I love puns!

She was a homely whiskey maker, but I loved her still.

A guy sent a list of ten puns to his friends and asked them to tell him which of the ten puns made them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Nerdy puns:

Wanna hear a sodium joke?
Na.
How about a potassium joke?
K.
I made up a uranium joke just for U!

Why did the wolf jam a whole duck up his nose?

Its sad really, he fell into the trap of snorting quack.

"Look at that S car go!"

When chemists die, they barium.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
Dam.

True story: I knew a girl a few years ago by the name of L. White. Her best friend was M. Wong. I referred to them as White & Wong.

Pearls Before Swine - good for a few puns a week!

...what is this?

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?



Cuz then they would be bagels.

MoreHops said:

True story: I knew a girl a few years ago by the name of L. White. Her best friend was M. Wong. I referred to them as White & Wong.

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A friend told me his dorm had roommates named Juan and Thu (pronounced like Two.)

Very good friends of our family named their dog Shanda ... their last name was Lehr (pronounced leer). I guess it's a good thing they never had a daughter!

I can honestly say I have ever known two Scotsmen by the names of Ben Dover and Phil McCavity

Laughing_Gnome_Invisible said:

I can honestly say I have ever known two Scotsmen by the names of Ben Dover and Phil McCavity

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How about Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick?

This reminds me of the staff at Car Talk Plaza:

Our Swedish bicycle tester is Soren deKiester
Our teenage daughter liaison is Sasha Payne Diaz
Our Russian chauffeur is Pikup Andropov
Our hygiene expert from the Tokyo office is O. Takashowa
Our food tester is Howard M. Burgers
Our provider of guaranteed repeat business is Lucinda Bolts
The head of our working mothers' support group is Erasmus B. Draggin.

and on and on for about 700 more.

and old one ...

Here's a favorite that sounds ignorant until the punchline.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

LabRatBrewer said:

...what is this?

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A Dandy Lion.

Couple who's last name is Buggi (pronounced buggy). Named their son Orsen.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Did you hear about the race between two silk worms?
They ended up in a tie.

.

What did Bender say about Kegbot 5000?

"I'd tap that"

i guy i used to work with kept borrowing a tool from my friend until on day he asks "this is a great tool where did you get it?"
my friend replies " dude ive had that tool sooo long i couldnt even tell ya!"
the guy replies "you can tell me!" he was dead serious!
we laughed so hard!

JonM said:

A guy sent a list of ten puns to his friends and asked them to tell him which of the ten puns made them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Nerdy puns:

Wanna hear a sodium joke?
Na.
How about a potassium joke?
K.
I made up a uranium joke just for U!

Click to expand...

Two guys walk into a bar
First guy - I'll have some H2O
Second guy - I'll have some H2O too
Second guy died

All the good chemistry jokes argon.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never
met herbivore.

When I was reenacting I noticed that 99% of the Union side had belt buckles with a simple US stamped on it. I couldnt figure out a way to do it cheaply, but I wanted to make a buckle that said "THEM" on it, and see if anyone would notice.

Here are a few from the pun folder on my computer...

.

another:

LabRatBrewer said:

another:

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NICE! Took me a few moments to get it...

Wow, while I was typing a sarcastic post of how that last one didnt makes sense it came to me.

Homercidal said:

NICE! Took me a few moments to get it...

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Took me a minute too.

A woman had a bit of a fling with a Koala. She noticed, though, that when they'd become intimate that he would give her oral sex, then immediately get up and go home. She found this odd, so one day she looked up "Koala" in the dictionary:

Furry creature that eats bushes and leaves.

CreamyGoodness said:

When I was reenacting I noticed that 99% of the Union side had belt buckles with a simple US stamped on it. I couldnt figure out a way to do it cheaply, but I wanted to make a buckle that said "THEM" on it, and see if anyone would notice.

Click to expand...

This would be for the Rebs...

LabRatBrewer said:

another:

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I surrender. I can't figure it out.

JonM said:

I surrender. I can't figure it out.

Click to expand...

Hint: QPwC

I couldn't figure it out looking at it on my iPhone. Once I looked inthe computer and could see the image better I got it.

Good one!

tre9er said:

Hint: QPwC

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AhhhhhhHahahaha! NOW I get it! Thanks!

Okay, more stolen Car Talk staff puns.

Our ornithology intern is Luke A. Boyd
Our Jackie Gleason impersonator from the Dubai office is Mohammed Ahamena Hamena
Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste
Our windshield wiper replacement team is Ike and Zeke Learly
Our self esteem coach is Lois Steem
Our staff tailor is Euripides Imenades
Our restroom attendants are Trudy Door and Donna Hall
And our videographer from the Tel Aviv office is Schlomo Replay.