So far, one of the major perks of having a woman love me is the very limited consequeces of torturing her. My wife has the patience of a Saint, and I take full advantage of this. Below are a few of my favorite techniques to share. I take no liability for any marriage or relationship, including my own, that might end in their use. HBTer discretion is advised.
* Bring a book to read on the toilet, preferably a large reference volume. Leave this on the bathroom floor.
* Come in from outside with a sweaty head. Bonus points if you have headfunk. Tell her to rub your head for good luck. Once in a while, she'll fall for it.
* Touch the tip of your thumb to your fingertips and bend your elbow back. When she isnt expecting it, strike her sharply with your fingertips and say "cobra strike!" They hate that.
* From the bathroom, shout "Holy crap! Hey babe check this out!"
* Walk around the house in your boxers and black dress socks. I do not know why this bothers the ladies so, but it does. Exploit this.
* Turn any framed photo in the house/apartment upside down. Wait to see if she notices.
* Make pickled eggs. Come out of the kitchen with the jar and proudly present them. This is even better if it is pickled pigs feet.
* Y'know that tea kettle her mom gave her that is shaped like an apple? Consistantly refer to it as the "the tomato kettle" no matter how often she corrects you.
* Blow a loud zerbert on her first thing in the morning, before she wakes up.
* Tell her about a new fetish you have developed. If asks what it is, tell her you want to keep your sex life just like it is now, only thing you want her to wear socks on her hands. Or, tell her you want to be holding a spoon at the time. Try to appear as serious as possible. Eventually one of you will eventually break, but I am really hoping to hear that some poor SWMBO comes to bed with a pair of throwback sweat socks on her hands.
* Wear her underwear on your head for a while. Wait til she gets mad.
These should get you started.