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Old 04-08-2013, 02:59 PM   #1
CreamyGoodness
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The ONLY way to truly brew beer at home is not just a matter of AG vs. extract. After you write out your own recipe and weigh out the hops you grew yourself, you will have to malt the grains that you have not just grown on your property, but personally grafted and genetically engineered to make new unique grains. Just buying 2-row at the LHBS is soooo Junior Varsity.



You did of course cross-pollinate your hops, right?
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YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!


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Old 04-08-2013, 03:10 PM   #2
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But first you have to smelt the ore to make the metal to build your own brew kettle, dontja?

Then you do this, only on a bigger scale.

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Old 04-08-2013, 03:11 PM   #3
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See... thats the voice of experience talking. I never would have even thought of that.
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See, that's where the real story is.
In the competition for the attention of the space aliens.
Everyone's equal in the eyes of God, but the space aliens, you've got to figure they would play favorites.




YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!


 
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Old 04-12-2013, 03:06 AM   #4
KayaBrew
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What's a hop?
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:03 AM   #5
Zuljin
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And you've to make the soil you grow it all in, from composted vegetables you grew from seed you harvested from past vegetable gardens.
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:10 AM   #6
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dang it, i forgot about the cross-pollination. i can raise my bees to do that, if needed
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:25 AM   #7
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I've actually been thinking about evolving my own bee-like insect (ideally a bee) from some single-cell organisms I found in one of my bottles for this very purpose!

I figure on their own through random genetic mutation they should be up and running a couple hundred thousand years.

But with the guiding hand of myself who knows next to nothing about biology or any science for that matter, I might be able to cut that time in half.

 
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:41 AM   #8
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Pffft, I outsource all my genetic modification and pollenator destruction to Monsanto. Leaves me with some free time to run through the streets with my pants on my head.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:50 AM   #9
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You obviously don't "get" home brewing or "DIY"


Why not just buy beer if you can't be bothered?

 
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:29 AM   #10
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I cross bred yeast with hops. it can withstand boiling wort without dying off. and will fully ferment, carbonate, and age any style properly by the end of boil so you can have the freshest beer possible. oh, and it's self chilling to proper serving temps.
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