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Old 02-20-2009, 11:17 PM   #101
HBHoss
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Originally Posted by bernerbits View Post
I mean the therapist is also licensed to write scripts. You know, so we don't have to go to two different guys and spend twice as much money.
A Psychiatrist. That's good. Be totally honest and talk to the Doc before the both of you are in there together.

 
Old 02-20-2009, 11:30 PM   #102
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I've been debating whether or not to jump in here, but I finally decided that I had to throw in my own 2c, gained through experience.
Your wife sounds a lot my my ex. She was great at the beginning, but after a while, things changed.
To make a long story short, I endured years of accusations of infidelity,(with any woman that I met, whether I was with her or not, either she was trying to get me into bed, or I was trying to get them), violent episodes during the wicked combo of PMS and drinking, and her finally driving all of my friends off and her moving us as far away from my friends and family as she could manage. Anytime that ANYONE would bring up an old g/f of mine, she would go nuts.
We tried marriage counselling, which was great for me,but when she refused to make appointments with the shrink to work on her own isues (I was the one with problems, not her), I was done.
Divorce was the best thing to happen to me since the birth of my kids, which was the only thing that kept my marriage together in the first place.


My advice, even though it wasn't asked for, is MAKE her go to counselling. If she refuses, or stops, threaten her with divorce, and go see a lawyer. With all due respect, screw your family and their opinions. This is YOUR life and YOUR happiness we're talking about, not theirs.


I truly hope it all works out for you, brother. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through what I did.
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:37 PM   #103
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Interesting. Another guy with a psycho ex. When my ex and I were still living together and trying to keep things together, the guy she was cheating on me with came to our home at 3:00AM to complain to me that my wife was cheating on him!!! Now how f'ed up is that??

 
Old 02-20-2009, 11:43 PM   #104
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Interesting. Another guy with a psycho ex. When my ex and I were still living together and trying to keep things together, the guy she was cheating on me with came to our home at 3:00AM to complain to me that my wife was cheating on him!!! Now how f'ed up is that??
That is both f'ed up AND hilarious!
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:44 PM   #105
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I didn't read the whole thread, just the first few pages and the last couple, but here's my take on it. Three years is an awful long time to hold something over your head. Especially something as innocent as a body shot off a waitress before you were even married.

I have known a lot of people who have tried councilling, and to be honest, I have not seen it work for any of them. Only one couple is still together after councilling, and the wife is still cheating on the husband, and still getting caught. He puts up with it for the sake of his kids..more than I would do.

Unfortunately, when it comes time for therapy, there is always one party that wants to play the blame game. "He did this.", "She did that.", etc.

As for your family, screw them. They don't have to live with her. You need to do what's best for you. And for crying out loud, please don't think that having a kids will help the relationship. It won't. Then there's just more people to get hurt in the divorce.

Good luck to you though. I really do hope that it works out for you.
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:03 AM   #106
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You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:34 AM   #107
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You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner



It's just a matter of finding the right one. SWMBO told me from the beginning that what happened before we met doesn't matter, and she encourages me to go out with my friends, and in this hobby/obsession that we all share, something my ex would never have abided.
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.-
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:48 AM   #108
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It's just a matter of finding the right one. SWMBO told me from the beginning that what happened before we met doesn't matter, and she encourages me to go out with my friends, and in this hobby/obsession that we all share, something my ex would never have abided.
Unless it favored her or made her more popular, right?
I found out from the guy that visited me at 3:00 AM that my ex got a hold of his address book and either whited out or erased any girls name in it.
Oh the stories as I think back 12 years ago.

 
Old 02-21-2009, 01:04 AM   #109
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So, ok, looks like this thread has doubled in length since I left last night.

First of all, to answer some questions. The shot was out of a plastic shot glass positioned in the navel that I basically took with my mouth. No, she's been off the pill for about 2-3 months now so I think the hormones are out of her system. My family, at least my mom's side, is super-religious and for them divorce is just not an option. Seriously, people in that family have actually committed suicide to get out of bad marriages. I don't think my marriage is that bad but who the hell knows.

But OK, story so far.

I lay awake on the couch for about 90 minutes and got into bed with her around 1. She sees me and I guess the psycho trance has passed because she cuddles and says she's sorry. Maybe shoulda taken the opportunity for some making up -- emotions do crazy things to hormones -- but I digress. I didn't say "that's OK" or "don't worry about it", I just said "I know." 'cause I know she's sorry but that doesn't actually fix the problem; hoping she'd understand that I wasn't necessarily accepting the apology but that I understood she felt bad. We then basically fell asleep from exhaustion.

We wake up around 8, she's trying to put some moves on, and I'm basically shutting her out. So finally it gets down to the, "what, aren't you going to say something?"

So I basically go with the, there's nothing to say... you don't trust me when I go out with friends, you still aren't over something that happened 3 years ago, what the hell else is there to say?

So then she goes into defense mode. She was drunk and aunt flo is in town. She doesn't know these people so she can't be sure they're not going to pressure me into going to get another body shot.

I point out the times she's stayed out until early early early in the morning, with people I don't know, guys hanging around and trying to pick her up, hell she even got roofied once! How do I know she didn't just sleep with some guy and doesn't remember?

So then it's like, oh so what, are you going to leave me now? And I don't want to say yes OR no here, but I'm like well I don't want that to happen ever again. And she says well she feels bad about what happened too and doesn't want it to happen either. I say well she has one hell of a temper on her, and she gets a little miffed and says well you shouldn't have said you were going to go have sex with a hooker. I say well I'm sorry but when you accuse me of screwing around all the time it makes me mad.

Again it comes back to the whole "if you want, bring me the papers and I'll sign 'em, have my stuff out of here when you get back". So I suggest marriage counseling and suggest maybe she's bipolar and she needs medication. And she's a little hurt by that and she says by saying that I'm calling her insane. And I say well you didn't act sane last night.

I leave for work with a hug and a kiss and an exchanged "I love you". Get to work and she's emailed me that she's read up on bipolar symptoms and she thinks I might be right. I then come on here to tell the story.

Oh and BTW -- she does work, she just doesn't work Fridays.

Also, it's bad form to call a man going through this sh1t a pus5y, whoever that was.
I was holding out hope..... for her to go online and look that up and admit there may be something to it.... you better hang onto her and try and work it out.

You are the one who has to walk in your shoes. The older you get, the less you will need to seek others opinions. Sounds like you both have good heads on your shoulders and should be able to work through this and others that WILL arise in the future. Times like these will make you appreciate the good times even more.

 
Old 02-21-2009, 02:59 AM   #110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathBrewer View Post
You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner
My only criteria for a wife was that I find a woman who thinks like a man. Mission accomplished, very happily married.

 
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