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Old 04-28-2009, 04:14 PM   #1
Chad
 
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Sep 2007
Apex, NC
Posts: 1,028
Liked 11 Times on 10 Posts



Texts from Last Night.

Go to the bathroom before you begin reading. Otherwise you will soil yourself. I have a headache from laughing so hard.

Quote:
(817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Quote:
(815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
(1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Quote:
(609): i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:23 PM   #2
llazy_llama
 
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Jan 2009
Rapid City, South Dakota
Posts: 2,839
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Quote:
(310): I understand how i **** in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.


Quote:
(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think we've all been there a time or two.
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Originally Posted by Catt22 View Post
I would never use a dead mouse in my beer. It's much better to use live ones. You could probably just steep a dead one, but live ones must be mashed. Actually, smashed and mashed would be best.


 
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:32 PM   #3
llazy_llama
 
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Jan 2009
Rapid City, South Dakota
Posts: 2,839
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They just keep getting better!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catt22 View Post
I would never use a dead mouse in my beer. It's much better to use live ones. You could probably just steep a dead one, but live ones must be mashed. Actually, smashed and mashed would be best.

 
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:32 PM   #4
StoutFan
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Jan 2009
Wyoming, Michigan
Posts: 922
Liked 6 Times on 5 Posts


Quote:
(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Quote:
(802): I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Quote:
(323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

these are great.........
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:43 PM   #5
Brewin_Bob
 
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Jan 2008
Spring, TX
Posts: 552


Quote:
(856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Quote:
(312): I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
been there, done that ...

Quote:
(301): There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
(240): What a good friend
Quote:
(517): areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
(616): you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the last one may end up as my new sig
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"I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me." - Aldous Snow, lead singer of Infant Sorrow

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-- Currently Being Remodeled --

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Conditioning:Lemstrac Wine, first mead
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:47 PM   #6
TwoHeadsBrewing
 
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Feb 2008
Chico, CA
Posts: 3,924
Liked 39 Times on 36 Posts


Quote:
(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Classy! 1234
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:48 PM   #7
Beerthoven
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May 2007
Cary, NC
Posts: 2,176
Liked 36 Times on 31 Posts


Ah, good times, good times...

Quote:
(757): Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
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Old 04-28-2009, 05:02 PM   #8
LooyvilleLarry
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Aug 2008
Louisville,KY
Posts: 965
Liked 7 Times on 6 Posts


Yah. Don't read these at work. People will come over!
Quote:
(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel s***! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. F***n waste of money.

 
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Old 04-28-2009, 05:19 PM   #9
pizzaman
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Feb 2009
San Antonio, TX
Posts: 680
Liked 4 Times on 4 Posts


Quote:
(914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
(773): jesus mom
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!


Quote:
(773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
(312): Prob not but she was surprised

 
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Old 04-28-2009, 05:33 PM   #10
Bokonon
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Mar 2007
Tri-Cities, WA
Posts: 1,283
Liked 14 Times on 14 Posts


Great site.

Quote:
(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

 
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