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Old 07-10-2012, 01:07 PM   #1
CreamyGoodness
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By means of disclaimer, I want to point out that while I am exaggerating somewhat below... I'm not exaggerating a whole heck of a lot. Some of the ridiculous stuff below has actually happened without embellishment. Until SWMBO stops sending me there instead of the delicious European deli a block away, I will gather more instances of why Subway is a menace.

Ordering a sandwich at Subway is kind of annoying. My usual order, tuna on wheat with extra pickles for SWMBO and steak and cheese on "Italian" (they play rather fast and loose with the definition for Italian there) is usually not too difficult to get through.

This is not to say it is without peril. There is usually a cheese disconnect. They ask what cheese on the steak and cheese (I refuse to call anything toasted in a large microwave a "cheesesteak") and I say provolone. They make a face and ask "this one?" I say "no that one" and I point. Usually they get this on the second try, but sometimes its the third. We've lost a minute and a half, and honestly, thats not so bad.

They then ask what cheese on the tuna. I say "no cheese on the tuna please." They look at me as if I am wearing a NAMBLA T-Shirt and have just slapped a toddler. For some reason, the 30th Avenue Subway will NOT abide cheeseless tuna. I've learned to live with it. These are the same guys every time, mind you, so I have this same conversation bi-weekly or monthly.

I'm going to pause here and suggest that those visiting the Subway shop on 30th Avenue in beautiful, vibrant Astoria select their beverages from the soda fountain and ask no questions about bottled beverages. If you want something CRAZY like, say, Orangina, inquiring after it will cause all 3 gentlemen behind the counter to huddle. They will speak quickly and with growing concern for about 5 minutes in a mystery language before coming back to you and asking "do you mean chips?" That actually happened, by the way.

Ok, back to sandwiches. Notice I have chosen two sandwiches that require little or no vegetable matter? This is because I once ordered the BMT (a series of letters that seem to mean nothing, though I usually think "bowel movement taco" and chortle like a 9 year old) and it was absolute hell. Never again. The sandwich technicians at Subway are overloaded with possible vegetable permutations and clam up if you ask for more than 2. Lettuce is usually safe but sweet peppers? Forget it. They take their examination-gloved hand and make a small circle over the case and you have to tell them to stop. For nostalgia's sake I like to shout "OK BIG BUCKS NO WHAMMIES NO WHAMMIES AND... STOP!" Worst comes to worst I wind up with red onion. But a sandwich like the BMT is sort of a maxi to tuna's mini. It just screams for all sorts of sauces and vegetables. I tried to helpfully say "all the veggies except for red onion" but it was no use. "Cucumbers?" "sigh... yes please" "olives?" "yes please... all the veggies except for red onion" "...pickles?"

By the time I got my sandwich that day I went into hypoglycemic shock... and there was red onions on it. I now avoid the veggies like the plague.

I know what you are thinking... Creamy, just bring your order written down! I thought about doing this as well, until I saw a guy who had the same idea. They took his outlined sandwich order, read it, and asked "cucumbers?..." So yeah, I dont think I will succeed where others have failed.

Lastly, something new. Avocado. I love avocado. Subway has forsaken its wives and children in favor of its one and only true love... avocado. They are pushing the stuff like the knockoff handbag dealers on Canal street (those of you not familiar, picture the open air market in an Indiana Jones movie). They ask you at least twice if you want their pre-packaged avocado on any and all sandwiches you order, even if avocado has absolutely no business being on that sandwich.

Yesterday's sandwiches? "Albuquerque Turkey" for SWMBO since they were out of tuna on wheat, and steak and cheese with provolone... yes, THAT one... on "italian". Somehow they both wound up with avocado. Also, SWMBO hated her sandwich, and wound up eating mine.

sigh... it will pass.
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Old 07-10-2012, 03:31 PM   #2
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I was starting to wonder where creamy went. I figured after you got married your wife wouldn't let you out of your cage but now I see she has you running to subway at least.

I don't really mind subway except that it takes 3 of their sandwiches to fill me up... A new sandwich shop (Potbelly) just opened up around here that is much more competent and delicious.
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Old 07-10-2012, 03:55 PM   #3
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If you live in the Northeast, and have access to a local deli, but still choose to eat Subway instead... Sorry but you're probably going to burn in hell.


So lets see the rack of this she devil, must be well worth this repeated trouble
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:03 PM   #4
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What.. no mention of road-rage on the way to Subway?

Order without pants, it is subway after all.

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:12 PM   #5
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Yeah, Subway is fun like that. I stop by there if I am at home working on the house or brewing and need something quick and fast. There are about 4 Subways within 3 miles of my house.

Here are some other fun things about Subway...

I like a little mayo and a little mustard on my sandwich, especially if the meat is leaner. "A little mayo" seems to mean drench the sandwich. A little mustard? No, it will be dripping all over your house when you eat it. But, if you ask for extra banana peppers, you will get two.

Last time I went, I ordered a BMT on herb bread (or whatever) and got turkey on wheat. I still haven't figured that out.

They always ask what you want as far as veggies, and I too only like to go one at a time. But they keep asking. Me: "Tomato" Them (as they are arranging the tomato): "What else?" Me: "Lettuce." Them (after they finish arranging the tomato): "What else?" If you try not to be pedantic and not say lettuce again, you will not get lettuce.

Once I was there and was choosing my toppings and they started putting black olives on the sandwich. I hate black olives. I had to stop them. The woman looked at me like I had killed her dog and dumped the entire sandwich in the trash. Started a new one, and gave me attitude about what I wanted on it. I told her she could have just picked them off instead of throwing away the sandwich...that did not help the situation.

It is always an adventure there, that is for sure.

EDIT: Oh, and my favorite (this is not really Subway specifc) is when the person making your sandwich asks you what you want and as soon as you start to answer he/she turns and starts talking to his/her co-worker. Then, he/she turns back and asks you again. Three times in a row. If I wasn't so hungry I would have probably just left.

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:17 PM   #6
zman
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With all of the Awesome food in NYC what the hell are you doing eating at Subway!! Even Astoria has good Deli's /Bagel Shops. It has been many years since my SJP days but there is/was a pretty pretty good bagel shop off of Ditmars Blvd.
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:20 PM   #7
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Eating at Subway proves he must be a closet BMC fan.

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:21 PM   #8
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Par for the course. I'll put up with it for the price.

Try ordering something on untoasted flatbread. Every single person in the line comments on it, every time. "You SURE you don't want this toasted?...it's cold"

Yes, I'm sure.

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:21 PM   #9
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Uh, I guess Subway is better out here on the left coast. I don't think I've ever heard of so many problems. The only issue I ever run in to is when I tell them I want lite mayo and then have to quickly explain I want the lower fat mayonnaise, not a light serving of regular mayonnaise.
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zman View Post
With all of the Awesome food in NYC what the hell are you doing eating at Subway!! Even Astoria has good Deli's /Bagel Shops. It has been many years since my SJP days but there is/was a pretty pretty good bagel shop off of Ditmars Blvd.
For reasons I am yet to understand, my wife likes a subway sandwich. I let it happen every so often, but for the most part I stick to my guns and insist we get something good.
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See, that's where the real story is.
In the competition for the attention of the space aliens.
Everyone's equal in the eyes of God, but the space aliens, you've got to figure they would play favorites.




YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!


 
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