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Brett Favre’s Surgeon Breaks 10 Scalpels Trying to Pierce His Iron Exterior
Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre underwent surgery on Monday to remove bone spurs on his left ankle, but the procedure took eight hours longer than expected due to the surgeon repeatedly breaking his scalpel trying to cut into Favre’s iron exterior.
“The man – if he even is a man, and not some kind of robot or superhuman from the future – is built like no one else I’ve seen,” said Dr. Frank Matthews, the surgeon who did the procedure. “It was like trying to cut through a diamond coated in stainless steel. After I broke all of my scalpels, I had to call in a guy with a metal saw. And even he wore out five blades before he could break through.”
Dr. Matthews said that what he found the most remarkable at the procedure, though, was that Favre was awake throughout the entire thing.
“The nurses tried to give him anesthesia, but he refused and said he doesn’t feel pain because pain is for wimps,” said Dr. Matthews. “And he clearly didn’t feel pain. Even when we were going at him with the metal saw, he didn’t wince. Not once. He just sat there shaving his face with an 8-inch buck knife. And then, when he was done that, he had an alligator delivered so he could wrestle with it to pass the time. Once he got bored with that, he broke its neck with one hand and then ate a snack of nails and glass shards. So, yeah, I’m pretty sure that Brett Favre does not feel pain. That, or he’s addicted again to painkillers. Regardless, he’s amazing and more of a man than I’ll ever be. Or that any of us will ever be.”
Even though the surgery was difficult, Dr. Matthews says conducting it was an honor.
“It was great just to be close to Brett Favre for that long. He’s a true hero,” said Dr. Matthews. “Plus, it will be great for my career. I can’t wait to get this published. I’m sure I’m the only surgeon in history to close an incision with a spot welder.”