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Old 11-25-2012, 05:08 PM   #1
Stauffbier
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Why do I always end up having to fart when I'm racking or bottling beer? The same thing happens when I'm on a date!
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Old 11-25-2012, 05:24 PM   #2
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Why does it matter? As long as you're not pushing the envelop too far, it's all good.

Learn to 'stealth fart' for when you're on a date...
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:00 PM   #3
dkwolf
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Yep. As long as you're not lifting a leg and leaning (or rattling the windows), you should be able to crack a few off on a date no problem. I used to be able to tell you at a glance if a certain piece of furniture (say, for instance, a couch) was going to 'hold' one for you*, or if you'd soon be basking in your own glory.

It helps if you can time 'em with an excuse - say the waiter taking the order at the table next to you, passing a farm while driving, etc. You can sometimes blame the dog - but only if she hasn't experienced your dog's farts yet. (My lab has a very distinct "brand". Will water your freaking eyes.)

*I had an armchair in my dorm in college...thing was great. You could drop the nastiest, foulest, most unholy bomb known to man in that thing, and not smell it a bit. But god help the next poor sap to flop down in that chair - it'd release the last two weeks worth it had been holding. You always GENTLY sat down in that thing. Every time we had women coming over, that thing got a full BOTTLE of Febreeze.

 
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:02 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stauffbier View Post
Why do I always end up having to fart when I'm racking or bottling beer? The same thing happens when I'm on a date!
Because you're a man?

I never have that issue, because as we all know females don't fart.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Golddiggie View Post
Why does it matter? As long as you're not pushing the envelop too far, it's all good.

Learn to 'stealth fart' for when you're on a date...
the stealth fart can go horribly wrong... be careful with that one.

 
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:21 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carguy13 View Post
the stealth fart can go horribly wrong... be careful with that one.
It's not easy to shoot down, when proper methods are employed. You need to practice so that you can do it and not grin like a madman after though. Plus, make sure you're either leaving an area, or the wind is in your face (and she's not right behind you ).

Or you could just blame it on new shoes. Even if you're wearing the same ones for years. In which case, blame the OLD shoes.
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On Tap: Caramel Ale, Mocha Porter II, MO SMaSH IPA
Waiting/Carbonating: 12.5% Wee Honey II, 8.9% Old Ale, English Brown Ale, Lickah ESB, Mocha Porter II
Fermenting
K1:
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:06 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carguy13 View Post
the stealth fart can go horribly wrong... be careful with that one.
It can easily shape-shift into a shart if you're not absolutely careful.
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KayaBrew View Post
It can easily shape-shift into a shart if you're not absolutely careful.
That's why your fartfoo must be strong. Plus, having total sphincter control is critical.
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Hopping Tango Brewery

跟猴子比丟屎 ・ Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se

On Tap: Caramel Ale, Mocha Porter II, MO SMaSH IPA
Waiting/Carbonating: 12.5% Wee Honey II, 8.9% Old Ale, English Brown Ale, Lickah ESB, Mocha Porter II
Fermenting
K1:
K2: Epic mead
K3: TripSix
On Deck: Caramel Ale
Aging:mead
Mead [bottled]:Oaked Wildflower Traditional, Mocha Madness, Blackberry Melomel, maple wine

 
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Golddiggie View Post

Learn to 'stealth fart' for when you're on a date...
I've actually done this quite a few times. I've tried holding them in, but that creates vapor lock. Vapor lock never ends well!
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:20 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stauffbier View Post
I've actually done this quite a few times. I've tried holding them in, but that creates vapor lock. Vapor lock never ends well!
Don't hold them in, just perform a slow release with low force/pressure behind it. Of course, that's only if you're still on the first few dates. After that, the gloves come off.
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Hopping Tango Brewery

跟猴子比丟屎 ・ Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se

On Tap: Caramel Ale, Mocha Porter II, MO SMaSH IPA
Waiting/Carbonating: 12.5% Wee Honey II, 8.9% Old Ale, English Brown Ale, Lickah ESB, Mocha Porter II
Fermenting
K1:
K2: Epic mead
K3: TripSix
On Deck: Caramel Ale
Aging:mead
Mead [bottled]:Oaked Wildflower Traditional, Mocha Madness, Blackberry Melomel, maple wine

 
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