Another data dump of mindless Monday drivel. I'm trying to keep my mind off the heinous head-cold I have.
Here are a few ways to mess with people that dont involve startling them or causing them physical or emotional pain.
- Get on the highway in New Jersey and get to a point where the toll booths get pretty closely placed. At the first toll booth you go through, pay for the car that comes after you. Don't worry, it'll be cheap. You now have a companion who will follow you for miles trying to figure out how you know him.
- Introduce your young son to people as "Mohandas"
- Order a pizza and ask if you can get two of the little plastic tables in the box instead of one.
- Shave your eyebrows off. This one takes some dedication but it could be worth it if your office is otherwise droll. Coworkers will squint, knowing that something is amiss but quite sure what it is.
- Excitedly ask your kids if you can borrow their Justin Bieber "cassette." The idea here is to make them think YOU think it is "cool." If you do this right, going forward, they will hate Justin Bieber.
- Ask a buddy if you can borrow a dollar. If they agree, take the dollar and say "thanks, Ill give it right back to you". Come back 10 minutes later, and give them back the same dollar. Extra effective if the dollar had a noticable rip or identifying mark upon it. (This one actually happened to me, still no clue what happened...)
- Convince your wife you fantasize about her in carhart overalls and hip waders. If she comes to bed dressed in them, Congrats! Your wife is a sweetheart and you are an asshole.
- Wash out a mayo jar extremely well. Fill with vanilla pudding. Eat with a spoon at the office (SWMBO is another valid target/victim).
- This one is more effective in semi-urban to urban areas, but will work in the country as well. In the kitchen, leave out a crust of bread with a few peppercorns next to it. Less is more. If SWMBO takes the bait she will chastise you for bringing mice into the kitchen, and point out the "droppings". At this time, take one of the peppercorns and pop it into your mouth.
*Warning* this is the one and only time my fiance has ever hit me.
- Order delivery online and in the special requests box add something moronic like "can I get 10 budweiser bottle caps?" or "can the delivery guy sing happy birthday". "Please draw a picture on the box" works too but its been done to death. If your request is fulfilled (and sometimes, believe it or not, it will be trust me) tip well. You are trying to be an idiot, not an asshole.
I think thats enough to get you started. Enjoy.