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Old 10-22-2012, 01:42 PM   #11
Halbrust
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I hoped this was a joke thread. I'm sad it wasn't, and said those things were actually said to you.
"How much does a Chinese baby cost?" is only funny when it's a joke. When it's a question, there is no humor there.

I do have a question for you as an adoptive father of a child from a different culture... Are you going to put any worry or I emphasis into teaching that child about their birth culture? I am a proponent of teaching children about their history. But not sure how I would handle it if I adopted. Is their history the history of their birth parents. Or is their history the history of my wife and myself?
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:01 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halbrust View Post
Is their history the history of their birth parents. Or is their history the history of my wife and myself?
Their history is of that nation in which they were born. If born in china, the child is chinese. If born in US, that child is american.

As to ancestral relevance, if the child asks, teach.

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:15 PM   #13
VinceF
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I think it will be a mix. Obviously we won't start speaking mandarin around the house, but we will make sure that she stays connected to the place of her birth. In case anyone is wondering about citizenship, she'll be granted US citizenship once we set foot in America, and will conversely lose her Chinese citizenship. She can't be president though!

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:27 PM   #14
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Congrats Vince! There are a number of families in our church that have adopted babies from China, so I'm somewhat aware of the costs and challenges. Good luck to you and your family, I know this will bring you much joy and satisfaction, as well as providing a wonderful home for a needy child. I wish you the best!

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 09:06 PM   #15
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It is amazing what people ask sometimes without thinking. People always ask when my wife and I are going to have kids. My response is "we've got two furry ones right now".

In actuality, I want to say "well, since you asked, my wife and I are probably not able to have children due to some of her medical conditions. We would like to adopt one someday if the good lord allows.".

Now I understand that people often don't think about that until they are in the circumstance themselves, but it does get annoying (and emotional for my wife). I know people mean no harm by it, but still.

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:00 PM   #16
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Congratulations and I applaud your restraint, sir!

My wife gets upset with me as I tend to be much less patient around those who are annoyingly stupid or unthinking.
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Old 10-23-2012, 04:12 PM   #17
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Appropriate questions for adoptive father

"A boy or a girl?"
"How long will you be in China before you bring him home?"
"Do you or your wife speak Mandarin/Cantonese?"
"How old is he/she?"

After that Im starting to draw a blank. Maybe the rhetoric "how excited are you, huh?!"
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Old 10-23-2012, 04:20 PM   #18
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I think people just need to play it back in their heads before opening their mouths. If it's a delicate subject whatsoever, I try to think of the least potential to offend, or not ask it at all. It also depends on how well you know the person. I might ask a very close friend if they don't mind sharing the approximate cost of the process of adopting from China, but even in that case, I'd never ask how much it cost to buy a baby...If I didn't know them very well I wouldn't even comment on the financial aspect as it's personal, as you mentioned, like asking how much money someone makes. And really, unless I'm considering the same, there's no reason to ask in the first place.
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Old 10-23-2012, 04:27 PM   #19
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I was going to say that, one day, I hope your daughter has a happy ending but, given the ethnic considerations, I thought I should refrain.

Wait, whoops.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 04:29 PM   #20
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There's a lot of socially inept people out there. Don't take their words to heart.

Congrats on the adoption. You're doing a fine thing.

 
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