Things not to say to adoptive father... - Home Brew Forums
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:33 AM   #1
VinceF
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Ok, so the wife and I are about a month away from going to China to adopt a beautiful 3 year old girl. We've got two bio boys and decided to add another kiddo, but in a different way this time. Here's a few things people have said to us, my response, and what I really wanted to say. Just in case any of you meet any other adoptive parents in the future!

1. How much does it cost to buy a baby?

"We aren't buying a baby, we're adopting a child. Of course there are certain expenses involved."

Wow. My father taught me at a young age not to ask people how much money they make or what they pay for certain things. Too bad yours didn't do the same. Are you asking because you want to write me a check? Checks are accepted.

2. Why didn't you just have another kid yourselves?

"We discussed having more children and are doing what we think is best for our family."

If you must know, my wife had two fairly risky pregnancies. One child was premature, with the other she was on bed rest for two months. Why don't you tell me intimate details about your wife's uterus now, since we're sharing?

3. There are plenty of kids in the US who need a home. You should have just adopted locally.

"Thank you for the advice. Again, we discussed many different ways of growing our family. This is what we decided to do."

Thanks, pal! Are you saying that my daughter is less worthy of having a family because she was born in a different country? Because that's what it sounds like you're saying.

4. Ok, this last one was related to my wife by a friend. The comment was made by an acquaintance.

"So, what do you think about the F's and their chink baby?"

If I ever personally hear you say that, I'll dig out your kidneys with a grapefruit spoon. I'm not kidding. I have a grapefruit spoon.

I hope this is an Ok place to vent. I've had a large bottle of biere de garde, so it seemed appropriate enough. I really do mean this to be somewhat humorous, these are only a few accumulated comments over the last year. I'm sure most people mean well, but some comments grate on me more than others. Cheers!

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Old 10-22-2012, 01:51 AM   #2
gab
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Nice constraint on your part, those are some crazy statements.

Congrats on the new daughter, she'll have a great role model for not dropping down to the stupidity of others.

Cheers :-)

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:07 AM   #3
day_trippr
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Clearly, you need to upgrade your social stratum, 'cuz the people you're running into now are all idiots

Cheers - and congrats on the new addition!

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:53 AM   #4
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My wife and I might adopt in the future. I have two daughters and we discussed adopting a son. How much did it cost you with attorneys all? Not to buy of course. We'd probably end up going with a Latin country because of one of my best friends.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:58 AM   #5
mattd2
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Number four made me cringe! Classic case of people need to be taught that if you would not say it direct to someones face don't say it at all because it will no doubt get back to them. Never knew there was a specific spoon for grapefruit, just googled it and I wouldn't want that thing anywhere near me.
Congratualtions on nearing the end on a long journey, good luck for the future

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 12:14 PM   #6
VinceF
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Thanks for the well wishes. Airborne, sent you a pm.

 
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Old 10-22-2012, 12:15 PM   #7
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Congratulations! Hope your trip goes well.
It's too bad that there are so many rude people. Curiosity often trumps manners.
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:09 PM   #8
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My mind, it boggles. I can see how someone who means well could stumble upon saying something offensive (Lord knows I have) but not a single one of these could be described as "well meaning". I applaud your restraint, and I hope your acquaintance at #4 gets the same severety of hemorrhoids that I suffer from. Nothing life threatening, but decidedly unpleasant.

Culturally we are a mixed bag of stupid. Yesterday I was at Washington Irving's grave (yearly tradition) and a little girl of I would say 8 was having trouble getting down the very steep stone steps. I actually asked her mom if it was ok that I help her before carrying her down. However, in the same graveyard a perfect stranger put her hands on a pregnant woman's stomach out of nowhere (I think I just heard a blood vessel in Airborne's eye explode). Shouldnt this be the other way around?
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:26 PM   #9
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I'll keep quite till I can develop a grapefruit spoon proof vest.
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:35 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CreamyGoodness View Post
Culturally we are a mixed bag of stupid. Yesterday I was at Washington Irving's grave (yearly tradition) and a little girl of I would say 8 was having trouble getting down the very steep stone steps. I actually asked her mom if it was ok that I help her before carrying her down. However, in the same graveyard a perfect stranger put her hands on a pregnant woman's stomach out of nowhere (I think I just heard a blood vessel in Airborne's eye explode). Shouldnt this be the other way around?
No.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 509inc View Post
I'll keep quite till I can develop a grapefruit spoon proof vest.
Quite, what?

 
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