At this point, no further hacking on the tap is necessary. (*whew*)
I went to Home Depot (other DIY stores should be just as good, it was closest) and got parts to connect an air chuck from the above paintball regulator. Here's a pic of the completed assembly:
That pic is with the "keg" holding 20 psi - and I'm here 3 hours later, and it's lost no pressure.
Apparently, there is a check valve in the tap itself that prevents pressure from leaking backwards. It makes pressurizing the keg slow, but it will eventually reach the pressure your regulator is set at.
I suggest threading the 1-1/2" pipe into the hole a couple times to get a thread established, and to make it so that the teflon tape doesn't get as destroyed during final assembly. NOTE - the pipe from HD fits very snugly into the hole in the tap. If you source from elsewhere, it might be too tight (use sandpaper) or too lose (JB Weld).
For those that are curious, here's a pic of the Watts parts I used:
Basically, you will need:
Pliers (maybe two if your grip is like mine and not so great)
Precision flathead screwdriver(s) or picks
Drill + ~3/16" bit
Watts A-712 (1/8" MIP x 1/8" FIP street elbow), A-716 (1/8" MIP x 1-1/2" pipe), and A-738 (1/4" MIP to 1/8" FIP reducer)
Compressed air fitting (female 1/4" NPT IM Brass Plug)
Teflon pipe tape
Looking at my receipt, it cost me about $8.50 for the parts to make one. If you go to a DIY store that sells the parts not individually packaged, you could probably make it for a LOT less. I just wanted to see if I could make it before I have to go back overseas.
I hope someone gets some use out of this post, this is my first "How-To" here on homebrewtalk.com.