Mistakes in Parenting

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Tin4

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We're all human, we all make mistakes. I'm not talking about "I forgot to pick up the milk and my two year old can't eat his cereal." I'm talking about things a bit darker in nature, but not so dark you shouldn't post it for Johnny Law to find and use as evidence.

My 2 year is potty training. He's wears pullups at night. Underwear during the day. I wasn't quite a awake but I was all, "Need to get that diaper off you." pulled it off as it attaches at the sides. He insisted on underwear, but I'm feeling lazy so I said "Nah Dude you're cool. Just free ball it.", as for some reason he was already wearing shoes and I didn't want to have to undress him, redress him. Like I said, lazy.

An hour later he's walking around screaming "free ball!" at the top of his lungs pointing to his crotch.

His mom is going to wake up to that.

Well that and me laughing hysterically as I give him high fives.
 
That's awesome.

My son gets it from me, I was never a "sailor" but my language would indicate otherwise.

My boy dropped one of his lego creations and murmered under his breath "$hit". I asked him "what did you say" and his response was "Sorry dad, I didn't know you could hear me."

Oh, they grow up so fast.
 
Let's see-
I played Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" and the kids love to sing it at the most inappropriate times now.

I used to take the nighttime feedings when our son was a baby, and fell asleep one night while giving him a bottle on the couch. Woke up to him on the floor crying. Oops!

The mother in law watches the kids at our house whenever we're both working and the kids don't have school and would take care of the dog as well. My daughter was trying to get the dog off the couch one day after the mother in law left. "Charlie, get off the couch girl." Louder, "Charlie, off the couch." Even louder, "Charlie! Off the couch!" *dog doesn't budge* "Stupid ****ing dog!" :eek:
I knew right away where that gem came from and it wasn't my potty mouth haha
 
He didn't hear it from me, but my son used to use the "cvjoint" word a LOT when he was around four years old. Not cute in any way. I had a dramatic reaction the day he called me that word, and finally ended the problem.
 
So much awesomeness here.

Who else is messing up their kids with their foul mouth?

My Daughter (7) is allowed to say snap as her curse word (Thanks Fry!). She'll tell me "Dad, I'm so snap mad at you right now.". My response?

"Oh Snap!". Thanks again Fry. You changed my life.
 
I know that my parents should still be in prison.

I was frequently taken to the car and left to sit if I became a public nuisance in a store or restaurant.

Once on vacation I woke up in the back seat of the car to find it 8' in the air on a lift in a truck stop garage, while something minor was being fixed. My parents were inside having dinner, and since I was sleeping didn't want to wake me.

One day going somewhere with her mother, my buddys daughter blurted out "You dick eyed rat" when someone cut her mom off in traffic. Mom apparently stopped the car and ask where did you hear that, knowing full well it was from her husband. I was present when they came home, his wife was not happy, and I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom or something cause I couldn't keep a straight face.

I stated "Will someone answer that god damn phone" at my Great Aunt's house on thanksgiving. She was a very proper woman and a probate judge. I apparently even got my mom's vocal inflections correct.
 
I used to have a poster of Farrah Fawcett (yep, That poster) on the wall in my room, I was about 14 at the time. One day my sister is visiting with her kids & they're all hanging out with me, while the adults are downstairs. My 3 year old nephew starts asking what various things are around my room & finally he points to the Farrah poster & asks "what's this?" He had his finger right on Farrah's boob, right on her nipple; and me being the smartass that I am, I say "Boobies." He filed this info away & eventually we all went back downstairs to see about something to eat.

My nephew marches right into the living room, which not only had our family, but a few neighbors as well, and in a very loud voice, proudly said "BOOBIES!" With a grin the size of Texas. Of course everybody looked at him & then they all looked at me. I muttered "$hit" under my breath & went back upstairs. At least I didn't get in trouble.
Regards, GF.
 
Driving my mom to Florida to live with her mom after grandpa passed away. Had the wife and my firstborn (2 years old) in the car with us. Saw a cop pass us in the other direction and watched him brake hard and turn around in the median. I blurted out, "What the..." and my daughter finished with "Hell!"

Yes, the first time she swore and it had to be with my mom in the car. Embarrassing because my mom does not care for bad language. And I got an $80 ticket.

