3 brewdays later and a ton of research i now have a reliable MYPIN TA4 direct fire RIM system. I subscribed to Finn Peacocks email news letter over at http://www.pidtuning.net
and that was the one single thing that i can say really helped me to understand the PID tuning process. After taking crane's advice i looked into a on/off setting for the proportional control, which there is, so switched it to on/off mode and that helped a fair amount. I then set the integral setting to 60 and for what we do it works perfect. I left the derivative value setting where auto tune left it. The controller will let the mash fall to half a degree below set point then raise to half a degree above, perfect for my application.
As for the temperature probes i retried the the ice slushy and set the probes in about halfway and stirred the mix with the probe. after the temp stabilized i set the temps to 32F and went about my brewday. According to my old cheap digital thermometer they were off about 2-3 degrees, good enough. Maybe someday ill invest in a thermapen to double check.
Thanks for the help!