In-Laws having an issue with my brewing

Just as the Title suggests, I brew beer but my in-laws are having an issue with it.

Now just to give a brief background, we are all Christians. My wife's father is an ordained minister and him and his wife are very active in our church, but not the leaders of the church. I met my wife at church. With my in-laws history in the church and with other church organizations my father in-law worked with he was not allowed to drink. He had this position for nearly 15 years, so drinking is very foreign to him and his wife. My wife had never really drank before I met her but she enjoys a good wine or beer from time to time. When my wife and I first sat down I wanted to make sure that she understood that I enjoy beer along with many other hobbies and I didn't intend on changing because of someone elses convictions. She agreed to start seeing me and how we have been married for over two years. I have since been able to actually start brewing beer and I have a chest freezer for fermenting, and one for cold crashing or serving from my newly purchased kegs. This is something I have been wanting to do for nearly 16 years now, and I'm finally able to do it.

Now the problem comes in with my in-laws always giving me snarky remarks about me brewing or how much money I've spent on brewing gear. They have totally different interests than me, other than the safety of their daughter and our faith in Jesus Christ. I feel like they judge me for drinking and even more so for the amount of money that I have invested in this stuff. I admit that I drink daily, I also run 5-10 miles a day 4-5 days a week. I am by no way what I would consider an alcoholic, and in fact I don't even like to get drunk. I don't get the shakes or crave beer throughout the day. I enjoy beer but I have gone months without it. Now in that time it doesn't mean that I was not trying to study more in depth about making it, but I didn't crave it. I just really hate having them over, and we don't invite them to any gatherings or parties we have because I ALWAYS supply beer, since I brew so much of it. The only issue I can see that would scripturally go against what I am doing and with out much time I put into learning and focusing on making beer, is that the Lord commands us to not have ideals, and when we focus more on worldly things than our Creator, then we are worshiping something else. The way I see it, and this might just be me justifying what I do, is that if you get into any hobby and you have an overachieving type of personality, then you are going to put your all into being the best you can be. I run race, and I dont just stop at marathons, I run 100+ mile races. I dedicate a lot of time to running, but they don't frown about that.

I mainly needed to vent, but I also wonder what you all think about this?

Start making some Jesus approved wine?

Jesus drank beer (not wine) and turned water into beer (not wine) making him an early home brewer with an easier method...case closed

You're married to your wife, not her parents. As long as she is ok with it I wouldn't worry. Inlaws suck; homebrew rocks.

People spend so much time looking at what other people are doing instead of concentrating on what they should be doing.

I know that you want to get along with your in-laws, especially if you all live close to each other. Maybe you should sit them down for a talk and let them know how it is. This is your life, your beliefs, and that it could be worse. You could be out at bars picking up women and staying out at all hours of night.

If they cannot respect your beliefs, then they should really reflect on their own.

Religion in general sucks! Aside from that, move cross country away from the in-laws.

Find something bad about the in-laws, then just deflect the conversation onto them.....

Seems like a good time to whip out the "mote in your neighbor's eye" verse.

Just tell them, it was home brewing or heroin, any you felt home brewing wasn't as life wrecking.

As you probably know, there is no scriptural mandate against beer or wine itself. They were both a fact of family and community life at the time Jesus lived. The mandate is to not overindulge to the point of being drunk or out of control. Same goes for overdoing the intake of food, i.e., gluttony, which is a sin. There are verses which admonish overindulgence when it comes to alcoholic beverage. At the same time, scripture alludes to a little wine being good for the stomach. If your ordained minister father-in-law truly understands what the Word of God says about drinking, then he should have no problem with your homebrewing pastime unless he is witnessing you getting drunk or out of control, or by creating an opportunity for those you serve to do the same, in which case, judging you for your hobby is also unbiblical.

I shouldn't give advice because my in-laws hate me.

I dunno man. It's really hard to shake in-laws out of their parenting phase. They're used to having an immense amount of control over your wife and her decisions, and few parents truly want to let their children go. It does get better over time. They'll adjust to the new reality... or you'll continue to see them as little as possible. But that hardly makes you feel good now.

