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Old 05-22-2012, 04:22 PM   #21
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Boy, sure sounds like it. Gotta be weird living with a non-spouse.
**** that. You're committed (and compatible) or you aren't, regardless of whether you're married.


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Old 05-22-2012, 04:25 PM   #22
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My SWMBO does the same thing, and it's 'her' house too. But she remembers where everything is -- and when I ask, she retrieves. Should she get hit by a train, I'd be up **** creek


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Old 05-22-2012, 04:26 PM   #23
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**** that. You're committed (and compatible) or you aren't, regardless of whether you're married.
Easy there, tiger. I know folks whose first ROOMMATE outside of their parents was their spouse, maybe this is the case with Ty, I dont know. Also, say what you will about marriage and whether or not it is worth it or if it is any different, the court system in the United States makes it a lot less unpleasant to step away from a live-in sig other than it does leaving a spouse.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:27 PM   #24
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I do communicate with her. I think the phrase uttered most often in our house is "Honey, have you seen my...?"
No offense intended, my friend, but that's not communication: that's just a question. I'm very frustrated when I have repeat situations where people don't learn when I expect them to, but that's life. Sometimes you just have to be pointed. Tell her that you don't care for it when she does these things and you would like her to stop moving your stuff. Communal things like saran wrap are going to be a bigger battle since that's clearly not just your stuff that she's moving.

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Her stuff stays hidden. Sorry, but this has got to stop. And right now, this is the only thing I can think of that will make her realize how irritating it is to have someone move your stuff. Right now, her book is the refrigerator, her favorite drink mix in a random drawer, her secret candy stash in the bottom drawer of her dresser and her cell phone is on the top shelf, where the cereal used to be.

If she put things in the same place, great. But it's always some random drawer or shelf that she has never placed anything on before. And she never bothers to tell me. I told her this morning, if she is going to touch anything of mine, please throw it in a pile in the backyard.

Things seem to be going downhill.
Again, no offense intended, but that sort of behavior just makes the situation worse. You're being passive aggressive instead of just confronting the root problem. If you're smart, you'll unhide her stuff before she goes looking for it.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:31 PM   #25
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Also, say what you will about marriage and whether or not it is worth it or if it is any different, the court system in the United States makes it a lot less unpleasant to step away from a live-in sig other than it does leaving a spouse.


.... which is why it's so much smarter (IMO) to move in with your committed partner before getting married. Not speaking ill of marriage at all, but sure seems foolish to make a lifetime commitment to someone before you know if you really work together.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:37 PM   #26
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+1 to unhiding the stuff. She won't find her book in the fridge and then have a "Eureka!" moment where she realizes that she should stop misplacing your stuff. You're going to have to talk to her about this regardless of whether her stuff is hidden.

So you can have that talk with her pissed about you hiding her stuff, or not pissed. I'd unhide the stuff.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:43 PM   #27
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Not speaking ill of marriage at all, but sure seems foolish to make a lifetime commitment to someone before you know if you really work together.
Any time two humans live together, there will be periods of not working well together.

Scenario:
Live together before to find out if you work well together. We do. Great! Let's get married. Things get tough. Dang, guess we were wrong, we don't really work well together. What happens then?

Commitment is not contingent on compatibility, IMO.

Sorry for the OT.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:44 PM   #28
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.... which is why it's so much smarter (IMO) to move in with your committed partner before getting married. Not speaking ill of marriage at all, but sure seems foolish to make a lifetime commitment to someone before you know if you really work together.
Agreed completely. From the sounds of it, though, Ty's situation has worked out in a way he is happy about, so he was just sharing his experience. It sounded to me like you thought he was preaching, and knowing him a little from his posts, I wanted to point out that I didnt think he was. For the record, I personally have been living with SWMBO for 3+ years and I'm marrying her next week...

Now that I'm done breathing into a paper bag...

OP, you are in for a world of hurt if you hide her stuff in retribution. It doesnt sound to me like you have a very stable relationship foundation that would allow for things like this. She hears you when you say "I dont like that you do X with my things" and she gets instantly defensive and accusatory. Whats going to happen is she is going to see your little lesson as an attack on her personally, and you are going to wind up on a friend's couch. Trust me, I've screwed up enough relationships to feel as if I am an authority when I say this.
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When I die, I don't need a fancy pine box;
throw my body in the Buick, tune the radio to classic rock. ~Grand Buffet



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Old 05-22-2012, 04:46 PM   #29
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No offense intended, my friend, but that's not communication: that's just a question. I'm very frustrated when I have repeat situations where people don't learn when I expect them to, but that's life. Sometimes you just have to be pointed. Tell her that you don't care for it when she does these things and you would like her to stop moving your stuff. Communal things like saran wrap are going to be a bigger battle since that's clearly not just your stuff that she's moving.



Again, no offense intended, but that sort of behavior just makes the situation worse. You're being passive aggressive instead of just confronting the root problem. If you're smart, you'll unhide her stuff before she goes looking for it.
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+1 to unhiding the stuff. She won't find her book in the fridge and then have a "Eureka!" moment where she realizes that she should stop misplacing your stuff. You're going to have to talk to her about this regardless of whether her stuff is hidden.

So you can have that talk with her pissed about you hiding her stuff, or not pissed. I'd unhide the stuff.

I disagree. Regarding communication , this is a daily event. I can't tell you how many times I have stated the fact that "I really wish you wouldn't just randomly assign new homes to things. Or if you do, please tell me."

I hid her dumbells in the freezer a couple of weeks ago. She knew exactly why and we discussed it. I stated that I felt she was hiding my **** for no reason and I was going to return the favor. If she is doing this to teach me a lesson about being a slob, then tell me. Otherwise, please think before you do this.

Now she can have a little reminder as to how irritating it is to search constantly for something you didn't lose. Like I said, this is a daily issue. One that she will never admit fault to even when it is pointed out that she moved something and didn't tell me (Saran wrap was my fault because I should have just known.)

Her stuff stays hidden until she acknowledges what she is doing is wrong or she stops doing it.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:46 PM   #30
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Thanks Creamy - not preaching, just sharing wisdom I've received from people who've had long, successful marriages. Not trying to start arguments, just trying to help think through implications.


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