I recently found two lumps in my testicles. It was very worrying as they are quite large. If I grab my testes, these lumps pretty much fill my hand. I've read a lot about feeling lumps, and they always say that you should consult your doctor.
My health insurance is cheap, and is a bit against seeing doctors and getting medical opinions so I took my problem to the local bar. I asked the lady behind the bar to feel my testicles. She did not refuse, but insisted I give her a co-pay of fifty dollars before she inspected them.
I stumped up the $50. I wanted to get to the bottom of this, and I as prepared to pay. She cupped my testes in her hands and rolled them around a little. Unfortunately this seemed to accelerate the cancer, and rigor mortis spread immediately to my penis!!
I was panicking by this stage. I was dying from the dick up!! The bar doctor assured me that she could cure this problem by sucking out the poison, however, this medical procedure was very difficult and would cost another $200.
I was desperate for my life, so I payed up. She proceeded to suck out the poison, and I felt a great relief as the poison left my body. She then spat out the poison on the floor. For some reason that I can't explain, I had hoped that she would have swallowed it, but I was still grateful.
My life was saved by this kind woman at the local bar when my Medical insurance would prefer that I just curl up and die.
I would strongly urge any other man to check their testicles daily. If by chance you feel rigor mortis in your penis then I suggest that you go to your local bar immediately! From my experience, your problem can be relieved straight away simply by giving a local Samaritan woman all the cash in your wallet.