Arguing with SWMBO...my turn - Page 3 - Home Brew Forums
Register Now For Free!

Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > Arguing with SWMBO...my turn

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-23-2011, 01:11 AM   #21
passedpawn
Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth Class
HBT_ADMIN.png
 
passedpawn's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Apr 2009
☼ Clearwater, FL ☼
Posts: 26,649
Liked 7047 Times on 4175 Posts


Just ignore everything that bothers you. That's what I do. Don't get angry, don't get bitter. Be happy.

Desiderata! ...
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
Strive to be happy. Cheers!
__________________
- Andrew

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:12 AM   #22
curlyfat
Registered User
Recipes 
 
May 2010
Wyoming
Posts: 4,396
Liked 37 Times on 36 Posts


I can sort of feel your pain. My wife's mother died about 7 years ago (10 days after our first child was born). Her father and her became very close after that, and I think our son was a kind of therapy to him.

The problem is that we're about 110 miles away. He has a habit of calling and saying, "I'm coming into to town to visit, be there in about an hour." This has always drove me nuts. He can't plan a 110 mile trip even a day ahead of time?! I used to feel obligated to be present, but over the years it's become understood that if I'm there, I'm there. If I'm busy, I'm busy. If I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping (I often work nights). If they go out to eat, I usually stay home, because I value my days off. It took a few years of polite conversation for this to be OK with her and her father, but it all works out.

Now if I could get him to plan his trips with my wife and kids across three states more than a couple days in advance....

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:25 AM   #23
cfonnes
Recipes 
 
Jun 2010
Utah
Posts: 929
Liked 64 Times on 49 Posts


When I say that family comes first my opinion is biased because my wives family is not overbearing.

I have a friend whose mother in law caused his divorce because she was so obtrusive in her daughters life.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:51 AM   #24
Henrythe9th
Recipes 
 
Mar 2010
Redmond OR, Oregon
Posts: 327
Liked 6 Times on 6 Posts


This is why I like living 2000mi from my family ,and 2500mi from hers
they couldn't even find my house

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 02:09 AM   #25
jtkratzer
Senior Member
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
jtkratzer's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Oct 2010
Lititz, Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,811
Liked 39 Times on 39 Posts


We rarely have family just drop in...both our families (who live 5 minutes away in different directions) respect that while we're so close, we don't just have a "come on in" sign on the front door. They're welcome any time, but it's our house and we have our own privacy.

I'd say get things right with your marriage and your relationship. When she married you, she left mommy and daddy and that should mean something, as in your relationship is first and foremost.

I guess I'm very fortunate that my wife and I both really enjoy our relationships with our in-laws and we have no problems taking turns for the holidays and working things out to see everyone, even with having an 11 month old. It's nice to have understanding family (and spouse).

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 04:08 AM   #26
malkore
 
malkore's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jun 2007
Nebraska
Posts: 6,922
Liked 37 Times on 35 Posts


well, she didn't even want to talk about it. and her sister in law unfriended me on facebook because she stuck her nose in our business again so I blocked her from posting on my wall.

fine by me cuz she's a real piece of work...the only one in the family that really does get under my skin (and wife's, and my mother-in-law's...you get the idea)...but she's mad about that too.

I think that's the biggest problem, she's just not a big communicator, and ends up stewing over things even though she won't admit to it.
__________________
Malkore
Primary: English Mild
On tap: Pale Ale, Lancelot's Wheat, English Brown Ale, Steam Beer, HoovNuts IPA
Bottled: MOAM, Braggot, Raspberry Melomel, Merlot, Apfelwein, Pyment, Sweet mead, Cabernet
Gal in 2009: 27, Gal in 2010: 34, Gal in 2011: 13, Gal in 2012: 10

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:27 PM   #27
jtkratzer
Senior Member
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
jtkratzer's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Oct 2010
Lititz, Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,811
Liked 39 Times on 39 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
well, she didn't even want to talk about it. and her sister in law unfriended me on facebook because she stuck her nose in our business again so I blocked her from posting on my wall.

fine by me cuz she's a real piece of work...the only one in the family that really does get under my skin (and wife's, and my mother-in-law's...you get the idea)...but she's mad about that too.

