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Old 09-24-2012, 06:20 PM   #1
CreamyGoodness
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So far, one of the major perks of having a woman love me is the very limited consequeces of torturing her. My wife has the patience of a Saint, and I take full advantage of this. Below are a few of my favorite techniques to share. I take no liability for any marriage or relationship, including my own, that might end in their use. HBTer discretion is advised.

* Bring a book to read on the toilet, preferably a large reference volume. Leave this on the bathroom floor.

* Come in from outside with a sweaty head. Bonus points if you have headfunk. Tell her to rub your head for good luck. Once in a while, she'll fall for it.

* Touch the tip of your thumb to your fingertips and bend your elbow back. When she isnt expecting it, strike her sharply with your fingertips and say "cobra strike!" They hate that.

* From the bathroom, shout "Holy crap! Hey babe check this out!"

* Walk around the house in your boxers and black dress socks. I do not know why this bothers the ladies so, but it does. Exploit this.

* Turn any framed photo in the house/apartment upside down. Wait to see if she notices.

* Make pickled eggs. Come out of the kitchen with the jar and proudly present them. This is even better if it is pickled pigs feet.

* Y'know that tea kettle her mom gave her that is shaped like an apple? Consistantly refer to it as the "the tomato kettle" no matter how often she corrects you.

* Blow a loud zerbert on her first thing in the morning, before she wakes up.

* Tell her about a new fetish you have developed. If asks what it is, tell her you want to keep your sex life just like it is now, only thing you want her to wear socks on her hands. Or, tell her you want to be holding a spoon at the time. Try to appear as serious as possible. Eventually one of you will eventually break, but I am really hoping to hear that some poor SWMBO comes to bed with a pair of throwback sweat socks on her hands.

* Wear her underwear on your head for a while. Wait til she gets mad.

These should get you started.
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Old 09-24-2012, 06:50 PM   #2
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Wash and dry all of her clothes. You'll screw it up and likely ruin many garments.

You'll never have to do laundry again.

Also walk around and talk to them with your ball sack hanging out like nothing is happening. Sneak up on them and rest your nuts on their shoulder. You score 1 point for every second they remain in contact.

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Old 09-24-2012, 08:42 PM   #3
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Make it look like your picking your nose(or do) and wipe your finger on her. I've gotten mine to change her pants. I didn't even do anything. But she to this day thinks I did..

the most obvious, leave the seat up. We have three bathrooms and I purposely do it in each one.

When laying in bed, leave a quiet fart, then make her roll over, pull the sheets up, something to get them to waft said fart into her own face. Better than dutch ovening her yourself. She does it on her own.

To think I'm not even married yet. God love her..

Edit: forgot one. Purposely scroll through the guide and stop at the smut channels and read every title off out loud. Then when you get to the dirtiest sound one. Go "hmm..." in a provoking way. Either you'll find out how much of a freak she is, or you'll get a "REALLY!!?!?..."
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Old 09-24-2012, 08:45 PM   #4
Revvy
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:59 PM   #5
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Lol troll thread, good ideas. We just mess around seems they always want in your head ( im talking about the brain).

Lol thanks for this made me laugh. Fighting with SWMBO today ( preggo )

 
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:53 AM   #6
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Dammit, I did it again, clicked on a CreamyGoodness thread... read Chap read!

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Old 09-25-2012, 11:20 AM   #7
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If she ever send you to the store to pick up maxi pads, pick up the biggest thickest ones you can find. Try to get the ones that are slightly smaller than a queen size mattress. you will never be sent again
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:36 AM   #8
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Reverse the direction of the toilet paper & see how long it takes her to notice.
Unroll the toiletpaper roll a little bit & write a msg on it for her, then roll it back up & wait.
Feel her up from behind when she's washing the dishes, this will often work out really well for both of you, but you might have to mop the floor later. YMMV
Regards, GF.

 
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gratus fermentatio View Post
Reverse the direction of the toilet paper & see how long it takes her to notice.
As soon as she walks in... That's a pet peeve of hers.
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Old 09-25-2012, 01:00 PM   #10
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The dutch oven reminded me of one.

When you have to fart in bed, lift one leg up really high first. Then let 'er rip, and let the fart "mature" for a few seconds under the sheets. Then let your leg drop, and the gentle collapse of the bed sheet will push that juicy fart-air right up towards your heads. It's disgusting, but since everyone likes the smell of their own brand, it's only disgusting for one person.

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