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Old 12-06-2007, 01:40 AM   #1
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After the last two games these rules were not implemented...But it was close...

Subject: New England Patriots rule changes

In order to address the complaints and hurt feelings of the rest of the NFL, the commissioner has adopted 10 new "Special Rules" for all New England Patriots games. They take effect immediately, and are as follows:

Special Rules for the Patriots

1) In the course of an NFL game, if the Patriots go up by more than 31 points, they are not allowed to play offense until the opposing team draws to within one score. (Pats will kick-off after an opposing team's touchdown or FG).

Once the team is within one score, the Pats offense may play, but Tom Brady may not, unless the Pats play with 8 players (including Tom), or the Pats play with 9 players, but 1 player for the Patriots is chosen by the opposing team fro m the stands. No Patriot linebacker is allowed to play offense, unless that LB is inserted at quarterback. However, Mike Vrabel cannot be quarterback.


2) If an opposing player states "It's like were playing 7-on-5s" (7 offense, 5 defense during practice), such as indicated by Justin Smith, DE, Cincinnati Bengals 10/1/07, the Patriots must take a time out and serve ice cold lemonade or hot tea (weather dependent) to the opposing team. Scones are optional.

3) Once the 31 point rule is in effect, the Patriots may challenge any play, but the opposing team gets veto power over the referee.

4) Once the Pats offense is allowed back onto the field (7 pts), for any forward pass the Pats QB must point to the receiver and call out his number BEFORE passing. If Tom Brady is quarterbacking at the time, he must do that, plus turn the opposing team's water cooler into wine BEFORE passing.

5) Belichick must diagram any Patriots play for the opposing defense and ensu re the y understand exactly how to disrupt the play. This must be done within the play clock. If this process is not complete prior to the play clock expiring, the Patriots will be assessed a delay of game and double unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.

6) Randy Moss must play with 10lb ankle weights on each ankle. An additional pound will be added for each TD this season.

7) Wes Welker is not allowed to have "that crazy look" in his eyes or a 10 yd, "crazy eyes" penalty will be assessed.

Cool Tom Brady must immediately stop dating supermodels as he will not be allowed to date anyone that is more attractive than the least attractive significant other of an opposing team member (including coaches). He also must start doing commercials for every product imaginable, especially ones where he chants "cut that meat!" or refers to himself "as a 6'5" quarterback with a laser-rocket arm"

9) Bill Belichick is not allowed to be within 100 yds of any infant, for fear That his evil super genius powers would assimilate such a defenseless creature into the Patriots System. We have already seen this effect on an inordinate amount of chipmunks, squirrels, and 'possum that commit suicide while crossing Rte 1 to reach Gillette Stadium.

10) Patriots must respect all opposing players feelings and apologize for every first down. Touchdowns must be followed by a written apology and a fruit basket presented with a hug.
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Old 12-06-2007, 03:31 AM   #2
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11) Bob Kraft must stop paying off the f*cking refs
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Old 12-06-2007, 03:56 AM   #3
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The final game against the Giants is on the NFL Network.

Do you think the NFL wants to $ee a perfect $ea$on?
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:02 AM   #4
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Rule 12) The pats are allowed to just cheat all the time, and if they get caught, they just get fined a few dollars.

In a very unlikely scenario for an eagles fan, I can see myself cheering Dallas in the superbowl. Nothing would be better than the pats getting all the way unbeaten then getting hammered in the big one.
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:05 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cd2448
Rule 12) The pats are allowed to just cheat all the time, and if they get caught, they just get fined a few dollars.

In a very unlikely scenario for an eagles fan, I can see myself cheering Dallas in the superbowl. Nothing would be better than the pats getting all the way unbeaten then getting hammered in the big one.


Nuh-uh. Cheer for the Packers. It'll be a repeat of '97.
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:14 AM   #6
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of course i'll be cheering for whoever is playing dallas, all the way... but if they get through to face those patriots, i'll be left with no choice
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:20 AM   #7
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GO Pats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:43 AM   #8
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I hate the PATS... and I hate the PACK.... I gotta go with the pack if it came down to it... (Shhhhh! don't tell anyone here in Viking land that I'd side with the Pack) New England just sucks.
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:35 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cd2448
Rule 12) The pats are allowed to just cheat all the time, and if they get caught, they just get fined a few dollars.
Since when is a first round draft pick "a few dollars"?

And as for paying off the refs, what short memories we all have. Remember just 1 week earlier when the refs tried in vain to hand the game to the Eagles? And how about the offense pass interference that WASN'T called on the last play of the game? Even the pundits who can't wait to see that Pats lose don't think the refs got it wrong on Monday night. (Speaking of which, could Kornhole have wanted the Pats to lose anymore? It was all he talked about from the opening kick).
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Old 12-07-2007, 02:33 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJadedDog
Since when is a first round draft pick "a few dollars"?

And as for paying off the refs, what short memories we all have. Remember just 1 week earlier when the refs tried in vain to hand the game to the Eagles? And how about the offense pass interference that WASN'T called on the last play of the game? Even the pundits who can't wait to see that Pats lose don't think the refs got it wrong on Monday night. (Speaking of which, could Kornhole have wanted the Pats to lose anymore? It was all he talked about from the opening kick).
Since they actually had two picks this coming draft. They still get a first rounder.

The refs continually give Randy Moss the no call when it comes to offensive interference. At least they had the guts to call it once in the Eagles game. Also, what about the completely blown call on the block in the back late in the Ravens game? I can't remember now who did the running, but the one guy somewhat in position to stop the play gets leveled from behind with no call.

The officiating this year is horrendus. In watching the games, they continually make bad and flakey calls, refuse to overturn bad calls despite visual evidence, and then can't make the right call when the game is on the line.

 
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