Long vent thread (disclaimer: women problems) - Page 2 - Home Brew Forums

Register Now!
Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > Long vent thread (disclaimer: women problems)

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-06-2012, 03:39 PM   #11
headbanger
Recipes 
 
Apr 2011
The Hill, KY
Posts: 2,841
Liked 767 Times on 477 Posts


Hang in there Bro, it'll work itself out one way or the other.. Sounds like she may just need some time at this point.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 06:33 PM   #12
SharonaZamboni
Senior Member
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
 
SharonaZamboni's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Mar 2012
Palmer, MA
Posts: 9,285
Liked 2019 Times on 1754 Posts


It's perfectly fine to separate for six months or a year. She should use that time to figure out what she needs to make herself happy. No dating for either of you. If after time passes and she's figured herself out, and you both want to see each other again, go ahead.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:01 PM   #13
Barnzy02
Recipes 
 
Aug 2008
Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 596
Liked 25 Times on 17 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by SharonaZamboni View Post
It's perfectly fine to separate for six months or a year. She should use that time to figure out what she needs to make herself happy. No dating for either of you. If after time passes and she's figured herself out, and you both want to see each other again, go ahead.
Thanks, SZ.

I've been working on coming to terms with something like this, it just feels like such a huge step backwards ... I'm having a hard time accepting it, after just making what i thought was the ultimate commitment

I also, have had a negative experience with the same kind of situation, which is why I am having a hard time 'trusting' this idea. Although, i know it's not fair to equate what happened in a previous relationship with this one, it certainly can be difficult though.


She actually just went back to FL for the weekend for a parent/friends visit, comes home tomorrow. It's been good and bad to have so much time to myself, hah.


Again, i appreciate the comments. It's nice to get a little perspective, while still trying to find the right frame of mind.
__________________
Primary - Amber Alert IPA
Primary - Mild
Primary - empty

Keg - PennsPorter - Vanilla Porter
Keg - Rye Pale Ale



Pennsport Brewing

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:09 PM   #14
Yooper
Ale's What Cures You!
HBT_ADMIN.png
 
Yooper's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jun 2006
UP of Michigan, Winter Texan
Posts: 69,226
Liked 7721 Times on 5424 Posts


It's tough, that's for sure.

The thing is, if she is depressed and unhappy you can't help her through it. It goes to who she is, and what she wants. She needs therapy, and possibly medication. When she has a better understanding of herself and her needs, then she'll be reading for a relationship.

Many women I know have gone through similar things early in the lives. What happens is being unhappy with yourself makes you look outside yourself for ways to be happy- like in a relationship, affair, drinking, etc. But that never works until you fix what's wrong with yourself first.

If she's texting her ex, it's because she still has needs (that "nostalgia") that aren't being met. It's truly not about YOU- it is about her, and that's important to realize. You could be Brad Pitt, or Superman, and it wouldn't work. Getting married now would be a huge mistake for her, and not because of your relationship with her- she shouldn't be in a relationship with anybody until she can make herself comfortable in her own skin.
__________________
Broken Leg Brewery
Giving beer a leg to stand on since 2006

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:19 PM   #15
TyTanium
Recipes 
 
Nov 2011
Posts: 3,952
Liked 553 Times on 389 Posts


I'll offer a somewhat dissenting opinion here.

Why would you want her to "figure out who she is" apart from you? If the plan is to be married, the "who she is" apart from you has no meaning after your wedding day. If you're gonna marry someone, figure out who you are together.

Now, I'm not saying go get married today. There are some things better worked out before marriage. I'm just not convinced running is the answer...everyone has junk to work through. So just give it some time.

"I love you, I'm with you, let's work through this together." And some premarital counseling is highly recommended. Most churches offer it for free

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:36 PM   #16
Brulosopher
Recipes 
 
Jun 2011
Fresno, CA
Posts: 2,932
Liked 357 Times on 261 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Barnzy02
I 'was' happy, it's just these last two months have been awful. I went through a similar experience in previous serious relationship to this one, this girl pretty much restored my faith in a lot of things and for the first time in my life i was accepting of the idea of 'settling down' getting married, and even having kids. I find myself in a very pernicious state of mind. Do i give up on the girl that made me feel complete, JUST because she's unhappy, that seems EXTREMELY selfish of me ?

My brain does say run based on some of the things that have happened, but my heart says be there for her. What kind of person asks someone to marry them, then runs once things get hard ?
I wonder what exactly it is you find so appealing about these types of gals? It will be tough to find anything different until you do some soul searching yourself, pal. I wish you all the best!

On another note... I literally just left Philly, heading back to Fresno, CA (using the airplane's WiFi, actually). Damn, the weather there is horrendous!! Cheers
__________________
Brulosophy is a place to experiment with home brews. If you've had a crazy idea or wondered how something worked please visit us at Brulosophy.com!

List of exBEERiments

How To Easily Harvest Clean Yeast from Starters

Make Good Lager in Less Time!

Marshall "Brulosopher" Schott

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:40 PM   #17
Barnzy02
Recipes 
 
Aug 2008
Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 596
Liked 25 Times on 17 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Yooper View Post
It's tough, that's for sure.

The thing is, if she is depressed and unhappy you can't help her through it. It goes to who she is, and what she wants. She needs therapy, and possibly medication. When she has a better understanding of herself and her needs, then she'll be reading for a relationship.

