You're going to have to try and bend it back into shape somehow. If you're not handy, find a neighbor or freind that is. I'd make that false bottom my bitch.
Either that or take/send it back.
Keg #1: Brown Bomber Bourbon/Oak Vanilla Porter
Keg #2: The Bollocks ESB
Keg #3 Lawnmower APA
Bottled: Mjolnir Mead, Lazy Daze Hefe.