Changing directions, what would your father in law do if you were Muslim? or Hindu? Or any other variety of human with different values? You would expect him to be compassionate and understanding of another soul. Especially as a minister. I think the tools for accessing his compassion are there - you just have to find the right language.

There's probably several biblical verses about judgement if the conversation gets preachy. Site one of them.

You have to ignore them, its just their opinion. Do what you need to do to get along. Your wife can handle them, right, or do they try manipulate her. Think about this for a moment then read the next paragraph.

Not to make you paranoid, but know that they probably slam on you hard behind your back. I imagine it takes a bit of time before they work up the nerve to say something. I would imagine the car ride home from your place is bordering on Holier Than Thou BS.

Have you ever listened to a hen party when they talk about their friends. I listen to my wife and her friends. I ask her later why they do that to person that's not there. My wife talks about my moron BIL often. This is usually right after leaving their place.

What does your wife tell them when they call? "Oh, he's out making beer..." She's not accidentally fueling this is she?

You need to get one of these and post it by your kegerator.

Ironically, my father in law gave this to me.

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GHBWNY said:

As you probably know, there is no scriptural mandate against beer or wine itself. They were both a fact of family and community life at the time Jesus lived. The mandate is to not overindulge to the point of being drunk or out of control. Same goes for overdoing the intake of food, i.e., gluttony, which is a sin. There are verses which admonish overindulgence when it comes to alcoholic beverage. At the same time, scripture alludes to a little wine being good for the stomach. If your ordained minister father-in-law truly understands what the Word of God says about drinking, then he should have no problem with your homebrewing pastime unless he is witnessing you getting drunk or out of control, or by creating an opportunity for those you serve to do the same, in which case, judging you for your hobby is also unbiblical.

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There are a couple other scriptures that come to mind, one is in regards to "as far as it depends on you be peaceable with all men" Rom 12:18. The second point of reasoning is to ask him if he's being stumbled by your brewing/consuming beer, you could go two routes, 1 Cor 8:7-14 (you could stave off brewing or beer around him) or Psalms 116:165 (help him to appreciate that if he truly loves God's laws he has no reason to be stumbled). Third point, in order to be considered one that has larger responsibility within the congregation these are the following guidelines 1Ti 3:1-3, 3:8 and Tit 1:7. Fourth, the bible only condemns drunkenness and the things that usually come about from it Pr 20:1, Ps 107:27 and Isa 19:14.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

There is also the lines in Genesis about creating vegetation and all of creation being good. That would include sacchromyces.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monday_Night_Brewing

Your in laws should meet these guys

My cat Toby is an ordained minister and doesn't like the noise of me brewing.... I told him to go **** himself.

GHBWNY said:

If your ordained minister father-in-law truly understands what the Word of God says about drinking, then he should have no problem with your homebrewing pastime unless he is witnessing you getting drunk or out of control, or by creating an opportunity for those you serve to do the same, in which case, judging you for your hobby is also unbiblical.

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Yes - Very Good Point!

soccerdad said:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monday_Night_Brewing

Your in laws should meet these guys

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He should brew mainly abbey ales.

http://www.beeroftomorrow.com/abbey-ales/

Its sounds like he might be insulted if asked him to bless your beer.

You could tell him you are using HolyWater! I would sub the salt with Holy Gypsum though.

Seriously - Would he ever brew with you? At least to understand why you like doing it.

They're just trying to control you. If you give in to it, guess what happens next? Another demand that you change something.

I've always felt that people who are in your face about their faith, whatever it is, should get this question in their face: "What religion do you think you'd be if you were born to native parents in (Japan, India, Saudi Arabia, Iran, pick one)? So what does that tell you about the universality of your religious views?"

I have no problem with people believing what they want to believe. I have a problem with it when those beliefs impact my life. Sounds like the in-laws are trying to force their beliefs down your throat. Ick.

bdogg171 said:

Jesus drank beer (not wine) and turned water into beer (not wine) making him an early home brewer with an easier method...case closed

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Romans were drinking wine because grapes grow in what is now Italy/most Europe, but in Middle East, the grapes don't grow, which is why ancient Egyptians and other people in northern africa/middle east relied on beer instead of wine. And water was always infected. I suspect poor people in Holy Land were mostly drinking beer, not wine. And since Jesus is a son of carpenter and hung out with lepers and such, I am pretty sure he was drinking beer, not wine.

