A Guy Walks Into A Bar - Page 3 - Home Brew Forums

Register Now!
Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling > A Guy Walks Into A Bar

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-08-2009, 10:55 PM   #21
DeathBrewer
Maniacally Malty
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
DeathBrewer's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Apr 2007
Oakland, CA
Posts: 21,790
Liked 261 Times on 134 Posts


Dirty Ernie walks into a whorehouse. He brings his jar of change and throws it up on the bar. "What can I get for all of this?" he asks.

The bartender gives him a look and asks, "Have you ever had sex before."

"Nope, this is my first time, that's why I'm here."

"I tell you what, we got some trees in the back...I want you to go practice on the holes back there and once you feel comfortable to go with a woman, you can come back in."

So Dirty Ernie spends some time in the back practicing on the trees. He comes in and the bartender sends him upstairs to Door # 3. As he walks through the door, the lovely whore blows him a kiss, spreads wide and invites him over to the bed.

Dirty Ernie grabs her legs and pulls a stick out of his pants, attempting to poke it inside her as she jumps up screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!????"

"What?" Ernie replied. "I'm checking for squirrels."
__________________
Easy Partial Mash Brewing - Stovetop All-Grain Brewing

"Death is always with us." - Brewpastor

Quote:
DIAICYLF
We will remember...

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2009, 11:01 PM   #22
DeathBrewer
Maniacally Malty
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
DeathBrewer's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Apr 2007
Oakland, CA
Posts: 21,790
Liked 261 Times on 134 Posts


So, a man walks into a whorehouse, goes up to the bar and says, "Give me a beer and the most beautiful blonde you have!"

The bartender pours a full glass and directs him to wait at the table while he calls the blonde down.

The man sits down, enjoying his beer and the bowl of strawberries at the table. He sees this beautiful blonde, coming down the stairs. He gives her a big smile as she walks up to the table. Suddenly, she screams and runs away.

Confused and still horny, the man goes back up to the bar. "What was wrong with that girl? She ran off!"

The bartender replies, "The blondes are always kind of loopy, sorry about that...here's another beer.

"Fine." The man said. "Get me a brunette this time." So he grabs his beer and sits back down, enjoying the strawberries and waiting for his brunette.

The brunette comes up behind him while his mouth is full of strawberries. "What's up big boy." As he turns around, she slaps him, screaming, and runs away.

"Jesus, man. The brunettes are crazy, too! Get me a damn redhead!" The redhead comes down and runs away too.

"What are you doing at that table?" The bartender asks.

"Nothing just drinking my beer and eating these strawberries."

Horrified, the bartender whispers, "Those aren't strawberries. Those are this month's abortions."
__________________
Easy Partial Mash Brewing - Stovetop All-Grain Brewing

"Death is always with us." - Brewpastor

Quote:
DIAICYLF
We will remember...

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2009, 11:20 PM   #23
TwoHeadsBrewing
 
TwoHeadsBrewing's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Feb 2008
Chico, CA
Posts: 3,924
Liked 39 Times on 36 Posts


So wrong...
__________________

Fermenting: ESB
Kegged: Extra IPA, Brown Ale, American Wheat, Blackheart Stout
Coming Up: Dunkleweizen, 3C Pale Ale


DIY Fermentation Chamber
More Brew Stuff

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2009, 11:24 PM   #24
llazy_llama
 
llazy_llama's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jan 2009
Rapid City, South Dakota
Posts: 2,839
Liked 90 Times on 28 Posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathBrewer View Post
<Gross Joke Here>
Hahahah! Zing of the day!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catt22 View Post
I would never use a dead mouse in my beer. It's much better to use live ones. You could probably just steep a dead one, but live ones must be mashed. Actually, smashed and mashed would be best.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2009, 11:42 PM   #25
beerthirty
big beers turn my gears
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
beerthirty's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2008
Podunk, VA. Not far from the NC line.
Posts: 2,589
Liked 32 Times on 14 Posts


This guy is sitting in a penthouse bar when another man comes in and says to the bartender "Hi George, give me a double of tequila." The bartender nods and slides the drink to him. The man downs it in a single drink and then walks over to the window and opens it. He takes a step out and just floats in midair. After a few seconds he comes back in and orders a beer. While drinking his beer the first man says to him "Wow, that was amazing. How did you do that?" The second man says "Dunno, every time I order a double of good tequila I get the urge to step out the window knowing I won't fall." The first guy thinking it must be the drink, orders up the same drink. After slamming it, he walks to the window and steps out. He falls 35 stories to his death. The bartender says to the second man "Superman, your an *******."
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_bird View Post
"I've got a fever... and the only prescription is, MORE CARBOYS!"
primary- Tangerine Dream, SWMBO slayer,
serving- amber ale hop experiment #6, Roggenbier, apfelwine
planning- Cru?
conditioning- 9/9/09 barleywine
Drink water?... Never, fish fornicate in it.--- W.C. Fields
Most problems can be solved with the proper application of force.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 12:43 AM   #26
Willy Boner
Recipes 
 
May 2007
Drain OR
Posts: 525
Liked 5 Times on 5 Posts


A really muscled guy walks into a bar, but he has a head about the size of an orange. After a few drinks, the bartender asks him, "How did a great big fellow like you get stuck with such a little head?"
The big guy said he was walking down the beach one day when he spotted a bottle, He rubbed it when out popped a gorgeous genie that said she would grant any wish he wanted. He said he only wanted to have sex with her. She told him that was one wish she could not grant. So he said " How about a little head?"
__________________
In pursuit of my next one!

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 01:15 AM   #27
Yuri_Rage
Gritty.
HBT_MODERATOR.png
 
Yuri_Rage's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Jul 2006
Southwest
Posts: 14,289
Liked 808 Times on 512 Posts


To follow up Death's awful joke:

Two politicians are discussing hot topics. One asks, "Where do you stand on abortions?" The second answers, "Nowhere, really. They're slippery."
__________________
Homebrewed Blog..........YouTube Channel .......... Shirts, posters, etc

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 01:28 AM   #28
jpsloan
 
jpsloan's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Nov 2006
New Market, MD
Posts: 745
Liked 6 Times on 6 Posts


The difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

One gets up in the morning and clucks defiance.
__________________
"An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold on to a blade of grass, and keep from slipping off the face of the Earth."

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 01:32 AM   #29
nakros
Recipes 
 
Jan 2009
New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 155
Liked 2 Times on 2 Posts


Quote:
A Guy Walks Into A Bar
Thats got to hurt.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 02:52 AM   #30
the_bird
10th-Level Beer Nerd
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
 
the_bird's Avatar
Recipes 
 
May 2006
Adams, MA
Posts: 20,889
Liked 528 Times on 424 Posts


Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.












Hey, it *could* happen!
__________________
Come join Yankee Ingenuity!

"I'm kind of toasted. But I looked at my watch and it's only 6:30 so I can't stop drinking yet." - Yooper's Bob
"Brown eye finally recovered after the abuse it endured in Ptown last weekend, but it took almost a full week." - Paulie
"no, he just doesn't speak 'stupid'. i, however, am fluent...." - motobrewer
"... I'll go both ways." - Melana

 
Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
She Walks in the Willows with Pandas paulthenurse General Chit Chat 149 03-10-2015 01:43 PM
An Irishman walks into a bar..... Onescalerguy Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling 14 09-19-2007 09:12 PM


Forum Jump