I think that's the biggest problem, she's just not a big communicator, and ends up stewing over things even though she won't admit to it.
Sounds like maybe you have bigger issues with your wife (and her family) than just an unannounced drop in visit. Speaking of communication, it sounds like you've tried, but talking to her about it will probably get you farther than talking to us about it.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:50 PM   #28
Hugh_Jass
 
Hugh_Jass's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Nov 2008
Posts: 1,979
Liked 41 Times on 40 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
well, she didn't even want to talk about it. and her sister in law unfriended me on facebook because she stuck her nose in our business again so I blocked her from posting on my wall.

fine by me cuz she's a real piece of work...the only one in the family that really does get under my skin (and wife's, and my mother-in-law's...you get the idea)...but she's mad about that too.

I think that's the biggest problem, she's just not a big communicator, and ends up stewing over things even though she won't admit to it.
Your wife should not be discussing marital business with her family. She will never get objective advise from them, they're family. It only serves to foster a negative opinion of you by her relatives.

That said, Mrs. Jass' parents used to stop over unannounced. It really used to bother me. Fast forward a decade +, here's how we finally reached an understanding...I explained I married her, not her family. I like them, enjoy their company, but there are those times I just want to share her company, not her family's. We don't get that much alone time, and when we do, I want to enjoy it. Call it jealousy or whatever.

for us, it was really a communication issue. How I presented my POV made her understand it's not about disliking her family as much as it's about me enjoying her company.

Good luck
__________________
Quote:
"My new company is going to sell Aqua-infused(tm), Alphabetamashed(tm), Wortboiled(tm), Multihops Brewed(tm), Saccharomented(tm), Lageriffic(tm) beer. - Bobby_M
Pigs are fantastic creatures. They convert vegetables into bacon.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 01:55 PM   #29
jmendez29
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
jmendez29's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Nov 2008
Holland, Michigan
Posts: 1,231
Liked 156 Times on 99 Posts


IMHO - You did nothing wrong. But on the other hand, neither did she. It's great that you have family that is that close and that they live so close - of course, that's when things are going well. I think the best you could do from here forward, is to use it as an opportunity to make expectations clear. It's not likely that you will be able to stop a whole family from changing their ways based on your desires. But if the situation were to arise again, then invite the MIL in, excuse your rudeness for eating in front of her and maybe offer her a plate of food if you have any left, listen to the conversation for a few minutes after dinner to be sociable and politely dismiss yourself from the table to watch TV. If they have a problem with that, then they would most definitely be in the wrong. But most importantly is to not have an attitude about it. Ultimately, I see it as just a disconnect between your expectations and hers.
__________________
Does that make me an ***hole?

No, that's not what makes you an ***hole.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2011, 02:07 PM   #30
IrregularPulse
Hobby Collector
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
IrregularPulse's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Nov 2007
Posts: 51,513
Liked 3519 Times on 3330 Posts


Going just off this one occurrence, I don't see the big deal. It's her Mother. If it was just us and we were sitting down to dinner and my parents came over, I wouldn't expect my wife to expect me to tell them to leave, nor would I expect them to leave.
__________________
Tap Room Hobo

I should have stuck to four fingers in Vegas.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
my turn.... MetallHed Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 4 09-10-2010 03:30 AM
Do I need to turn in my Man card? Skins_Brew Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 49 02-22-2009 04:29 PM
SWMBO just doesn't get it ChshreCat Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 13 01-12-2009 10:46 PM
Are Turn Signals Extra?? cheezydemon Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 62 03-05-2008 04:51 PM
The crying in my beer that didn't turn out quite right thread.... Dude Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 23 10-16-2005 02:39 AM


Forum Jump