I don't know if this will brew the "perfect lager" but I just picked everyone's brain in http://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=11897
and the steps we came up with looked something like this.
1) pitch yeast at room temps, wait for signs of fermentation, move to beer fridge/freezer. (I like it this way because I got MASSIVE fermentation in about 6 hours)
2) Primary fermentation for about 2 weeks at 45-52 degrees.
3) Check SG, if gravity is below 1.018, raise temp to room temperature to allow for diacetyl rest. Leave at room temp for around 48 hours.
4) Rack to secondary and move back into beer fridge. Lower temps gradually to around 38-42 degrees for lagering.
5) Leave beer in secondary for a couple months at lager temps
6) Bring beer to room temp, prime and bottle the beer.
7) Leave beer at room temps for a few weeks to allow for carbonation.
8) Chill, and drink the sh!t out of the beer.
If anyone has any revisions or corrections to this list, please feel free. I'm no expert here. (But the Doppelbock and the Helles both smell wonderful!)