The Idiot Brewery Money Pit

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IdiotBrewing

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We've all been there; you're just getting ready to sparge and someone (usually a significant other or a child, both of whom you can't really punch) strides into the kitchen/bathroom expecting to make tea/get washed/fill a bucket of water to put out a fire. You try and explain that you're at a pivotal part of the brewing process, but for them that doesn't matter. There's always some weak excuse: they're thirsty or they need to get to work or the house is ablaze.

At times like this, I've dreamed. Sometimes I dream of murder, must usually I dream of a brewery, my own space where others are forbidden to drink their petty problems, where the taps and electricity and gas belong to me, and where the creation of beer comes before all things.

When Mrs Idiot wanted to move to a God-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere to be near her family, I didn't insist on much. Well, I did, but one thing that I was insistent on was a brewery. I expected a box room or a corner of a garage or a pokey shed, but for some reason Mrs Idiot thought I wanted something grander. Oddly, I forgot to put her right!

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The Idiot Brewery is an old stable block. Thankfully for me, the people who sold us the house had it converted into a workshop. They also used it at some point as an unlicensed bar for the local farmers, so it has a bar area and a kitchen bit.

It measures up at 36 x 12 feet, which is enough for me. In fact, I'm thinking of sticking in a wall to separate a bit off for a charcuterie kitchen. It has water, power and drainage along with a selection of shelves and the like.

The space will also be good as the new Idiot House also has an orchard, so there'll be a need for presses and scratters and the like. Cider and Perry from my own trees is too good an opportunity to pass up; it's a bit like meeting a beautiful woman and finding out she's a butcher! Happy days!

Of course, Mrs Idiot isn't going to allow me to spend all day in the brewery. She wants a new kitchen. That means that the old kitchen - including cupboards, work surfaces, extractor fans, ovens and sinks - will be making the move into the Idiot Brewery. Waste not, want not!

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I have tried to cobble together a masterplan for the conversion, but that led to tinkering with malt, hops and yeast, and rather than planning developments I made some beer instead: a nice hop-forward IPA. I figure you have to make the stuff to identify the pros and cons of the new space.

The next attempt at planning the brewery layout resulted in a Saison infused with nettle tops. I think you can see how this will pan out!

I have now settled on a 'make it up as you go along' approach, allowing necessity to dictate the various developments. In truth, I can't think of a better way.

I have no doubt that this project could become a bit of a money-pit, one way or another. Still, as I tell Mrs Idiot, it's a damn sight cheaper than bigamy and there are plenty of men who have that as a hobby.

So, if anyone has any ideas, I'd be more than happy to hear them. After all, if my one head can create a chaotic brewery, imagine what multiple ill-conceived ideas will throw up!
 
Since the place has a history as an unlicensed watering hole for locals, I'd keep that tradition going. One thing about living in the middle on nowhere is you have to create your own fun and social occasions. You wouldn't sell your cider, perry and beer, but your local patrons could make a charitable offering to the charity of your choice and you would have a willing audience for your creations. I'd move the bar a little closer to the door and keep the brewing equipment in the far end and leave the open space open for your new friends that will show up once they know what you have available. Best of luck to you :mug:
 
You're a lucky lucky man. I'm in the throws a designing a brewery shed from the ground up.
 
Man, I'd kill for something like that. My house is 38x34 feet footprint of the main part, so I can easily visualize just what you have.

It would be nice to move everything around, but I'll bet you're limited with water and drains; I might repurpose the bar area on the end to a cleaning station with a wide and deep sink, and move the bar elsewhere. You don't necessarily need a wet bar.

What I wish I had was a more expansive sink area for cleaning, making RO water, and so on. I don't know how it is in the UK but here in my area you can occasionally find used stainless sinks on Craigslist, sinks with nice sideboards and so on.

If you put the Brewery on one end, you can if you like close it off with a curtain.

Wonderful find, a space I'd kill for (wait--I said that already).
 