Funny thing is, my daughter didn't really swear at all that I know of, until she was around 18. Good to see she uses it sparingly, but properly these days (20).

Her younger sister is 15 and I don't think I've ever heard her swear at all. And I am much less careful around her than I was with her sister.
 
Wife and her family were at the Wheel of Fortune additions over the weekend.

I pumped my kids so full of candy and fast food they became docile... for a while. Then my 2 year old went on a "Everything must die" rampage tearing through the house with his plastic machinegun slaying dogs, his sister, myself, and most anything else that moved.

Mom got home about 10 pm Saturday night. My son's bedtime is 8. He was still up running through the house screaming at the top of his lungs.

I went to bed.
 
I called a ruler that was printed on a cooler a "dong gauge" to my neighbor while were having a few beers in the garage and my 2.5 year old must have overheard because later that night he was playing with his trains and I guess one of the tracks looks like a ruler.

"I need a dongag piece to put right here."

Thankfully, it's too hard for my wife to understand without context so she just smiled and said okay.

Me...I'm busting at the seams.
 
I called a ruler that was printed on a cooler a "dong gauge" to my neighbor while were having a few beers in the garage and my 2.5 year old must have overheard because later that night he was playing with his trains and I guess one of the tracks looks like a ruler.

"I need a dongag piece to put right here."

Thankfully, it's too hard for my wife to understand without context so she just smiled and said okay.

Me...I'm busting at the seams.

LOL!

Ruler on a cooler??

"You must be THIS long to have a beer..."
 
One night while sitting in her high chair eating spaghetti my 3 year old cousin knocked the bowl off the chairs table. Looking over the side she exclaimed, "Holy ****, look at this mess.
Direct quote from her favorite movie Harry and the Hendersons.
 
We were going across a long bridge at the coast and my son says "big *****!" Of course he was saying "big bridge". and of course I egged him on until I got the "that's enough" look from the wife.

He also liked big trucks. You can guess what that sounded like.:D


My avatar is a pic of him at the beech back then. we called him the Michelin baby. He's 21 now and rock climbs. He probably has less than 2% body fat.
 
Egging on a 3 year old with a slight speech impediment to continually say "Fire Truck"...

Many a fire **** were had that day.

Good thing it was my niece and my brother and sister-in-law were right there with me!
 
I've been waiting for a call from our 7 y/o's teacher. I've been schooling him on skinhead and punk rock so he doesn't have the same media fear/misinformation as most of the population. he's been going between a mohawk and a crop lately. every time I break out the clippers, I ask him if he wants a punk rock or a skinhead. a few weeks ago he told me he was asking kids on the playground at school if they'd rather be a punk rocker, a skinhead, or a "dirty stinkin' hippie".
 
Bounced my firstborn a head off the door frame of his room as he got bigger. I came clean to the wife nearly immediately. Her response was "thank god you did it too! I felt horrible when I did it" my thought was "thank god you did it first"
 
When my first had just come home I heated a bottle on the stove (3:00 am), but passed out on the couch without turning the burner off. The water all burned off along with the pot's plating. I was lucky to not burn down the house
 
When daddy has extended dad duty I put SessionableGoodness in his bumbo, put the bumbo on my desk, give him a few toys and there I am free to play Dragon Age Inquisition.

Parenting!
 
oh bumbo, how wonderful you are. Just have to wait for my newest to build up enough neck and core strength to be able to hold her head up. 3.5 weeks is not enough to let that work.
 
Had my son on the changing station and he'd been rolling over recently. So we started strapping him in using the handy seat belt thingy. That worked well until he took the entire thing over the side of dresser it had been sitting on.

I was washing my hands in the bathroom right next door when I hear the sickening thunk and the following crying. About 5 minutes later all was right with the world and I've learned that for the next kid you just have to put them on the floor after changing them when they start rolling.
 
My little dude woke up at 5 this morning. We typically wake up at 5:30.

I've been having bouts of insomnia and haven't had more than couple of hours of sleep in a few days now.

I knew my alarm hadn't gone off, but I could feel that it was close, so in my frustration I yelled out, "I swear to fword.". Well he heard it and that started my morning with "Fword Fword Fword" to the point mom woke up and took over so I could lay down.

He's at school now....I bet I get a call.
 
Had my son on the changing station and he'd been rolling over recently. So we started strapping him in using the handy seat belt thingy. That worked well until he took the entire thing over the side of dresser it had been sitting on.

