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Old 02-15-2007, 04:21 AM   #1
texasgeorge
 
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* Oil Change instructions for Women:*
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

* Oil Change instructions for Men:*

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with Oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and Bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled During any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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Old 02-15-2007, 04:27 AM   #2
God Emporer BillyBrew
 
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That's closer to the truth than I'd like to admit.
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Old 02-15-2007, 05:08 AM   #3
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Absolutely hilarious. Exactly why I stopped changing oil myself.
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Old 02-16-2007, 03:18 AM   #4
speed
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I'm a mechanic so naturally i do all my own oil changes, but my daughter who lives in another town took her pickup to a jiffy lube and got her oil changed and a couple wipers and the bastards charged her about 70 bucks, i have yet to see the invoice to see where in the hell they came up with that amount

 
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Old 02-16-2007, 03:20 AM   #5
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My ute blows so much smoke out the back it is a wonder I have to change it.
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Old 02-16-2007, 03:28 AM   #6
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And then there is the brakes....

 
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Old 02-16-2007, 04:54 AM   #7
Ize
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LOL I had brakes last summer. Both vehicles.

I'm figuring total flush and fill on mine and some tranny work. Why not? It's only cash.


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Old 02-16-2007, 05:05 AM   #8
Bernie Brewer
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LOL I have three vehicles: My truck, my work beater, and my wife's car. All three needed brakes within three weeks of each other. Guess who got to fix the brakes each time???
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Old 02-16-2007, 02:19 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by speed
I'm a mechanic so naturally i do all my own oil changes, but my daughter who lives in another town took her pickup to a jiffy lube and got her oil changed and a couple wipers and the bastards charged her about 70 bucks, i have yet to see the invoice to see where in the hell they came up with that amount
Seems like a couple of years ago, the logic was that it only cost 20 bucks so why not do it? I had my wife take her car in for a basic oil change last year and they charged almost $40. I can do it for $12.
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Old 02-16-2007, 02:31 PM   #10
Yooper
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We have a place that charges $14.95 (total, including tax) so it's not worth it to do it yourself. They also top off all the other fluids, too. We have four cars total- an old Suburban, a newer truck, and two small corollas. Seems like the oil is always being changed on one of them. They have a special this month, and they are also doing a free car wash with an oil change. So, our cars will be clean for a whole hour.
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