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Old 02-23-2011, 11:33 PM   #41
malkore
 
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Update: she promised me sexy time if I fix her mom's computer tonight (malware infection), and we're going to to dinner to discuss and reach an understanding (if not an agreement) on the whole issue.

Also I failed to mention this: I'm an only child. Take that how you will, but those of us without siblings definitely have a different slant on things (call it selfishness, or being used to the attention we got as a kid...whatever).

Fact is once I said "You gotta freakin talk to me about this" she realized she does...that we can't fight over dumb ****!
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Old 02-23-2011, 11:38 PM   #42
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The problem of you is that neither of you were really wrong, but then neither of you were really right either.

Don't conflate this argument into her family always coming first. Fight fair; this fight is about this fight Her MIL came over unannounced and at a bad time, damn, **** happens. I wouldn't be happy about it either. But people are people and it happens. I wouldn't expect my wife to turn her away at the door.

I wouldn't feel the need to interact, but I would be sure to interact *some*. If not, you look like you're mad and stewing in another room. Drop by once or twice for water or something. Find an excuse to see them and chit-chat for a couple of sentences to show that you're not steaming mad, but keep it shor so that it is obvious that she has interrupted something.

Your wife should realize it's an inconvenience and it's perfectly ok for you to feel like it's an inconvenience and understand that you don't want it to be normal. You should realize that, well, sometimes your inconvenienced, and make an effort to not be mad about it, because well, life and all that. The best laid plans of mice and men....go often askew.

My wife is easily on the phone 30 minutes with her mother pretty much every day. Add in the time with her friends, adopted family, others, etc there are times where I don't even really get to talk to her (at least their used to be). We've talked about it, and she pushed back for a bit, as did her mother (I'm you're mom!), but the bottom line is that I need more than 30 minutes with my wife each evening. It's not ok for me to have to do everything around the house because she's always on the phone, and it's not ok for me to be her chauffer because she thinks that car rides are free time to catch up with people. But it took a while of bending but not breaking and holding firm to get her to realize that she doesn't need 2+ hours of family phone time every evening at the expense of talking to me! Little fights like this were common, but it gets better if you fight fair and do bend adn flex some here and there, but stay consistent

 
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Old 02-24-2011, 01:11 AM   #43
Beernip
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I understand you man. My wife's family drops by waaay too much or calls at all hours of the night which tend to take about an hour or two to finish. I agree with most here that neither of you did anything wrong but you each need to compromise a little on your opinions on how it should have been handled. Unless this is happening 1-3 times a week I don't think it is a huge deal. Once a month I can live with.

For me, if her family shows up unexpectedly I'll let it slide but the wife knows that I'm not going to be expected to entertain them. I'll go do my own thing as if she wasn't there. If we had had "special" time planned together and she is interrupting you occasionally whisper in her ear that she owes you big time for the inconvenience. Don't over use this but it can be a very fun card to play. Getting pissed about it won't help either of you. Just watch family guy and move on.

 
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Old 02-24-2011, 02:17 AM   #44
jtkratzer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
...sexy time...
My wife hates Borat and I find it hysterical how she reacts when I use this term with his voice.

 
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Old 02-24-2011, 02:26 AM   #45
ChshreCat
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
we can't fight over dumb ****!
+ eleventy kagillion.

99.9% of the crap people fight over just isn't worth fighting over. SWMBO and I understand that and do our best to remember it. So, when one of us REALLY gets serious about something, the other one knows that it's important and should listen and/or give in.

So many people fight over what to have for dinner or what to do on the weekend or what to watch on tv or who keeps wiping what off on who's pillow case. It's all small crap that isn't worth a fight!

Save the battles for the important things. Like which Star Trek series was the best, or something like that.

 
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Old 02-24-2011, 02:35 AM   #46
passedpawn
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Quote:
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Like which Star Trek series was the best
<--- uh, damn, jealous.
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Old 02-24-2011, 04:35 PM   #47
BryanJ
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Im not married but this is a really pathetic thing to fight over. Grow up, and enjoy the time you have with your wife.

 
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