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Old 01-27-2012, 11:02 PM   #1
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Default *sigh* Divorce advice please?


3 kids 4, 7, 9 g,g,b.

I am sure I am ass in some ways, but I don't abuse my kids.

Last 4 months, SWIECDWO (SW I evidently CAN do w/out) Has contacted child protective services twice.

First time I bumped into my 4 year old as he sat on a stool and he fell off. Not even a bruise.

Second time, same rambunctious 4 year old leaps onto me as I sit on the floor (literally a flying leap) he loses his grip on my neck and bumps his head on the coffee table. Some tears, a bruise, but I did NOT do anything that time. Sorry I wasn't Superman and catch him out of midair before I even know what is happening.

Long story......somewhat shorter, Cop showed up Saturday as I am making eggs just the way she likes them.

Total shock.

I have to leave the house with what I can gather in a shocked 10 minutes.

NO Contact. (epo is this little thing that probably saves lives in some situations, but is a guaranteed life screwer in my case)

Court today, SWhatever won't even look at me. Her attorney says divorce and that I can't even see my kids without supervision.

My attorney says take it.


Anyone been through this

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Old 01-27-2012, 11:07 PM   #2
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I got no advice, but I wish you all the luck in the world getting this taken care of. If it were me, I'd be looking at a different attorney who at least wants to fight for you.

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Old 01-27-2012, 11:13 PM   #3
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Sounds to me like you need another attorney. One that won't roll over on you.
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:18 PM   #4
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Sorry to hear. Hope it all comes out in the wash.
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:22 PM   #5
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While I can feel your pain and confusion, please be aware that in any incident or relationship there are multiple sides to the story. You have shared with us your view and it appears to me you have been misunderstood. However, your wife has an equally valid (I don't say correct) point of view with her story. Someone else watching all this would have yet another take. My suggestion is to take some time and reflect on your wife's take on all this. Try to see it all from her eyes. I am not saying she is "right" nor am I saying you are. That is not the issue. think about it. If you can understand and see things from her point, then you may be better equipped to deal with the greater issue of remaining a father to your children.
Tough to give advice online. But try another lawyer, and see a counselor as well.
PM if you need more. In real life, I deal with these issues as a minister.
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:40 PM   #6
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My best advice to you would be to do a search for an attorney in your area that specializes in father's rights and spare no expense to make sure that you are part of your children's life through this terrible time, and then beyond into the future. This can be a long, slow process and your kids need to know it's not their fault that their mommy and daddy are getting divorced. Try and be civil with your wife through this, as much as it depends on you. Then remember that after the divorce is finalized that your wife is no longer your wife, but rather, the mother of your children. Not being able to let go will only cause stress and strife for every one.

The next best piece of advice I can give you is to NEVER say anything about this here or on any other public forum again, as every word you type can be used against you in court. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's the truth. My best to you and yours through this very difficult time. Keep your head up and you'll come out on the other side just fine. God Bless!
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:16 AM   #7
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Both of the responses above are valid. Sit still and watch, but add no other info.

I deal with Child Protective Services everyday. They HATE this Sh!t. They don't like anything bogus...they've got too many methhead parents to deal with as it is.

DO THIS: Offer to do anything that they suggest...WITHOUT admitting wrongdoing. Show that you are willing to take any resources that they can offer to make you a better parent. Do anger managment if they say to. Do parenting classes if they say to. Not a big deal and you might learn stuff. DON'T be defensive and fight every step.

Tell them that you are willing to do whatever will make you a better Dad. Nobody's perfect. Be open and willing to learn, but WITHOUT admitting wrongdoing. That works well, I assure you.

Focus on your relationship with the kids and separate your grief about the spouse COMPLETLY. It is gone. You will have grief. Put it in a box and deal with it in segments, with a therapist. Say nothing about your soon-to-be ex to your kiddos. They don't need it and won't understand it.

CPS does NOT want to take your kids or really even be involved. Give them every reason to get the case closed. They've got FAR too much real stuff to deal with (see methhead parents referenced above).
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:21 AM   #8
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Sorry Man. You'll be in my prayers.
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:59 AM   #9
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I have a close friend that recently was charged with a pretty serious crime, the kind that can get you multiple years in prison. He didn't have much of a case, so he took a plea deal. His sentencing hearing is actually next month and he will be going to jail. The recommended sentence is 3-5 years. In the time between his plea deal and the sentencing, he has been doing everything the court has asked of him in an effort to hopefully be sentenced to the lesser amount. This includes taking a polygraph. Not to prove his innocence(as I said, he admitted his guilt), but instead to show that he had not had any other previous incidents of the same nature. The point was to show that he made a one time mistake. I would definitely suggest getting a lawyer who will fight for you, and suggest to him/her that maybe you can take a polygraph to show that you have never been abusive to your children. I'm not sure if criminal court and family court work the same way in this regard, but it's worth a shot.
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:13 AM   #10
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Tough situation man, I don't see what it has to do with iron maiden though. Good luck through all this. Looks like a few good suggestions already.

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