It's Me! Every Girl Ever. - Home Brew Forums

Register Now!
Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > It's Me! Every Girl Ever.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-12-2007, 02:34 PM   #1
Evan!
 
Evan!'s Avatar
Recipes 
 
Aug 2006
Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 11,863
Liked 87 Times on 72 Posts



Spot on. I laughed out loud.

Quote:
Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!
__________________
MOSS HOLLOW BREWING CO.
Aristocratic Ales, Lascivious Lagers


.planned:
•Scottish 80/- •Sweet Stout •Roggenbier
.primary | bright:
98: Moss Hollow Soured '09 72: Oude Kriek 99: B-Weisse 102: Brett'd BDSA 104: Feat of Strength Helles Bock 105: Merkin Brown
.on tap | kegged:
XX: Moss Hollow Springs Sparkling Water 95: Gott Mit Uns German Pils 91b: Brown Willie's Oaked Abbey Ale 103: Merkin Stout
98: Yorkshire Special 100: Maple Porter 89: Cidre Saison 101: Steffiweizen '09 (#3)

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:40 PM   #2
Soulive
 
Soulive's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Mar 2007
The Middle of NJ
Posts: 4,278
Liked 25 Times on 25 Posts


Oh man that's priceless lol. The part describing the apartment is spot on. I hate the round papizan chairs!
__________________
Cheers!


===================
Green Lane Brewing
===================

Primary = Evan!'s Special Bitter
On Deck = EdWort's Porter / American Amber


EdWort's Haus Pale Ale Count

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:46 PM   #3
the_bird
10th-Level Beer Nerd
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
the_bird's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2006
Adams, MA
Posts: 20,883
Liked 523 Times on 420 Posts




What the hell's wrong with Papazian?
__________________
Come join Yankee Ingenuity!

"I'm kind of toasted. But I looked at my watch and it's only 6:30 so I can't stop drinking yet." - Yooper's Bob
"Brown eye finally recovered after the abuse it endured in Ptown last weekend, but it took almost a full week." - Paulie
"no, he just doesn't speak 'stupid'. i, however, am fluent...." - motobrewer
"... I'll go both ways." - Melana

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:49 PM   #4
Soulive
 
Soulive's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Mar 2007
The Middle of NJ
Posts: 4,278
Liked 25 Times on 25 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by the_bird


What the hell's wrong with Papazian?
Yeah I got tripped up on that, then re-read the "round" and realized what it was. Then I realized my disdain...
__________________
Cheers!


===================
Green Lane Brewing
===================

Primary = Evan!'s Special Bitter
On Deck = EdWort's Porter / American Amber


EdWort's Haus Pale Ale Count

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:52 PM   #5
Lil' Sparky
Cowboys EAC
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
Lil' Sparky's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Feb 2006
Honolulu, HI
Posts: 3,959
Liked 72 Times on 46 Posts


Classic
....
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by duffman2 View Post
I dub this beer the Double Slutty Triple Nutty Bodacious Booty Brunette!

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:52 PM   #6
Evan!
 
Evan!'s Avatar
Recipes 
 
Aug 2006
Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 11,863
Liked 87 Times on 72 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulive
Yeah I got tripped up on that, then re-read the "round" and realized what it was. Then I realized my disdain...
our minds are forever screwed...you know that, right? Every time you hear "infection", you'll think of a beer infection. Every time you hear "rack", you'll think of a racking cane. This is just how it goes.
__________________
MOSS HOLLOW BREWING CO.
Aristocratic Ales, Lascivious Lagers


.planned:
•Scottish 80/- •Sweet Stout •Roggenbier
.primary | bright:
98: Moss Hollow Soured '09 72: Oude Kriek 99: B-Weisse 102: Brett'd BDSA 104: Feat of Strength Helles Bock 105: Merkin Brown
.on tap | kegged:
XX: Moss Hollow Springs Sparkling Water 95: Gott Mit Uns German Pils 91b: Brown Willie's Oaked Abbey Ale 103: Merkin Stout
98: Yorkshire Special 100: Maple Porter 89: Cidre Saison 101: Steffiweizen '09 (#3)

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 02:57 PM   #7
Soulive
 
Soulive's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Mar 2007
The Middle of NJ
Posts: 4,278
Liked 25 Times on 25 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan!
our minds are forever screwed...you know that, right? Every time you hear "infection", you'll think of a beer infection. Every time you hear "rack", you'll think of a racking cane. This is just how it goes.
Yes but "labia" will always be reserved for non-brewing female context
__________________
Cheers!


===================
Green Lane Brewing
===================

Primary = Evan!'s Special Bitter
On Deck = EdWort's Porter / American Amber


EdWort's Haus Pale Ale Count

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 06:08 PM   #9
Neomich
Recipes 
 
Sep 2007
Fort Worth (soon)
Posts: 461

Yep, that's the typical dating scenario right there. I'm glad I'm not dealing with that any more.

But hey, at least she didn't have a kid! And wanted you to drop him off at his pre-school!
__________________
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."

-Frank Zappa

 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 06:23 PM   #10
rdwj
 
rdwj's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jun 2006
Plainfield, IL
Posts: 4,577
Liked 35 Times on 25 Posts


That site has some pretty funny stuff. They do the "Check out my striped shirt" thing too.
__________________
On Tap: Whatever I just brewed (got sick of updating it)

 
Reply With Quote


Reply
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hef's Girl Gabe Homebrew Ale Recipes 0 04-19-2008 10:50 PM
met a girl in a bar.......... Yooper General Chit Chat 23 09-12-2007 01:35 PM
It's a Girl!!! Flyin' Lion General Chit Chat 51 12-26-2006 10:00 PM
What a Girl! ScottT General Beer Discussion 13 11-09-2005 02:44 PM


Forum Jump