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Old 12-15-2010, 12:43 PM   #1
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brettwasbtd's Avatar
Apr 2010
Damascus, MD
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Ok, So I am 23 and engaged to be married this upcoming September. All my friends joke that I am a "grandpa." I agree to some extent, I just have VERY different ways of thinking compared to 95% of my friends, and I think it makes it hard for us to hang out. The majority of my friends, and even my fiance's friends, think hanging out is going to the bars and getting hammered. They are also single and not looking to settle down anytime soon. I haven't been real drunk for over a year now. Its not my thing, and I get sick VERY easily. I love beer, but when I drink I have 1 or 2, maybe a 3rd if I am out, but thats it - hence the home brewing. My Fiance and I do have a few friends that can hang out and do other things, but its just kinda sad that people we have known for years don't want to just sit around and talk, or hang out. Can't seem to get guy friends to want to go play football or anything anymore (a lot of this is probably from schedule conflicts). Another thing is that since these people go out... they stay out late! I like to be in bed by 11-12 on the weekends and up around 8.

Anyone else go through a stage like this in their life? What did you do? My sister and her husband are 31/33 and she has told me that they know people that have kids and will hire a babysitter so they can go get tanked?! Maybe I am just more mature than the average person, or maybe my years of not being able to hold down alcohol are to blame. I just feel like I am a rarity amongst those my age, and it makes me wonder/sad. Ok... hope all my points came through and others can provide some insight. Thanks!

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Old 12-15-2010, 01:19 PM   #2
arch1tect's Avatar
Nov 2009
Posts: 281
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This happens at different times up until you have kids(I'm assuming). My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 2. We have a house that's a bit of a drive from where we grew up so we don't really get to see our friends all that often. When we do them see them though it's a much better experience than it was 5 years ago.

You're just beginning to see who your real friends are and over the next decade you'll slowly craft your friendship with others a bit differently since you'll be married. Things will start to fall into place.

For the most part we simply hang out with people from the brew club and our neighbors who are in their mid-40s(I'm only 30, and my wife is 28). We have a great time with them all and are all on the same wavelength so it's nice. It just takes time to get there.

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Old 12-15-2010, 02:41 PM   #3
Marko73's Avatar
Oct 2007
Clayton, North Carolina
Posts: 617
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I don't think you are weird at all, but it is hard. I went through the same thing all through my 20's and even into my 30's. It was pretty isolating in a lot of ways. Now, my wife and I have a 2 year old and 1 year old, but a lot of our friends with kids still (I guess) try to reclaim their 20's and drink a ton and go out a lot.

My wife has made a few friends that like things low key like us, but I haven't yet. We moved to a new town about 3 years ago and I feel more isolated than ever. There is a homebrew club near me that is having an Open House in January and I am trying to get up the nerve to go. If nothing else, I at least want to try it.

I guess I don't have any advice for you, just to say I know what you are feeling. But one thing, I think it is great that you don't compromise your lifestyle to try to fit in to someone else's. If that makes you weird, you don't want to be 'normal.'

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Old 12-15-2010, 02:44 PM   #4
Oct 2008
Posts: 477
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I wish we were neighbors! Then again, I'm in my mid 30s, so I'm not near as "cool" as I used to be.

Don't get discouraged, most of your friends will eventually stop being cool as well... Weirdo
I like a little more beer in my beer.

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Old 12-15-2010, 03:26 PM   #5
CoalCracker's Avatar
Sep 2009
Macungie, Pa
Posts: 1,704
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I went throught that stage too. Then went through a stage where I would love to go out and get hammered. Now I'm 27 and think I have reached a happy medium. Not a barfly, but don't much like just sitting around all the time. I have friends that are married and trying for kids, friends that are getting married. Then there is me, in a relationship but not yet engaged. We all still try and get together but I see another "lonely" time coming in the future. Where all of my friends will be having kids and I'll still be a year or two behind. It will all work out. I have a good group of friends. One of which is a brewer. Sit tight but life is what you make of it. Find friends with a similar situation. They are out there.

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Old 12-15-2010, 03:34 PM   #6
I'm no atheist scientist, but...
Oct 2009
Thiensville, Wisconsin
Posts: 8,383
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Originally Posted by brettwasbtd View Post
My sister and her husband are 31/33 and she has told me that they know people that have kids and will hire a babysitter so they can go get tanked?! Maybe I am just more mature than the average person....
geeze, that's a tall horse you got there....

while we've never hired a babysitter so we can "go get tanked", (I can't remember the last time we hired a babysitter...) I'm not gonna rag on people for doing it. oh man! they were so...responsible!

let them do what they want and quit judging people. if you don't want to do the same things as your friends, find other people to hang out with.

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Old 12-15-2010, 03:35 PM   #7
Sep 2010
Swartz Creek, Michigan
Posts: 66
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Your weird in your crowd. I was weird in mine. Went thourgh the same thing. Eventually you'll find some other weird people to hang around that have the same weird intrest and just like that you'll be normal.

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Old 12-15-2010, 03:45 PM   #8
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IrregularPulse's Avatar
Nov 2007
Posts: 51,843
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This is the time in life where people start taking different paths. When I was 23, I was still into going to the bars every weekend and get trashed and having a good time. I'm 28 now and am setteled down, married, own a house and have 2 kids. I still have friends, some even older, that still have parties with flip cup and beer pong and what not. And I have a fantastic time the 1-2 times a year when we go to them. Just cause you're grown up doesn't mean you can't have fun too. I wouldn't be looking down on people choosing the path they did, or put yourself on any pedestal for choosing the one you did either. And their is nothing wrong with getting a baby sitter and going out with friends and, OMG, getting drunk. We don't do it very often, but you have to realize that parents are still individual people and that portion of life has to be catered to along with the couple as a couple as well as the family as a whole.
Live how you prefer to live as long as you're not harming anyone, and surround yourself this those that share your lifestyle. You'll notice that you really don't even have to work at it, those friends will just gradually fade away as your interests and priorities drift farther apart. Just realize one lifestyle is better than the other. It's just what you prefer.
Tap Room Hobo

I should have stuck to four fingers in Vegas.

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Old 12-15-2010, 03:55 PM   #9
Sep 2010
Washington, DC
Posts: 160
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I'm actually the very same way and I'm just as young as you. I would so much rather sit around and hang out as opposed to going out to bars and getting wasted. I just feel like staying in and hanging out is cheaper (yes, I'm quite frugal with my nearly $80K in student loans) and just way more relaxing. I'm the same way with you in terms of sleeping, too. Waking up between 8 and 9 is considered late for me and I'm completely fine with that. I honestly wouldn't worry about it at all because there are people in life like all of us who posted here and then there are all the others!

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Old 12-15-2010, 04:01 PM   #10
knotquiteawake's Avatar
Aug 2009
Dallas TX
Posts: 1,146
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I'm 26 and my own wife calls me a grandpa. I love going to bed early, I usually don't like loud music, young hooligans and their shenanigans bug the crap out of me, and I definitely don't like the bar scene. My friends are all pretty conservative folks anyways so we don't really conflict with things to do. I've been practicing for when i have a house and lawn to get my "HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!" just right.

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