They are judging you, and they are concerned about their daughter. Some churches say no to drinking, dancing and for women no makeup. This is a matter for you and your wife. But, keep in mind to be kind when discussing this with your wife and or her parents. If you become what they deem to be nasty, it will be because of drinking in their mind.

Jesus turned water into 'wine' (as others have pointed out it may have indeed been beer, but either way it works), you turn water into beer, but since you don't have any divine power you have to purchase the brewing equipment and ingredients to help you out. "Just trying to follow in the footsteps of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I'm curious about your wife's position on this.

That's not a reasonable way for them to behave.

Umm Trappist Monks make beer.
Tee-Totalers basically infiltrated several Churches in the US back in the early 1900`s and unfortunatelky, their mark is still there.
However fortunately many of them are dying off and with luck the Churches will continue without policy dictated by the temperance movement.

I meet up with my childhood friends every Christmas Eve, and we go drinking for Jesus. One of them even has a "Drinking For Jesus" shirt he always wears on the Eve. It's one of my treasured days of the year!

It's the one time a year I do shots... 'cus you know... it's for Jesus! He wants me to be happy and tell everyone in the vicinity that I love them, man!



I hope this helps you.


In all seriousness though, I have issues with my mother in law. She's a 10 (or so) year recovering alcoholic. Basically, she has a lot more time on her hands now, so she needs to be in everybody's business... all the time. Always comments in a snide way to my wife about my "micro brewery in the garage" or "does he really need that many taps on a kegerator?" Uh... yes. Yes I do, you bitter hag! Lol!

My wife just shrugs it off and tells her there's a lot worse things I could be out doing, and that I've actually learned a lot from my hobby. Like water quality, preparation and attention to detail, and diy projects to name a few. Every time she starts her nagging, my wife always has something new about my hobby to tell her to deflect the hate. She keeps a nice barrier up for me, and I love her dearly for that.

My wife knows so much about my hobby because we talk about it for at least an hour every Sunday morning over coffee (Instead of going to church! Lol! Just thought of that now!). She knows I enjoy it, and tries to understand more to support me... even though I probably bore the hell out of her sometimes! She's a wonderful woman.

When talking, I do tend to leave out how much I spend though. Why ruin a good thing?


I hope something in the second part of my post actually can help you. Offer to educate your wife a bit so she has some positives to provide to your in laws about your hobby. Maybe ask your wife to assist you one day. Don't ask your in laws to assist... it'll be friggin' terrible and will likely strain your relationship more. They already disapprove, and would probably be totally useless/unhelpful during your brew day. I don't know about you, but I tend to swear A LOT on brew day too. Actually, I tend to mumble and swear when I'm working on anything!



One positive note on your situation would be they don't live with you. Count your blessings. Lol!

Always messy with FIL/MIL, while I dont have the same situation, i get some of the same criticism from others in my family, or even strangers. Never knew how much it offends some people to know that someone is making beer. Its like they picture you as a Mad scientist slangin to the fiends. I like to brew with my kids, 6, and 2. Daughter is just as proud as she could be when she gets to tell people she helps, which usually leads to some weird looks and questions about why i let them help make alcohol. My best advice to you is just limit your time you spend with them, or tell your wife that she needs to draw the line in the sand for you! She should be defending your hobby, when they start to go in on you, she should be the one that says guys thats enough. Hopefully things get better for you!

1. Luke 7:34 The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Please note that Jesus did not refute this charge.

1a. What goes into your body does not defile you, it is what comes out of your heart which does so.

2. Some Jewish blessings begin with "Blessed are you, Lord God, King of the Universe, for the fruit of the vine which makes our our hearts glad." or something like that...

3. Guinness beer was founded by a staunch Christian family as outreach/mission (seriously!). They cared strongly about their employees' physical well being and had a deep sense of civic responsibility.

