Look up welders and fabricators in the phone book or google. There should be about a dozen within a 15-20 raduis minutes of you. Go to the one that sounds most like a "mom and pop" type place.
Drop by during business hours with the keg and casually ask the first guy you see if they'll cut the top for you. This is what I did, and a guy cut mine with a plasma cutter in about 5 minutes. I offered to pay, but they refused. I slipped him $15.00 and told him to get a decent dinner.
Primary #1 - Midnight Ryeder (Midnight Wheat and Rye)
Primary #2 - Florida Weiss
Primary #3 - EMPTY!
Secondary #1 - Downtown Flanders Brown (brewed August 2012)
Keg #1 - Pina Colada Florida Weiss (smoked Pineapple and Coconut Berliner)
Keg #2 - Cinnamon Raisin Cider
Keg #3 - NONE!
Bottled - NONE!