I was washing my hands in the bathroom right next door when I hear the sickening thunk and the following crying. About 5 minutes later all was right with the world and I've learned that for the next kid you just have to put them on the floor after changing them when they start rolling.

k2-_39e7a516-4502-402c-8d9a-ecf921b354bd.v1.jpg


FYI. The loose end of the strap on both side of the bottom middle is for to screw the mattress to the table so it does not flip. It was in the manual. ;)
 
Had my son on the changing station and he'd been rolling over recently. So we started strapping him in using the handy seat belt thingy. That worked well until he took the entire thing over the side of dresser it had been sitting on.

I was washing my hands in the bathroom right next door when I hear the sickening thunk and the following crying. About 5 minutes later all was right with the world and I've learned that for the next kid you just have to put them on the floor after changing them when they start rolling.

We moved the changing station to the bathroom for this reason. Tight fit, but at least everything you need is within reach without having to move your feet :(
 
A long time ago, we used to do what we called "Lajoo". One person on each end of a flat sheet for the bed, folded to create a hammock, the baby nestled inside, while we gently swing it side to side singing a lullaby. Both of our children LOVED doing this well into their toddler years.

Issue was we used a flannel sheet once with the toddler. It split. Lajoo was no longer.
 
I left the door to the basement open.
My, then 18 month old son, came to the top of the stairs, and while reaching for the light switch, fell down the entire flight of stairs, busted his head on the concrete floor and got a pretty bad concussion.

That was 3 years ago and I still feel awful about it to this day.
 
My oldest daughter was such an awful, horrible, terrible baby that I had to use all my restraint on many an occasion to keep from strangling her just so I could get some sleep.

I felt kinda bad about that until one night my wife admitted she felt like strangling her, too.

Girl just got into Berkeley going for pre-med, so I guess keeping her alive just might pay off.
 
our oldest has been calling everyone "sissy". my bad. still though, kids need to harden the flocc up. our neighbors 10 y/o had a screaming fit where she was flopping around the ground like a fish out of water covered in bees that were on fire while having a seizure over a pair of roller blades. when I confronted her about it she just giggled like she was getting away with something. our 4 y/o knows better than to try crap like that with us.
 
You have only one chance raising children:
  1. Do your best with moral tales and retribution teachings until they are 10-12
  2. Monitor your temper and pray like Hell until they finish High School
  3. Restrict College Funds based on performance
  4. Revisit the relationship with a rational human being post-graduation
 
My 1 year old wanted to drink from my beer bottle so I put some beer on my finger (an IPA) thinking he would hate it and that would be the end... well he loved it and now he is obsessed with beer bottles. He will yank a bottle right out of your hand and cram it in his mouth before you know what is happening. He hasn't managed to upend one yet but it's just a matter of time until he ends up with a mouth/face/outfit full of beer.

My wife is not pleased.
 
1. After I dry off my 4 year old son from his tubby, I taught him to run around the house naked and tell anyone who'll listen "Don't act like you're not impressed." He's to say it whenever he's naked. It's pretty damn funny!

2. Whenever he hears the words "tattle" or "tattle tale" he yells "Snitches get stiches."

3. My son's middle name is Danger.




At some point, this is all going to backfire on me...
 
My 1 year old wanted to drink from my beer bottle so I put some beer on my finger (an IPA) thinking he would hate it and that would be the end... well he loved it and now he is obsessed with beer bottles. He will yank a bottle right out of your hand and cram it in his mouth before you know what is happening. He hasn't managed to upend one yet but it's just a matter of time until he ends up with a mouth/face/outfit full of beer.

My wife is not pleased.

Mine too. He says "Beer is tasty!" at what seems to be the most inopportune times...
 
Both my kids (5 and almost 3) "brew beer" in the shower with the soap foam, I'm a bit surprised that one hasn't come back to me from preschool...
 
My 5 yr old daughter came to me the other day and said- "I know the L word".
Me- what'?
Her- Hell!
Her- I know the eck word. "Heck" hehehe
Me- Ok hunny.
Her- I know the f word. ****!
Me- :eek:


****. I curse all the time, but not around my kids, my extended family, and my clients. I can sensor myself pretty well and don't think it came from me. Either way, ****.
 
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