Brewing is not a vice nor a sin.

As an episcopal priest, I've encountered my share of both. Trust me.

Finally, Jesus would be the first guy back at your tap for a refill.

Maybe your in-laws should shut up & mind their own business.
Regards, GF.

one of the most convenient things about Church membership is that you will always know were to find someone to condemn you!
Your life your walk DON'T LET THEM MANIPULATE YOU especially if they try to use Jesus's name to do it.
I would suggest confronting each comment, push them each time and every time eventually they'll stop.
The other obvious line is "you should be doing X with the $" that will be something they want but if your happy with your spending and you feel the Lords happy with the way you manage your spending game over.

Your Life Live It.


God Bless. aamcle

Jewish folks don't recognize Jesus as the son of God...... Muslim folks don't recognize that Jesus was crucified..... Baptist's don't recognize each other in a Liquor Store....

In all seriousness, I fear their main concern is how people view them, having a son-in-law that brews and drinks beer, rather than the fate of your soul or how folks view you!

I'm not sure what denomination your ILs are part of, but I believe that many denominations do more to 'get in the way" than they do to "pave the way". There are denominations that ban drinking, or dancing, or instruments to accompany singing ... but they don't do much to limit hatred, greed, envy, unjust war, and a host of other things that demonstrate a true lack of faith in God/Allah/Yaweh. The end result is that church people end up practicing churchianity, which IMO is very unhealthy. If you and your wife appreciate public worship, I think you should attend a church or temple that is more in line with your lifestyle. If the ILs attack a denomination that worships the same God that they do, then you know that they are off base and off track. Then you simply shake the dust off your sandals and move on.

soccerdad said:

I'm not sure what denomination your ILs are part of, but I believe that many denominations do more to 'get in the way" than they do to "pave the way". There are denominations that ban drinking, or dancing, or instruments to accompany singing ... but they don't do much to limit hatred, greed, envy, unjust war, and a host of other things that demonstrate a true lack of faith in God/Allah/Yaweh. The end result is that church people end up practicing churchianity, which IMO is very unhealthy. If you and your wife appreciate public worship, I think you should attend a church or temple that is more in line with your lifestyle. If the ILs attack a denomination that worships the same God that they do, then you know that they are off base and off track. Then you simply shake the dust off your sandals and move on.

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His father-in-law is/was the minister at their church. I think leaving his church would be as well received as a hot poker in the eye.

I agree standing up to the self righteous man is necessary. If he goes unchecked, it will persist and possibly ruin his marriage.

It should NOT be done holding a pint though or assumed he's had a pint. They will think that's the alcohol talking and making their case for them. Timing is important to confront him. Probably right after church, clean shaven, well dressed, sober, and all his sins are forgiven.

Then go have a beer.

Me and my wife go out drinking with my EX inlaws, and my current MIL is a sweetheart. My wifes grandmother was a real piece of work though, but she's been dead for several years now.

My mother in law moved into our house. She is constantly trying to parent my kids. And the worst part is that she sits in my spot on the couch.

Just be honest and direct. Next time there's a snarky comment, simply tell them that you find comments like that hurtful, and ask that they please be more thoughtful. Get your wife on your side.

And Martin Luther brewed beer.

Schlenkerla said:

His father-in-law is/was the minister at their church. I think leaving his church would be as well received as a hot poker
.

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My point exactly .. move on, don't look back, worship with like minded people.

Paps said:

Umm Trappist Monks make beer.
Tee-Totalers basically infiltrated several Churches in the US back in the early 1900`s and unfortunatelky, their mark is still there.
However fortunately many of them are dying off and with luck the Churches will continue without policy dictated by the temperance movement.

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Tis true that monks make libations, but the divide between Catholic and the multitude of Protestant religions is deep so that argument isn't likely to work in this case. Mind you I am guessing OP is in one of the Protestant religions.

yeahfairly said:

In all seriousness, I fear their main concern is how people view them, having a son-in-law that brews and drinks beer, rather than the fate of your soul or how folks view you!

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Nail > Head