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Old 01-20-2011, 11:03 PM   #21
Yooper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic0 View Post
Another good point that has gone through my mind. With the obvious exception of an unstable marriage, I'm honestly pretty happy with myself as a person. She on the other hand is not, and as you've stated, I can't make her or anyone else happy.
I guess that's what it boils down to. If she's not happy with herself, even Brad Pitt can't make her happy. Because being in a relationship doesn't make you happy, no matter what.

I sound like I've been reading Deepak Chopra! But, recognizing that simple fact- that only YOU can make yourself happy- is huge. She's not at that point, and is probably chasing happiness by trying to change her situation without changing herself.

I have a relative that suffers from depression. She's tried several things, but decided that moving across the country to a warmer climate would be the right thing. She did better for a while, but is back to being depressed again. She thought just moving would fix her. She doesn't realize that when you change your circumstances, you still drag all the old stuff with you if you don't fix the problem.

Unfortunately for your wife, she may find this out too late. I'd recommend counseling for the both of you, either marriage counseling or separation counseling, just in case there is a chance that you can work it out.
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Old 01-21-2011, 01:08 AM   #22
jmendez29
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In the end, we could collectively speculate on a thousand reasons why she might feel the way she does, and still probably be wrong on all of them. Having seen a LOT of my friends go through similar situations, myself included, I would still highly recommend getting a lawyer. Even if you don't want to, at least go talk to one. I'm sure a reputable lawyer could still give you a lot of good reasons to hire one without making you feel guilty or paranoid over the situation.

And in the meantime, if she really does indicate that she wants to work things out, by all means get some counseling. It may be personal reasons that she isn't happy, or it may be delusions that she didn't get the "happily ever after". As has been said by the great brewprophet Yooper, we are each individually responsible for our own happiness. It can't be given to or taken from anyone, we have to find it from within ourselves.
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Old 01-21-2011, 02:20 AM   #23
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The most successful marriages I have ever seen, are where they continue to 'date' after marriage.. IOW, they continue to do the things they did before they were married... They continue to 'chase' each other..

Everyone I know that has gone through divorce, without exception (although I'm sure there are some), testifies in hindsight that the divorce was 'far' worse than the marriage... So do everything you can to avoid that...

If you can.. 'date' her... just like you did when it was new and exciting.. Try and return your relationship to the 'first love' stage... and then keep that in your relationship from here forward...

Do everything you can to save it... at least then, you won't have to wonder 'what if'...

Oh, and rent the movie 'fireproof' and then sit down and watch it by yourself... believe it or not, that movie has 'thousands' of testimonials behind it of changed lives and saved marriages...
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Originally Posted by arturo7 View Post
Damn, where's my arm?.

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Old 01-22-2011, 03:09 PM   #24
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Don't look for advice on how to fix your marriage from a bunch of imperfect people with a divorce rate of well over 60%. If you want to save your marriage start by studying the bible. After all God did create the marriage, who else could give you better advice?start here.http://watchtower.org

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Old 01-22-2011, 03:24 PM   #25
schweaty
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yooper View Post
I'd rather be alone than with someone who's "not happy". Because none of us can ever make another person happy. They are looking for something that no human can provide, and even though we joked about "it's not you, it's me"- that's true. It's NOT you. It's 100% her. She's not happy. It really has nothing to do with you.
Hit the nail on the head right there Yooper. I'm sure it will be difficult for you at first but think of it this way. You're young, you brew your own beer, and now you've learned what kind of woman to stay away from. Maybe you need to find a woman who's experienced a lot in life and is ready to settle down. I went through a ton of terrible relationships to learn what I wanted in a spouse. When I found her, I snatched her up and the two of us are very happy with our marriage, three years and going strong. Good things take time, heck I waited until I was 29 to get married, granted she was 19

 
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:54 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikelikesit2000 View Post
Don't look for advice on how to fix your marriage from a bunch of imperfect people with a divorce rate of well over 60%. If you want to save your marriage start by studying the bible. After all God did create the marriage, who else could give you better advice?start here.http://watchtower.org
I'm sorry, not interested, have a nice day.

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Old 01-22-2011, 07:20 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikelikesit2000 View Post
Don't look for advice on how to fix your marriage from a bunch of imperfect people with a divorce rate of well over 60%. If you want to save your marriage start by studying the bible. After all God did create the marriage, who else could give you better advice?start here.http://watchtower.org
God is bezig kan IK helpen?

Dude I hope your trolling cause I could rip the bible apart re: marriage

How long have you been married? I over 26yrs now without some book telling us how we should live our life

There aint no god and I bet you still believe in the santa too.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:02 PM   #28
schweaty
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In before the lock FTW!

 
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:23 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Houblon View Post
God is bezig kan IK helpen?

Dude I hope your trolling cause I could rip the bible apart re: marriage

How long have you been married? I over 26yrs now without some book telling us how we should live our life

There aint no god and I bet you still believe in the santa too.
Instead of looking for validation of your beliefs on this here thread where the lad is looking for some help, and instead turning it into your personal venue for a hatred rant of all things Christian, why don't you just offer the kid 'your' advice (if you have any that's worth a damn), and have the common courtesy and decency to let others do the same....

He asked for some marriage advice, not for some self appointed religion cop to came in and use the thread to stamp out Christianity wherever you find it...

There's a proper time and place for everything, and this is neither the time nor place for what you're evangelizing... It's a big internet.. I'm sure you can find a better place to spew the venom... In fact, I believe there's a premium forum right here on this site, that's set aside just for evangelists of all things anti-religion like you.....
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"DOH!"
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"Beer is living proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arturo7 View Post
Damn, where's my arm?.

"You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends... but you can't pick your friends nose!"
George Carlin

 
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:29 PM   #30
r8rphan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schweaty View Post
In before the lock FTW!
Now I understand... I didn't see the previous post till after I saw yours...
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"DOH!"
Homer Simpson


"Beer is living proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy."
(possibly said by) Ben Franklin (maybe)


Quote:
Originally Posted by arturo7 View Post
Damn, where's my arm?.

"You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends... but you can't pick your friends nose!"
George Carlin

 
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