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Old 10-09-2012, 08:27 PM   #61
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whattawort View Post
I experienced this phenomenon myself only it was with mescal. All i remember from the last time was waking up in soiled clothes with only one shoe in sight (on my foot) and I was in some stranger's house. She was cute, but I still have no idea who she was. I know we didn't do the horizontal mambo though. I was still dressed. The taste that was left in my mouth hung out for a few days too.
Honestly, I think we all have an Achilles heel of drinks. Mine is just very extreme.

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 08:55 PM   #62
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One more patron identified by drink request:

The "hoppiest beer you have": You don't feel like you've gotten your money's worth out of a beer unless your teeth are completely stripped of their enamel by the time you're done with it. You know it's a good beer when the hop fumes from your IIIIIPA make your girlfriend's eyes water from across the table. You're probably the kind of guy who buys the hottest hot sauce you can find, then pours half the bottle in your chili just to prove how tough you are. Yes, we all know that you bench pressed 320 lbs, and you can hold your breath under water for 2 1/2 minutes. Yes, we remember that time you ate 23 tacos from Taco Bell, just to prove that you could do it.

You're very impressive. Now please, let me drink my mild in peace.

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Old 10-09-2012, 08:59 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerrodm View Post
You're very impressive. Now please, let me drink my mild in peace.
You get a high five and a "Hallelujah brother" for that post!

 
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:48 AM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerrodm View Post
One more patron identified by drink request:

The "hoppiest beer you have": You don't feel like you've gotten your money's worth out of a beer unless your teeth are completely stripped of their enamel by the time you're done with it. You know it's a good beer when the hop fumes from your IIIIIPA make your girlfriend's eyes water from across the table. You're probably the kind of guy who buys the hottest hot sauce you can find, then pours half the bottle in your chili just to prove how tough you are. Yes, we all know that you bench pressed 320 lbs, and you can hold your breath under water for 2 1/2 minutes. Yes, we remember that time you ate 23 tacos from Taco Bell, just to prove that you could do it.

You're very impressive. Now please, let me drink my mild in peace.
I'll testify to that! Preach on brotha. You wanna drink something that has an aroma thats tantamount to 12 cats pissing in a bottle? Great. But do it over there.
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:03 PM   #65
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White Russian- You will require paramedics and/or uniformed police officer by the end of the night.
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See, that's where the real story is.
In the competition for the attention of the space aliens.
Everyone's equal in the eyes of God, but the space aliens, you've got to figure they would play favorites.




YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!


 
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:44 PM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerrodm
One more patron identified by drink request:

The "hoppiest beer you have":
You're very impressive. Now please, let me drink my mild in peace.
I laughed in public when I read this.

I work at a beer bar where a lot of young people like to meet up for their first Internet date. I've seen enough of them that I know when the dude (and it is always the dude) orders "the hoppiest thing you have", the date doesn't end too well. Invariably, the guy throws a few IIPA's back, not realizing they're 8-9%, and takes things a little further than he had planned, usually resulting in him leaving the bar alone. Tragic but hilarious.

 
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:58 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mike280Z
"Hey bartender, can I get a....."

1.) Bud Light:

You just graduated college, or are likely to say, "Seriously, you don't got Bud Light?!" ...when I look at you and say, "Sorry man, we don't carry Bud Light." If not, you have 2-5 kids and play in my parents co-ed softball league. Your preferred method of consumption is in a can wrapped up in a foam coozy.

2.) Any Obscure Beer That Odds Are Really Good I Don't Carry:

"Yeah, can I get a Old Thomas IPA?" Odds are good that you're pry a douche bag with little common sense and a trust fund. Unfortunately the only one that sells it was the store you went to in suburban Ohio, or Old Thomas himself. The people at your job think your a narc and I'm sure your parents wouldn't be tremendously heartbroken if you couldn't make it home for Christmas this year.

3.) Wine

Your either a smart woman or a guy I wanna slap in the face. 98% of the time guys order wine they are trying to showcase their superior intelligence or sommelier level knowledge of the grape variety that was used. There is a good chance you batted 9th in Little League and are considering growing a mustache if not already sporting a fury lip accessory at the moment.

4.) Whiskey/Bourbon/Rye:

Its all in how you order it...

Neat - you like whiskey. That whiskey. If you are invited to a BBQ, your first question is if there will be a full bottle of the stuff you like. If you are told "no" then a stop at the nearest liquor store prior to your attendance is necessary.

Rocks - you have punched at least five guys in the face, have a tattoo honoring someone who passed away, or are a hipster with at least 4 and no more than 8 PBR's in your fridge.

Old Fashion - you have no idea what's in this drink. You hear them ordered when watching Mad Men with your group of buddies who are are also busy not getting laid. Then our lives intersect upon you entering my bar.

Scotch - You are my grandfathers age and have a great story about back in the day. If you are under the age of 35 odds are good that you hate drinking this stuff but really hope everyone heard your order, as to show you are a man. You are also wondering how you can have a Mike's Hard Lemonade delivered to the privacy of the men's bathroom stall so you can shame drink.