Many women I know have gone through similar things early in the lives. What happens is being unhappy with yourself makes you look outside yourself for ways to be happy- like in a relationship, affair, drinking, etc. But that never works until you fix what's wrong with yourself first.

If she's texting her ex, it's because she still has needs (that "nostalgia") that aren't being met. It's truly not about YOU- it is about her, and that's important to realize. You could be Brad Pitt, or Superman, and it wouldn't work. Getting married now would be a huge mistake for her, and not because of your relationship with her- she shouldn't be in a relationship with anybody until she can make herself comfortable in her own skin.
Thanks Yoop, from everything i read ... that's pretty much what i've gathered.

I guess it's just hard on me, in the sense, that i know this isn't 'about' me...but what about me!!!

It just sucks being the one that's left out to dry in all of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TyTanium
I'll offer a somewhat dissenting opinion here.

Why would you want her to "figure out who she is" apart from you? If the plan is to be married, the "who she is" apart from you has no meaning after your wedding day. If you're gonna marry someone, figure out who you are together.

Now, I'm not saying go get married today. There are some things better worked out before marriage. I'm just not convinced running is the answer...everyone has junk to work through. So just give it some time.

"I love you, I'm with you, let's work through this together." And some premarital counseling is highly recommended. Most churches offer it for free
Dissent all you'd like, i don't mind.

From what she's told me, it's not being apart from me ... it's being apart from anyone ? She seemingly has gone from relationship (bad) to relationship (bad) to relationship (me ... good ?) ... but has never been on her own, and hasn't had her own anything. I really, i don't know. hah.

Honestly, i don't know. The hardest part of this for me, is how adamant she was about getting engaged and such BEFORE. I feel like i put a lot on the line, and am sorta getting sand thrown in my face now.


Today started off like crap, but i'm feeling pretty good now. I'm just trying to find ways to stay positive. Thanks all.
__________________
Primary - Amber Alert IPA
Primary - Mild
Primary - empty

Keg - PennsPorter - Vanilla Porter
Keg - Rye Pale Ale



Pennsport Brewing

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:42 PM   #18
the_bird
10th-Level Beer Nerd
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
the_bird's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2006
Adams, MA
Posts: 20,883
Liked 523 Times on 420 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by TyTanium View Post
I'll offer a somewhat dissenting opinion here.

Why would you want her to "figure out who she is" apart from you? If the plan is to be married, the "who she is" apart from you has no meaning after your wedding day. If you're gonna marry someone, figure out who you are together.

I'm going to (respectfully) disagree with this 100%. Not having your own sense of identity, your own sense of self, strikes me as being fundamentally unhealthy. There's stuff that makes me tick that my wife doesn't understand, and that's fine. There's stuff that makes my wife tick that I don't understand, and that's fine, too. I believe we have a very healthy relationship in no small part because our own happiness isn't completely dependent on the relationship itself.
__________________
Come join Yankee Ingenuity!

"I'm kind of toasted. But I looked at my watch and it's only 6:30 so I can't stop drinking yet." - Yooper's Bob
"Brown eye finally recovered after the abuse it endured in Ptown last weekend, but it took almost a full week." - Paulie
"no, he just doesn't speak 'stupid'. i, however, am fluent...." - motobrewer
"... I'll go both ways." - Melana

kenstogie Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:43 PM   #19
Barnzy02
Recipes 
 
Aug 2008
Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 596
Liked 25 Times on 17 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Brulosopher View Post
I wonder what exactly it is you find so appealing about these types of gals? It will be tough to find anything different until you do some soul searching yourself, pal. I wish you all the best!

On another note... I literally just left Philly, heading back to Fresno, CA (using the airplane's WiFi, actually). Damn, the weather there is horrendous!! Cheers
Thanks, and at this point, that's all i can do. Long weekend alone, led to lots of reflection. Some good, some bad. Hopefully brighter days ahead.

In the end, i know one thing, that i want her to be happy ... whether it is with me or without me. I know which one i'd prefer!, but i don't have much control over that.

and yes, the weather in Philly has been AWFUL. Suffocating heat and humidity, then 2 hours of non stop rain that just makes it more hot and humid.
__________________
Primary - Amber Alert IPA
Primary - Mild
Primary - empty

Keg - PennsPorter - Vanilla Porter
Keg - Rye Pale Ale



Pennsport Brewing

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2012, 07:44 PM   #20
Brulosopher
Recipes 
 
Jun 2011
Fresno, CA
Posts: 2,932
Liked 357 Times on 261 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by Barnzy02
Today started off like crap, but i'm feeling pretty good now. I'm just trying to find ways to stay positive. Thanks all.
Uhh... homebrew recently?
__________________
Brulosophy is a place to experiment with home brews. If you've had a crazy idea or wondered how something worked please visit us at Brulosophy.com!

List of exBEERiments

How To Easily Harvest Clean Yeast from Starters

Make Good Lager in Less Time!

Marshall "Brulosopher" Schott

 
Reply With Quote


Reply
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
one day (vent) bengerman Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 9 01-30-2012 03:11 AM
The Best Thread Ever: Sobieski Vodka, Watches, Rifles and Hot Women jkpq45 Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 10 02-11-2011 02:14 PM
I need to vent......and drink frankjconway Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 8 04-06-2010 10:12 PM
need to vent fing people monty73741 Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 3 12-03-2008 01:49 AM
Money Vent MULE Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 16 06-04-2008 01:25 PM


Forum Jump