so am I an Ahole? - Home Brew Forums
Register Now For Free!

Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > so am I an Ahole?

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-01-2009, 06:31 AM   #1
JoshuaWhite5522
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
JoshuaWhite5522's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jan 2009
Puyallup, WA
Posts: 627
Liked 18 Times on 14 Posts



let me start this by saying I've been drinking pretty well tonight while the SWMBO watches True Blood on demand.

So I have been married for 2 years and am in a good marriage, but I have been thinking about throwing in the towel. Sadly I have no "good" reason. The wife and I love each other, are mostly supportive, and we rarely fight. However my only real reason for wanting to leave is that i miss the freedoms of being single. Drink as much as I want, or do nothing on a saturday except sit around in my boxers. I guess that I feel pretty selfish about theses reasons, and i problably should but are they valid ones to act on? I promised to marry myself to this woman forever. I think deep down inside I don't want to have to share my life with anyone anymore, to have to make mutual descisions, and to share income when I work harder for my income (I'm us army infantry and she's a secretary and a medical office).
__________________
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind
- Humphrey Bogart

My Keezer Build

My Kegbot Over 1000 pints poured!

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 06:38 AM   #2
BeerBudha
Recipes 
 
Jul 2009
Tucson, AZ
Posts: 86

Being a former Infantryman while my ex-wife worked retail I can kinda understand where youre coming from. If you love her I wouldn't do it just because you want your freedom. Maybe just ask her if you could get a saturday once a month to yourself.
__________________
I put the fun in dysfunctional.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 06:44 AM   #3
jpc
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Recipes 
 
Jan 2009
Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 1,914
Liked 68 Times on 51 Posts


I don't understand why being married prevents you from sitting around in your skivvies on a Saturday night. Drinking too much? So long as you don't make it a daily habit, why can't she overlook it once in a while?

Also, have you spoken to her about this, or are you assuming on your own that she is against these thing?

In my relationship, we can do what we want so long as it doesn't affect the other one. That means if she wants to go out with her friends, she does it. If I want to go, I can join or not... my choice. Likewise I can do what I want. It's a Friday night and I'm sitting around in my boxers while she's reading in the chair across the room.

Bottom line is that marriage shouldn't change anything, IMO. As much as you are sharing something with someone else, you are still both individuals with your individuals likes and dislikes. There is nothing wrong with doing what you want, so long as the other party isn't affected.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 06:48 AM   #4
BeerBudha
Recipes 
 
Jul 2009
Tucson, AZ
Posts: 86

Thats a lot more of what I was thinking but couldn't figure out how to write it. I'm going on minimal sleep today.
__________________
I put the fun in dysfunctional.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 07:17 AM   #5
JoshuaWhite5522
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
JoshuaWhite5522's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jan 2009
Puyallup, WA
Posts: 627
Liked 18 Times on 14 Posts


I just feel like i am in a no win situation, here is an example:

she doesn't like watching me play the x-box, so i have bought my own tv for the bedroom. now she dosen't like me playing it b/c i don't spend the evening with her. So i stop playing all together but i only end up watching john and kate plus 8 or something similar.
__________________
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind
- Humphrey Bogart

My Keezer Build

My Kegbot Over 1000 pints poured!

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 08:17 AM   #6
jmendez29
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
jmendez29's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Nov 2008
Holland, Michigan
Posts: 1,231
Liked 156 Times on 99 Posts


The first thing you gotta do is talk to her about it. I find myself more relaxed when I can get out to my garage to wrench on my snowmobiles or motorcycle or whatnot. My ex-gf used to get pissed when I would spend my time out there, so I would go inside to spend time with her. I would get agitated when all we would do is watch some dum bass show on tv that I have no interest in. One day we got into another argument about it, and I asked her why we have to spend time doing only the things she wants to do. Why can't she come out to the garage to talk to me, I'll even put a chair out there for her.

In the end, it opened up her eyes that I wasn't trying to avoid her, I was just bored and wanted more mental stimulation than the tv could provide. Maybe there's something you can find that interest both of you. Maybe you can just be two individuals living together. This may be a simple case of two people who misunderstand each others wants and needs. I may be two people who are overall incompatible.

Being a divorcee, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone despite the fact that I had an easy divorce. I urge you to try to find a solution to your problems instead of running from them. If its an irreconcilable situation then so be it, but you owe it to yourself and to her to try to find out so you don't ever question whether you made the right decision.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 08:41 AM   #7
MeatyPortion
Internet Bartender
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
MeatyPortion's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2009
Madison, WI
Posts: 6,680
Liked 530 Times on 402 Posts


How old are you both? That's one thing to consider since you'll grow out of some of these habits.

I was infantry (now 19D, meh) and just got married last year. We've never had any major issues as far as how to split our time, also I've probably burned myself out on going to the bars (I'm 34), and usually spend some time together each day without getting in arguments. We both like to travel a lot, we both enjoy dining out once in a while, we both like beer, etc. We've found enough common ground that we don't feel insecure when the other goes off to do something by themself.

Talking to her is the best thing you can do right now.
__________________
On Deck
Ed Wort's Apfelwein
Primary
murr
Kegged
I have kegs?

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 08:50 AM   #8
BeerBudha
Recipes 
 
Jul 2009
Tucson, AZ
Posts: 86

19D? I got out all together BP now down in AZ. Did I just hijack this thread?
__________________
I put the fun in dysfunctional.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 09:35 AM   #9
wolfstar
 
wolfstar's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Apr 2009
Hidden Valley, Arizona
Posts: 481
Liked 38 Times on 29 Posts


+1 to Meaty Portion, especially the part about age and growing out of certain behaviors.

Got married at 32, glad as f*ck I waited. Dated quite a bit, had 2 serious relationships with chics that wanted ME to marry THEM but I was not feeling like I wanted to reciprocate. Now?...Couldn't be happier, no question about it. We each have our hobbies, I am an amateur astronomer, brew beer, break sh*t and blow stuff up...her? she loves dogs (I do to) makes jewelry, and reads more books in a week than a lot of folks do in a year. Do we have a lot in common? Some things, the simple things, each others company, but we also give each other space when needed, and find our respective interests to be OK (as long as I don't burn/hurt myself to bad). Why, because we want each other to be HAPPY above all. I focus on her happiness, support her and she does likewise.

About the xBox, we have one to, and actually we play a lot of games together, Halo, PGR 1&2, Burnout(s) etc. Maybe if you can engage your girl in that activity you might be able to bridge the gap. If all she wants to do is have you accompany her doing activities of her choosing, you will, of course, be resentful. When you meet your life partner, there should not have to be major changes in iether ones behavior or personality to make it work. If changes have to happen because one or the other is unhappy, then it is not a good fit.

Ballance, is the key.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 09:46 AM   #10
wolfstar
 
wolfstar's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Apr 2009
Hidden Valley, Arizona
Posts: 481
Liked 38 Times on 29 Posts


BTW, after this thread i checked out Metalopalypse thread, my wife was diggin that sh*t...

 
Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools



Forum Jump