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Old 08-29-2007, 01:17 AM   #1
homebrewer_99's Avatar
Feb 2005
Atkinson (near the Quad Cities), IL
Posts: 17,792
Liked 132 Times on 99 Posts

Had to share...

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written& nbsp;in the
e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.


(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep
her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So
chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostati on 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh,
shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING
TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!"




Go drink some tea - whore.

A+ - I really liked this one...
HB Bill

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Old 08-29-2007, 01:24 AM   #2
Jun 2006
Ajax, Upper Canada (Toronto)
Posts: 470
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts

Good one !

Primary :
On Order: nothing at all..for a few months
Thinking about: Plisner malt and saaz hops

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Old 08-29-2007, 01:24 AM   #3
olllllo's Avatar
Apr 2006
Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 13,330
Liked 140 Times on 114 Posts

I don't get it. How did women get to Venus if they banned space travel?
Rabbit And Coyote Schwag
Rob - Phoenix Ambassador to Milwaukee
Where did your avatar go?
Ginger Beer for Moscow Mules Bacon Vodka

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Old 08-29-2007, 01:31 AM   #4
PsicloneRN's Avatar
Aug 2007
Reno, NV
Posts: 168
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts

Haha that was great!
Code Blue Brewery

Planning- Centennial Blonde, SNPA clone
Primary- AG Bavarian Hefeweizen, AG Haus Pale Ale
Secondary- Blueberry Mead
Bottled- Dry. Dear lord no!
On Tap- Robust Porter, Old Ale

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Old 08-29-2007, 02:00 AM   #5
rdwj's Avatar
Jun 2006
Plainfield, IL
Posts: 4,577
Liked 35 Times on 25 Posts

God, I hope that's true
On Tap: Whatever I just brewed (got sick of updating it)

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Old 08-29-2007, 01:19 PM   #6
May 2007
Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 177

haha. teacher was clearly a male

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Old 08-29-2007, 02:47 PM   #7
david_42's Avatar
Oct 2005
Oak Grove, Oregon, USA
Posts: 25,595
Liked 153 Times on 144 Posts

She kills off his character first & that makes him the bad guy? You never, ever kill the other author's characters. Maim, mutilate, cripple, defame, fine; but, NEVER kill.
Remember one unassailable statistic, as explained by the late, great George Carlin: "Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!"

"I would like to die on Mars, just not on impact." Elon Musk

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Old 08-29-2007, 06:01 PM   #9
Hell Brew
Jun 2007
CLear Lake TX
Posts: 320
Liked 2 Times on 2 Posts

Maybe I' ll have some Earl Gray. LOL. Classic.

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Old 08-29-2007, 08:54 PM   #10
Evets's Avatar
Jan 2006
Lancaster County, Pa.
Posts: 1,949
Liked 237 Times on 105 Posts

.... The End....
If I'd known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!

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