Flying to and from Detroit- a few rants and a few raves - Home Brew Forums

Register Now!
Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > Flying to and from Detroit- a few rants and a few raves

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-19-2012, 05:27 PM   #1
CreamyGoodness
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
 
CreamyGoodness's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jul 2011
Ossining, NY
Posts: 7,491
Liked 2133 Times on 1409 Posts



I flew in and out of Detroit last week to visit my inlaws in the Alpena area. This means that a) I was closer to Yooper, Revvy and Homer than they are probably comfortable with and b) I used a cut-rate airline to save a couple bucks.

Never, ever again.

Spirit is a bare-bones airline, which means just that. The plane has a couple engines, two wings, and some seats. The flight attendants are there basically just to show you how to use the seat belt, seeing as how there is no complimentary food or beverage service. Unless your carry-on fits a certain dimension and weight, its $45. Got two tiny carry-ons? One of them costs $45. Thank you for flying. Before getting on the plane some little yutz at Laguardia asked to cut in line because they "already called zone 3 and I'm in zone 3 and they called zone 4." Luckily she had found some nice, tired couple from Michigan to ask. A New Yorker would have pointed with their thumb to the back of the line. Ok... line ride over.

On the plane to Detroit we were greeted by a woman who was quite definitely drunk off her ho-hos. This is neither an exaggeration nor libel... she was drunk. After slurring her way through her inquisition of the people sitting in front of us as to whether or not they thought they could open the emergency door in the case of an emergency, she got on the loudspeaker and said... something. I am not sure what. I looked to my wife who at this point is giggling so hard tears are shooting out her eyes.

Once we get in the air our flight attendant corners her captive audience and attempts to shill the Sparit Airlind MasherCard. Her pitch didn't end for literally 11 minutes (I timed it), and it was completely incoherent. So that was nice. We land, the yutz from before asked if she could cut in front of me while I get my bag, but my wife saves her from my wrath. "Just wait, please."

Now we are in Michigan. And its lovely. You Michiganders have great fish, great fishing, and great Polish meats. I have never seen so many bratwursts. I also didn't know there was really such a thing as a "Meat Jerky Outlet". That's simply awesome, Standish! Oh, and halfway through the trip I made one heckova fish chowder. Pretty proud of that.

Lovely visit over we get back to the airport. We get harassed by the TSA (if you work for the TSA congratulations on not being unemployed... I guess). This time, no drunk flight attendants, and I notice that for the first time in the 10 years I have been flying, the flight attendants are attractive. I have no reason to mention this other than to mention attractive flight attendants. Who couldn't get behind that? I'm just going to list some of my observations from here on....

- The ride there took 2 hours, and the ride home took 1 hour and 15 minutes. I am told that this is due to "head winds" and "tail winds". I am not sure what this means, but I am positive dirty jokes are in order.

-360 degrees around us are mothers and fathers with small children. The mom directly across the aisle to our left said her baby was 3 months old. SWEET ONION CHUTNEY he was small! I dont have a rant or a joke for that. How the hell do you take care of something that small and not break it??

- The 9 year old in front of me got up and turned to my wife and I. "Do you live in New York or are you just visiting?" "We live in Queens." "Cooool" He gave us an approving nod and sat back down. A 9 year old thinks we are legit.

- After our coronation into the cool club the attractive flight attendant gets the intercom and begins another 11 minute pitch to get the Spirit Mastercard. sigh. She lilted and mumbled and mentioned we could take the kids to orlando and get a skillion miles the first time we used it if we bought a soda AND a slim jim from the grocery store. The more you know.

- Another dad next to the 9 year old had a little guy in a kangaroo pouch. When the plane stopped and it was time to get up, he stood up and both he and the baby hit their heads on the ceiling. The baby could not possibly have hurt as bad as the dad felt.

At this point we wedge ourselves out of our too-small seats and gingerly head out of the plane, making sure we dont jostle or bump into any moms or holy-crap-tiny children. On the way out a man who doesnt speak English is reunited with his giant hound-dog who stands taller than most of the children (and thus most of the PASSENGERS) that were onboard. The 9 year old wordlessly approaches the stranger dog and wraps his arms around him, while the dog licks his new friend on the forehead. Seriously, I could watch that for hours at a time.


So, to recap.

1) If you work for the TSA, ugh.
2) Dont fly Spirit Airlines
3) Dogs and children together are awesome
and 4) Index-finger Michigan rocks. I'm looking forward to visiting the Meat Jerky Outlet.

sigh. It will pass.
__________________
See, that's where the real story is.
In the competition for the attention of the space aliens.
Everyone's equal in the eyes of God, but the space aliens, you've got to figure they would play favorites.




YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!


