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Old 05-11-2007, 09:17 PM   #1
Orpheus
 
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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:20 PM   #2
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That's pretty funny
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:33 PM   #3
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That is my dog and cat to a tee. Except the cat actually did manage to trip me down the stairs on morning.
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Old 05-11-2007, 10:59 PM   #4
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I find it very difficult to believe a cat would bother to maintain a diary, too much like work.
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:24 AM   #5
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This is why I wish that I could shoot my neibors cat. but he is a cop and I am sure that his wife would be a little upset about it. so to keep from ending up in jail i live with it for now.

does anyone know how to keep a cat out of a flower garden?
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:41 AM   #6
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anti-freeze
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Old 05-12-2007, 06:05 AM   #7
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It seems so obvious now... why else, out of everywhere to puke, did my cat puke on my bed? Out of spite and contempt!! And to think, I rescued the little ingrate from a dumpster...
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Old 05-12-2007, 11:41 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by olllllo
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Old 05-12-2007, 12:49 PM   #9
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As a pet owner, I laughed out loud at this. Thanks!
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