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Old 08-15-2010, 12:10 AM   #1
badmajon
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Feb 2010
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I love my kids, but it's weird, I'm not sure if I like parenting. I never really thought of it before I had one, but now that I have two, it's just unbearable at times.

I feel like my whole life, 24 hours a day, is about kids. My wife and I don't go out anymore. I get home after a 10 hour workday, then if I'm lucky, by the time we finish putting the kids down, I have 2 hours to spend with my wife or just chill out. Making beer is pretty much the only me time I get, which I do maybe twice a month but more like every three or four weeks.

I just don't understand how people can have more than two or three of these! Does it ever get easier? I feel this odd, conflicting emotion, I love my kids, and I play with them and I think I'm a good loving parent, but at the same time I feel so worn out and stressed with them that I just keep thinking "there's no bloody way I'm doing this again" and to make things worse, I think my wife wants a large family which I at this point have no interest in begetting.

 
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Old 08-15-2010, 12:19 AM   #2
Laughing_Gnome_Invisible
 
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Parenting is a double edged sword. I only had the one, and she was Heaven and hell in equal measure.

If she ever sick, I honestly felt like I would cut off my right arm if it would make her better. On the other hand, It could be very frustrating at times. I remember one day in the pub saying to a group of people, "Hey, you know when sometimes you feel like you just want to throw the little buggar against a wall?"......That went down terribly badly, but I knew damned well the shock on people's faces was faked. It's not like I would ever actually DO such a thing. I was simply being honest about my emotions, much more so than they would ever be. As it turned out, my 30 year old daughter turned out pretty fooking well, and a source of immense pride for me. You just gotta hang in there and trust yourself. That's all there is to it.

 
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Old 08-15-2010, 12:40 AM   #3
Superkabuto
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Mar 2010
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Dude, don't worry. All parents feels this way. How old are your kids? I have two daughters aged 8 months and 2 years and I can totally relate to what you're saying. I love my kids, I'm glad I have them, I'm a great parent, and I wouldn't give up being their dad for anything, but f*uck things are difficult sometimes. Don't expect things to get easier until they grow up and move out. But nothing f*cks up your life like a newborn. It does get a little easier when they get to be about 6 months or so.

A few suggestions from a sophmore parent:

1. Don't let your relationship with your wife become ONLY about the kids. Of course, it inevitably will be if you have a newborn. But as the kids get older and become a little more independent, you can't let your wife become merely a business partner. Send her love notes, let her know she's sexy, plan some couple time away from the kids. Whatever it takes.

2. Make time for yourself. Give yourself something to look forward to. A diversion. You already have brewing. Maybe something less expensive that you can do more often.

3. Try to remember that kids are a natural insurance policy. It seems hard now, but when you're too old to wipe your a** it will be their responsibility to change your sh*tty diapers. Kids are an investment that will pay dividends in the long run.
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Old 08-15-2010, 01:12 AM   #4
badmajon
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Feb 2010
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Thanks for the replies. The long run is pretty much the only thing I can think of. Which sounds so horrible, like I don't love my kids. I do, it's just the sheer amount of hours required that is killing me. My whole life I have worked for the weekend and those few hours after work, and now thats all gone.

It's the long run which keeps me going, I guess one day I'll have to tell my wife I want one more kid and that's it, which I'm not looking forward to since we got married thinking we both wanted a big family.

btw, my kids are 3 months and 24 months

 
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Old 08-15-2010, 01:14 AM   #5
Cheeto
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I have 3 children,

They are a full time job ! but I am graced because there is a fair bit of time between them ! 13 yr old boy, 10 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy.

The only secret I have to offer is consistency........
if you treat any one of them better than the other than you will end up with animosity amongst them.

The early years were very tough because I was still working out what I wanted to be when I grew up but it gets better !
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Old 08-15-2010, 01:21 AM   #6
Ricand
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Wow, I do feel your pain. It does get better, then worse(teen), then better. I had two, can't imagine having more. Arrange a date night with the wife when it gets really bad. Agree that there will be NO discussion of child related anything. It doesn't have to be expensive (except for the sitter). It will help you be a better parent and connected with your wife on a different wavelength.
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Old 08-15-2010, 02:11 AM   #7
Superkabuto
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmajon View Post
btw, my kids are 3 months and 24 months
3 months is still hard. It will get better. Wait until they're old enough to run around together and it will be more fun, even if it isn't less work.
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Old 08-15-2010, 02:47 PM   #8
yummybeer
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Oct 2009
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i have a 2 yr old girl and a 4 yr old girl. as they get older, the more fun i think it is because it seem a little easier to go out to do things. i wouldn't change it for the world. being the only guy in the house, i go out to the bar a time or 2 each month with a couple buddies.

 
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Old 08-15-2010, 03:25 PM   #9
northernlad
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Aug 2009
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There are other people like me???
First, 3 mo and 24 mo is still all about mom. Soon the older one will become a whole lot more fun and the older they get, the easier it gets.

I don't love children. If my practice wife and I hadn't gotten pregnant I would probably never have had kids. My baby is 13 and she is a wonder to me. A great kid, a wonderful person and a good friend. My wife has a 7 year old and I feel the pressure of not loving children every day.

Gnome - Anyone who says they never wanted to wring the life out of their child is a dirty liar. Or on a significant amount of Valium.

 
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Old 08-15-2010, 04:25 PM   #10
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I'm reminded of a comic: First panel, young boy saying, "When I grow up, I'll stay up all night!" Second panel: 3 a.m. Father with screaming baby.

As third of six, I decided a long time ago to not have kids. I really have no idea how my parents managed.

 
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