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Old 10-26-2012, 11:00 PM   #1
sonofgrok
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I hate Halloween. I hate it. The only time I ever liked it was back in my college days because chicks wore slutty costumes and we threw mad parties.

I live in a neighborhood that people have decided is Halloween friendly. Parents from all over town literally bus (not joking) their kids into my neighborhood to trick or treat. The population in my neighborhood quadruples on this one night a year.

Now the first 2 years after we moved here, we tried to be good sports about the whole thing. We bought full size candy bars, were super friendly, and all that bullsh!t. You know what we got in return? Kids being ********. I cannot tell you how many kids are just jerks when you give them candy. Add that in with going through $50 worth of candy in 30 minutes, the doorbell every two seconds freaking my dogs out, and the ungrateful little sh!ts smashing up my yard and bitching about only being allowed one fullsize candybar or one handful of candy... I am done. No more Halloween at my house. Now, the lights stay off and the doorbell gets taped up.

Oh, people still come to the door and try to knock and even jiggle the handle. 4 years of this so far and I still dread every Halloween. Its like night of the living poorly raised children... my own personal hell...

Grrrrrrr.
Yes, I am a bitter bastard.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:06 PM   #2
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LOL Wow!

What you need to do is have fun with it. Dress up like a scarecrow, wear dark glasses, ski cap, hat, bulky clothing to obscure your breathing. Sit motionless on your porch with a sign hung around your neck stating "please take only one."

If the kid takes one, remain motionless and say goodbye to the kid after he is a good 10-20 feet away... Just a little startle. But if they try to take more than one, jerk violently and shout in your best demonic voice, "I SAID TAKE ONLY ONE!!!!!"

It's hilarious. You will have the older kids (the worst of the brats), literally ****ting their pants!!! It makes Halloween worth it for me.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:06 PM   #3
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+100
My wife and kids have been upset with me about this for years. I don't participate. The family used to go off and do the neighborhood tour and leave me at the house with the understanding that I would answer the door pass out candy. Never happened, as soon as they left, off went the outside lights. Yet none of them would miss out on collecting their own treats and watch the door at home. Annoying, and the family calls me "grumpy old fart" and "don't you like to see all the little children in their costumes?" No, I don't.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:07 PM   #4
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I love Halloween, it's Christmas I hate....
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:09 PM   #5
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Boy, don't get me started on Arbor Day!!!!! Plant your own tree FOOL!!!! AAAAaaaaargh!!!
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooter View Post
AAAAaaaaargh!!!
How do you feel about "Talk Like a Pirate" Day?

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Old 10-26-2012, 11:11 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooter View Post
Boy, don't get me started on Arbor Day!!!!! Plant your own tree FOOL!!!! AAAAaaaaargh!!!
Awesome.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:12 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZ_IPA View Post
How do you feel about "Talk Like a Pirate" Day?
AAAaaaargh!!!!!
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:16 PM   #9
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I do remember one year, this really sweet kid came up with his dad. For some reason my MIL had bought us a bunch of raisin boxes to hand out that year and of course none of the kids were taking them. This kid got genuinely excited "Oh yay raisins! Thank you so much sir." His dad looked genuinely embarrassed. Me: "Sure kid. Here is a whole bag of them.". The kid looked like he might just pass out from genuine ecstasy.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:16 PM   #10
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One year when I was young and single, my roommate and I decided to embrace Halloween. We made some really horrible pumpkins and I just shoved candles through the sides of the pumpkin, dripped fake blood around the incisions asnd lit them on fire. We had death metal playing and when he answered the door, i stood in the background wearing an evil costume and stared at them crazy.

We got three trick or treaters. I heard several kids crying to their parents "But I don;t want to go to that house"

 
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