My personal oasis has one VERY functional addition, and if you have the space I cannot recommend it enough.. I found a 7'X9' walk-in cooer on craigslist for $300, I added a coolbot (https://www.storeitcold.com/) and a large window AC and I have a ~40 degree (f) room for serving/ cold crashing that has changed the way I brew\live. 6 taps off the front. Honestly, if you have the space, it's incredible. I'll post pics if anyone is actually interested, but I'm in central Mass if anyone is close and wants to visit as well....

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Will you post updates as you make changes? I'd love to see where this goes.

What kind of fermentation temp control do you use? You will need an area for that and the approach can have a part to play in space requirements...

Some outdoor seating / lighting would be cool too if you keep with the unofficial watering hole idea.
 
My personal oasis has one VERY functional addition, and if you have the space I cannot recommend it enough.. I found a 7'X9' walk-in cooer on craigslist for $300, I added a coolbot (https://www.storeitcold.com/) and a large window AC and I have a ~40 degree (f) room for serving/ cold crashing that has changed the way I brew\live. 6 taps off the front. Honestly, if you have the space, it's incredible. I'll post pics if anyone is actually interested, but I'm in central Mass if anyone is close and wants to visit as well....

I'd like to see the inside and how you have everything setup.
 
This is beautiful. If I may be so bold as to offer suggestions. I feel like this has a lot of potential. I'm thinking you'll need to expand the outdoor seating area, think German Beer Garden meets quaint English countryside. Maybe some trellises with hops growing on them? Shade or rain cover?

Inside it's a bit dark, I would kind of evaluate the lighting plan, and see what kind of electricity is available. I was thinking one end of the brewery shed would be for brewing beer, the other side would be the Kitchen/Bar area.

Are you kegging? Do you need cold storage for kegs? For lagering?

In the middle nearer to the kitchen/bar area you could store large bags of grain, kind of adds to the ambiance a little as well.

I would also see if you can get your hands on some reclaimed wood from old barns or whatever to furnish the bar area and provide a cohesive theme.

You'll want a sloped floor and floor drain(s). You need that. Also a challenge will be to keep it clean and organized so that when you have guests over your not... concerned with how it appears.

Also if it were me I'd put a small sound system in it to listen to CDs, MP3s, streaming, whatever.

I don't know what the weather is like, but what about heating/cooling, ventilation, insulation?
 
Thanks Goose. I feel better now. I even have a drawer in the hutch for my instruments.

Just trying to say "it's all relative." :)

Actually, I have more than just a cabinet, but that's where I store most of my equipment. And some shelves. But no shed.

I still would kill for a place like IdiotBrewing has.

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That looks pretty nice. I got the relativity, no sarcasm. I could go back to work :eek: to buy more better stuff, but it's not likely. The shed is a big improvement, as everything used to be in the basement. Now I only have to carry the grains and fermenter up.
 
That looks pretty nice. I got the relativity, no sarcasm. I could go back to work :eek: to buy more better stuff, but it's not likely. The shed is a big improvement, as everything used to be in the basement. Now I only have to carry the grains and fermenter up.

That's funny--bought that cabinet, which sits in a corner of the garage, for exactly the same reason. I didn't want to have to carry everything up from the basement!

Several years ago I was the local host for a group of visiting Chinese university professors; they came for a month of what we loosely titled "cultural immersion." Tried to show them how Americans lived, within the bounds of time and access to opportunity.

I used to tell them: in America, you can do anything you want. You just can't do EVERYTHING you want.

People make choices about where and how they want to spend their money. Could I have a shed? Yeah. I could even, if SWMBO agreed, move to or build a new house w/ an outbuilding in which I could do something like OP has (I'd kill for that :)).

Fact is, my kids are gone and out of the house, and we have more disposable income than 10 years ago. People here with young kids sometimes struggle to get enough resources to devote to brewing as they obviously must put the kids first. We did, too, and that was money well-invested in their future. I still found time to play, though. :)
 
Sorry to all for the thread drift:
I agree. While I am not willing to spend savings on a dedicated space or a fancy system, I still have money to buy supplies whenever I want. I never have to sweat paying utility bills, there are people on my street who probably do.
 