 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2012, 06:41 PM   #2
Hammy71
Senior Member
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
 
Hammy71's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Sep 2008
, Maryland, The Tax Me State
Posts: 5,888
Liked 529 Times on 402 Posts


We just got back from a trip from the east coast (BWI) to Yellowstone and Colorado. I have to say the whole air travel thing was definitely the worst part of the trip. I used to enjoy to fly. Now it's just too much of a hassle. Note to the TSA.....We Don't Work At The Friggin Air Port And Know All Of The Bull Si&^ You Take For Granted. There is no way these people could get a job anywhere else except for maybe mall security. I feel ya. I use the train (AMTRAK)here on the east coast for almost everything anymore. So much more easier. Course....to go to Colorado wasn't an option by train.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2012, 07:04 PM   #3
E-Mursed
 
E-Mursed's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2011
Westland, MI
Posts: 881
Liked 112 Times on 65 Posts


Now you can appreciate why I will only drive anywhere I need to go within the contiguous United States.

Glad you enjoyed Detroit. Takes a special breed to live here - let alone vacation here.

Glad you enjoyed your stay.
__________________
Schöne Blondine Brauerei
Closed-System Pressurized Fermentation - the future of homebrewing today...!!!

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” – Leonardo da Vinci
"A set back is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" - Henry Ford

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2012, 01:13 PM   #4
stamandster
Recipes 
 
Jun 2011
springfield, ma
Posts: 790
Liked 54 Times on 45 Posts


Are you sure you're not a writer for "The New Yorkah"?

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2012, 09:15 PM   #5
Pilotpip
Recipes 
 
Oct 2011
St. Louis, MO
Posts: 75

Deal with the TSA just once and you're unhappy? Try dealing with them multiple times a day while at work.

Next time you visit DTW, spend a couple extra dollars and fly Delta. By the time you deal with all the added fee BS at spirit you could have flown Delta and would be much happier.

As for the headwind/tailwind thing. Think of it just like rowing on a river. When you're flying west you're going upstream. East, downstream.
__________________
Warm beer is infinitely colder than no beer at all.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-28-2012, 01:40 PM   #6
dkwolf
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
Recipes 
 
Feb 2012
Sac City, IA
Posts: 951
Liked 370 Times on 221 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pilotpip View Post
As for the headwind/tailwind thing. Think of it just like rowing on a river. When you're flying west you're going upstream. East, downstream.
Except, of course, the scale. At "ground level" a strong headwind might be 30 mph. At 35,000 ft, a strong headwind might be over 150 mph. Makes a biiig difference.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-29-2012, 05:13 PM   #7
Pilotpip
Recipes 
 
Oct 2011
St. Louis, MO
Posts: 75

True. When we started LGA-DFW last year it wasn't uncommon for the flight back from Dallas to take almost 2 hours less. There's a big difference between 700mph over the ground and 300.
__________________
Warm beer is infinitely colder than no beer at all.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-29-2012, 06:39 PM   #8
spacecowboy13
Recipes 
 
May 2012
Santa Maria, CA
Posts: 83
Liked 5 Times on 3 Posts


If you liked index finger Michigan, you'll love pinky finger Michigan even more. Traverse City is about to open its 7th micro-brewery.
__________________
Dark Son Brewing
"Ní bhíonn an rath ach mar a mbíonn an smacht."
(There's no luck without discipline)
Primary: 5W30 Dry Stout, Reverse Cowgirl American Wheat
Secondary: None
Bottled: Smashed Pumpkin Pale Ale, All Rye'ld up RyePA, Atomic Panty Dropper Belgian Strong Ale

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-29-2012, 08:08 PM   #9
motobrewer
I'm no atheist scientist, but...
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
Recipes 
 
Oct 2009
Thiensville, Wisconsin
Posts: 8,245
Liked 492 Times on 381 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by CreamyGoodness View Post
sigh. It will pass.
lol, is this your little sign-off now?

also, the "yutz" is probably apt at flying; they board by zone for a reason. mainly so that everyone's overhead bag is close to wear they are sitting, it expedites the entire boarding and deplaning process.

...which is also why he asked if he could cut again to get his bag....

meals on airplanes have been eliminated for a long time.

TSA sucks, what it is. it's not the agents' fault. it's also not that f-ing difficult.

http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtrav...xperience.shtm

read it. know it. live it.
__________________
Quote:
The man who intoxicates himself on bad whisky is sometimes moved to kill his wife and set his house on fire, but the victim of applejack is capable of blowing up a whole town with dynamite and of reciting original poetry to every surviving inhabitant.

– "A Wicked Beverage," New York Times, April 10, 1894

 
Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Those stupid meaningless rants!!! Laughing_Gnome_Invisible Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 21 10-12-2008 05:55 AM
rants & raves of the week monty73741 Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 13 09-14-2008 03:54 AM
Had a fun Afternoon, Flying Ryanh1801 Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 6 06-21-2008 04:39 AM


Forum Jump