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Old 02-22-2011, 11:24 PM   #11
malkore
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cfonnes View Post
Family is welcome any time.
(Note: I'm not picking on you at all, you just seem to agree with my wife so here's my basic rebuttal)

Ok, but what if you're in the midst of getting frisky with your wife on the couch? You know, that 5 minutes before you chase her into the bedroom.

If mom rings the bell then, on a Sunday night, that is OK?

I guess that's my problem. For her, no matter what, its never wrong for her family to do something. Its like a zero tolerance policy...dumb and unfair because the world isn't frigging black and white!

Also for the record her parents live in town. Mine live 3 hours away (which is how I like it!)

I just really wish she'd understand that I need some boundaries set.
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:30 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
am I totally wrong here?
Totally wrong. I'd expect my wife to be pissed at me if I pulled something like that and I know I'd be pissed at her if she did that to me.

It's not like you were doing anything important - Family Guy isn't even funny anymore. I could see if you had a meeting and needed to leave, but you weren't doing anything. You should have offered her something to eat and hung out for a while.
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:32 PM   #13
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My $.02, why make it so hard.

If it bothered you that much, explain that you really didn't mean to be a jerk, but were upset that your dinner got interrupted, and leaving the room quietly was the best way you knew how to deal with it. Sounds like you respect your so's need for family contact, just as long as the family respects your need for time with your wife.

Instead of arguing, just figure out a better way that you could handle the situation if it were to come up again - as a couple. The rest will fall into place.

Life is too short to spend it mad.

 
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:41 PM   #14
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I don't know if I'd rehash the situation. You made it clear how you felt, apologized for how you handled your anger but not for being angry, and she obviously accepted that apology if you got some last night, so I'd say let it go.

If it happens continually, then I'd be more persistent about her telling her mom to announce herself before coming over. But this sounds like a once in a blue moon kind of thing, so no need to start a war over it. And if she thought you were being a jerk, mom probably noticed your irritation too. If she's a decent person that respects your home, she now knows to call first next time.

One thing I've learned from marriage is to control my anger. It gets you nowhere. There have been times where I was 100% in the right, but got so angry that I ended up looking like the ass and having to apologize. As hard as it may be sometimes, it's best to keep things as calm as possible, especially when dealing with family issues.

My .02, good luck!
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:46 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KCBrewer View Post

One thing I've learned from marriage is to control my anger. It gets you nowhere. There have been times where I was 100% in the right, but got so angry that I ended up looking like the ass and having to apologize.
Story of my life.

Single because of it.
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:54 PM   #16
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well, about to head home and try to agree on our expectations. really I just want to be on the same page, because it just feels like she doesn't care that the whole thing upset me.

thanks guys/gals
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:55 PM   #17
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SWMBO and I have known each other more than 30 years, married over 27 of those. Two things I have learned.

Sometimes you have to bite your tongue 'til it bleeds. If those words in your head actually get spoken, you'll never be able to take them back. They will echo for infinity.

Sometimes the best thing you can say is simply, "Yes, dear."


Good luck, buddy.
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Old 02-23-2011, 12:17 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdwj View Post
Totally wrong.
I have to disagree here but this is just me and my wife and it works for us. When family lived nearby we had boundries and these boundries dicatated that a phone call was in order before just "dropping by". This has served us well and good luck to you and your SWMBO.

Edit: FWIW, the day I married my wife (22 years ago) my dad gave me the following advice: "remember son, they don't think like we do!"
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Old 02-23-2011, 12:24 AM   #19
Bernie Brewer
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Weeelllll, no, you are not wrong.

But that doesn't matter. Not even a little bit.

In the 18 years i was married, my ex never once admitted to being wrong in a disagreement. She said her piece, then gave the silent treatment for about a week, then acted as nothing had happened.

I'm so glad she divorced me..........
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Old 02-23-2011, 12:28 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malkore View Post
well, about to head home and try to agree on our expectations. really I just want to be on the same page, because it just feels like she doesn't care that the whole thing upset me.

thanks guys/gals
I guess that's what it boils down to- not who's right or wrong, but what you both like. I think she DOES care that it upset you, but just can't figure out why on earth you'd be upset.

Her thinking, "So, my mom stopped over. It was so nice of her!" Your thinking, "Why doesn't she see that it's not a good time?!?" Neither of you are wrong, just thinking differently.

Women are different than men, that's for sure. I think it's usually a good thing.
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