OP: That is one well written piece. I enjoyed it very much.

It's interesting the different mentality of Europe form the Americas. We have horses too but when I built our stalls it was with whatever crap I could scavenge and cost less to build then we paid for the plug horses. It been up about 20 years an probably should be condemn.

You guys build stuff to last generations. A beautiful space to be sure. Congrats!
 
Holy cow! How did you get it in the basement?

Very impressive. My stuff in is in the crawl space, minus the burners and pots. My wife actually told me to finish my all grain system so I can brew outside. She HATES the smell of brewing but weirdly really wants to open a brewery too.
 
That's a heck of a brew shed! Looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

My personal oasis has one VERY functional addition, and if you have the space I cannot recommend it enough.. I found a 7'X9' walk-in cooer on craigslist for $300, I added a coolbot (https://www.storeitcold.com/) and a large window AC and I have a ~40 degree (f) room for serving/ cold crashing that has changed the way I brew\live. 6 taps off the front. Honestly, if you have the space, it's incredible. I'll post pics if anyone is actually interested, but I'm in central Mass if anyone is close and wants to visit as well....


My question is, how the hell do you move a walk in cooler? Do they break down easily? That would really be an awesome addition to a basement or garage.
 
typically they are made of 4' wide foam panels, with metal sheathing. on the side of each panel is a hook /clasp mechanism that is activated with a hex key type tool at the top of the panel. you stand two panels up side by side, twist the key up at the top and they basically lock together on each of the vertical sides. then you slap the roof panels on, and flash the crap out of the seam.

not really any different than taking some plywood or drywall sheets down the stairs, except that the panels are about 6-8" thick.
 
Lucky man! SWMBO is allowing me to turn 1\2 of the garage into a brewery/bar but it has inadequate power and no water or sewage and its across the road from our lake house where those amenities originate. So I have a long road ahead of me so I am very jealous of your situation. Congrats!
 
In the middle nearer to the kitchen/bar area you could store large bags of grain, kind of adds to the ambiance a little as well.

I've just invested in a couple of galvanised steel grain bins, the ones farmers use to store grain (or to hide their victims in). Sacks would look good, but I'm sure it would only be a matter of time until the rats showed up with their greased back hair and fluorescent socks and rock 'n' roll parties.

They're waterproof (okay, they're indoors, but it's good to know for those 'my grain bin is better than your grain bin' arguments once you're the wrong side of a few pints), rodent proof (despite their quiffs and creepers) and best of all cheap. Mine were cheaper as the first one had a bent panel so it was replaced, but it was too expensive to get a courier to collect the bent one. A swift roll across it with a fat child soon straightened it up.

Admittedly a few grain bins isn't the greatest progress, but I've also been ripping out the kitchen. I tell my Missus I'm replacing everything because I love her, but really I just need the old counters, cupboards and the oven extractor fan!
 
Nothing is worse that someone you can't punch striding into the brewery at a critical juncture. Typically my 5-year old will show up about the time I am pulling out equipment and filling my kettle, which means the entire brew session gets off to a bad start. It's amazing how distracting a child can be, especially when you're having to keep them away from hot water and 220V electricity. I have since went back to late night brewing for these reasons. If I had a brew shed like that, the first thing I would add is a bed and urinal.
 
First - like others I suffer from loads of envy. This should at least inspire me to clear a better space in my garage.

Maybe post-Brexit you can corner the Lincolnshire market for cold yellow Eurofiz with a big lagering fridge and a huge CO2 tank.

Anybody got an idea worse than that?
 
OP I hope you are more evidence that good things happen to good people because that building is definitely a GOOD THING. 🍻

I finally have a decent outdoor space for brewing after many years but compared to your building it is but a hillybilly hovel. Put a good tv, sound system, internet, and a La-z-boy recliner in it and SWMBO might file a missing persons report.

Please let us all live vicariously through your updates to this thread.
 

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