Vodka:

The official sprit of loud women, and drop out fraternity guys. Be it a vodka soda, or the Evil Bastard of two part alcoholic drinks...Vodka and Red Bull, they are the evil nectar that fuels your most annoying patrons. Also 100% of exit polls answered by the people vomiting in my bathroom said vodka was their drink of choice.

5.) Gin:

You are English, or if American you enjoy the cocktail culture. There are actually an overwhelming amount of Americans that hate this spirit. It usually goes back to a bad experience when we were in high school and raided our parents liquor cabinet, and the only thing in there was a ****ty bottle of gin. Then we drank it with Sunny D (Thank you Snoop Doggy Dogg) , and a couple hours later got violently ill. This painful memory has now given you a chip on your shoulder for this spirit.

I, as well as a lot of great bartenders prefer to mix proper gin cocktails. When done correctly, it's amazing. So I have a guy that comes in and likes trying new and different cocktails with only one rule...no gin. I have only been making his drinks with gin for the past three years, and he has no idea.

6.) Tequila/Rum

Rum and Coke- That must have been a fake I.D.

Daiquiri - You have seen "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" or own a Jimmy Buffet concert tee shirt.

Patron - You hate tequila, especially because you also ordered it chilled. If you ordered Cafe Patron I'm willing to bet you the joint in my pocket that you have cocaine in yours.

Mezcal - You know your tequila and have a sophisticated pallet. If not, you're ordering it for your buddy because you think my Mezcal has a worm in it and you want to make your buddy puke. You are the guy that can't wait for your friends to pass out at a house party so you can whip out your Sharpie and draw a dick on his face.

7.) and lastly...Water:

You are either one of three:

1.) Responsible and Courteous - The confident dude who has a water with his drinks because he knows how to handle booze correctly. Never the guy to make a scene and usually is the fella with the really hot woman in the bar. Always tosses you a buck for every water you pour him.

2.) Cheep - You're pry going outside my bar every 30 minutes to smoke all your buddies pot because you're broke. So you're thrifty kickin' status has brought you into my bar for an evening of free waters because I guess I'm a hydration philanthropist.

3.) Drunk - You know yer drunk. I know yer drunk. No one in here really thinks yer a designated driver candidate.

"Cheers!" -
TIL:
If you order drinks, you're most likely a douche.
Some good nuggets of truth here!

 
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:40 PM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobbrews View Post
It's amusing to me when someone says their favorite liquor is vodka. It's a colorless, odorless, and flavorless spirit (if you actually get it without the crazy added flavors). What you should be buying it for is for the smoothness and it's ability to be hidden in a mixed cocktail.

"Patron - You hate tequila." Haha, so true. The best tequilas are those you've probably never heard of. Patron is a step above Cuervo Gold and other $15-20 mixtos... that's about it.
This is a misconception. Vodka is neither flavorless, nor oderless, and there is a huge variance in quality. Quality vodka will have far fewer phenols, esters, and fusel alchohols than cheaper options. It will taste and smell better, and it will not give you the hangovers associated with the cheap stuff. Just as you would be able to notice differences in a beer brewed using two different yeasts, you should be able to notice differences in vodkas.

 
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:50 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stillbrewin View Post
This is a misconception. Vodka is neither flavorless, nor oderless, and there is a huge variance in quality. Quality vodka will have far fewer phenols, esters, and fusel alchohols than cheaper options. It will taste and smell better, and it will not give you the hangovers associated with the cheap stuff. Just as you would be able to notice differences in a beer brewed using two different yeasts, you should be able to notice differences in vodkas.
Same with tequila.
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:34 PM   #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stillbrewin View Post
This is a misconception. Vodka is neither flavorless, nor oderless, and there is a huge variance in quality. Quality vodka will have far fewer phenols, esters, and fusel alchohols than cheaper options. It will taste and smell better, and it will not give you the hangovers associated with the cheap stuff. Just as you would be able to notice differences in a beer brewed using two different yeasts, you should be able to notice differences in vodkas.
I disagree. Of course there is some flavor or else we wouldn't be able to discern vodka from water. But as a spirit it is extremely neutral in flavor and odor. You're buying vodka for the smoothness, the mouthfeel, and it's versatility... not it's flavor, complexity, or unique smell. Especially because this spirit is usually distilled several times, stripping it of any character from the grain or potato that were used to make it. With vodka, there is no mixto vs. 100% agave. There is no oak aging or hints of vanilla. You just have a blank slate.

As far as quality goes, the variance is not all that huge when compared to say Whiskey, Rum, or Tequila. 98% of the decent vodkas on the market are in the $20-40 range for standard bottle size with no advancements in terms of complexity of actual flavor from the 2% of higher priced $60 bottles... just smoothness and mouthfeel. There are a few like Crystal Skull, Jewel of Russia, and Jean XO that are considered "luxury" (I guess)... but you're mostly paying for the fancy bottle design.

If you want to taste Vodka with flavor, try Gin. When it comes down to it, it is very close to vodka with that added juniper complexity.

 
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