beer" which basically means that it's really a beer. I had to down a bottle because around 10 Filipinos were cheering me on. I couldn't bear the thought of being that white guy who couldn't handle a single bottle.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.