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Old 02-20-2009, 04:33 AM   #1
bernerbrau
 
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UPDATE: This thread documents events currently in progress which began February 19, 2009. It has attracted considerable attention from many people with many different opinions on the matter. Feel free to comment, but before you comment on an early post, try and make sure it hasn't already been addressed.

So, I've been married just over half a year.

After finding out I'm getting laid off, I talk to a guy I know who has good connections in my industry.

He recommends I come out to meetings with his group of nerdy guys, ya know, to network and have a beer or two. Just once a week, thursday nights, nothing fancy.

This was my second Thursday out with them. I had one 22-oz Rogue Dead Guy and one pint of unidentified IPA (I asked for a Terrapin Rye but didn't bother to correct anyone when it came out).

Meanwhile I'm texting her the whole time, since she's all home alone, just you know, to let her know I'm thinking about her.

Give her a call when I'm leaving and she's real standoffish, and hangs up on me. Come home and she's livid. I mean really, homicidal. Furious.

I guess I gotta back up a few years here. When we first came to Nashville in 2006, my dad and his then brand new wife took me out on the town. Got me drunk and somehow got me to do a body shot in this seedy bar by the river. Well, that didn't go over too well with her.

To be clear -- it was a mistake. It was bad. I should not have done it. I don't disagree with her on that. BUT -- I have never done anything remotely like that since then, and it has been a long time since I've done anything social. In fact it was probably more than a year before the wedding that I hung out with guy friends.

So I come back tonight and she's demanding to know what whore I was screwing around with that I got home at 9:30 instead of 8:30.

Again, let me clarify. I didn't actually specify when I'd be home. Last week, I said I'd be home at 8:30 but she didn't care that I was half an hour late. Not to mention, I hadn't been texting her nonstop. I also made it clear last week that people wanted to hang out longer but I cut out early, and she told me that I didn't have to do that.

Meanwhile I'm trying to be reasonable, and account for every second I was out. She doesn't care. She feels justified in accusing me of screwing around because, in her words, she "isn't the one who did a f*cking body shot". Never mind that she's stayed out until 4AM and I'm panicking and calling the police and thinking she's dead, then she hobbles in on her friend's shoulder unable to walk. I'm just supposed to take that in stride. But I come home at 9:30 PM and it's grounds for divorce?

So it gets pretty intense, and I'm thinking this argument is going nowhere. I grab the keys because I want to exit the situation and reassess the damage when things have cooled down, and she goes "oh, you going to do another body shot?"

So now I've lost all control. I tell her, "yes, I'm going to do a body shot. Then I'm going to go find a hooker to have sex with."




























































Now again, let's be clear, she's accused me of screwing around possibly hundreds of times since the "incident", and I've taken every single one on the nose. I've had a desire to say those words every time she brought it up, but I've always fought the urge. Tonight I don't know what happened differently, but it just came out.

You can't imagine the screaming. I don't think anyone who ever met her would even think she's capable of it. I'm surprised nobody called the police to report us. I swear you never hear anyone else screaming at each other like this in our apartment complex.

So I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, and probably not allowed to go out with "the guys" ever again.

Funny, just this morning, I was thinking about some of the pictures with us together in them and thinking that if I did it all over again I couldn't imagine doing it with someone else. And I thought, you know, that's something I should really tell her when I see her tonight. Funny how a couple hours can seem like an eternity ago.

You can be honest. Am I just an as5hole husband? Or should I expect better than this? I'm really not trying to escape any of the blame here. Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. Seriously.


 
Old 02-20-2009, 04:53 AM   #2
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Well, it sort of depends. If this body shot was done off a stranger, no big deal. If it was done off an ex-girlfriend or anyone your wife knows, that's probably a little worse.

I don't know how you are, but personally, if someone raises their voice at me like that, it had better be in the line of duty. If it was my wife, I sure as s*** wouldn't let it happen a second time. I don't mean that I would get violent (my mom tought me better than that) just that the second time, she'd be signing the divorce papers.

Think about this for a second... She's still dwelling over something that happened 3 years ago.

Three

Years

That's a long friggin time! I barely remember where I was living three years ago. You guys weren't even married yet, and she's still angry about it. If it was me, I would pull chocks and get the f*** out of Dodge before it's too late. Tell me you don't have kids with this woman, please.
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Old 02-20-2009, 04:56 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llazy_llama View Post
Well, it sort of depends. If this body shot was done off a stranger, no big deal. If it was done off an ex-girlfriend or anyone your wife knows, that's probably a little worse.

I don't know how you are, but personally, if someone raises their voice at me like that, it had better be in the line of duty. If it was my wife, I sure as s*** wouldn't let it happen a second time. I don't mean that I would get violent (my mom tought me better than that) just that the second time, she'd be signing the divorce papers.

Think about this for a second... She's still dwelling over something that happened 3 years ago.

Three

Years

That's a long friggin time! I barely remember where I was living three years ago. You guys weren't even married yet, and she's still angry about it. If it was me, I would pull chocks and get the f*** out of Dodge before it's too late. Tell me you don't have kids with this woman, please.
Yes, it was a stranger, a bar employee in fact, and no we have no kids together.

It was three years, but just this past Christmas she found a picture of me doing the shot in my dad's freaking photo album. Which has made the experience BRAND NEW to her.

I even told her that. I asked her why she married me if she didn't trust me. I guess she thought I'd "change". But if I haven't done anything remotely cheating-like in three -- effing -- years, what's there to change?!

Don't think I'm not thinking about it. But dammit, 6 months of marriage? How effing pathetic?!

I also come from a family where if I divorce her this early on, I'll basically be totally shunned the rest of my life. No support group to fall back on.


 
Old 02-20-2009, 05:01 AM   #4
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Quote:
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Yes, it was a stranger, a bar employee in fact, and no we have no kids together.

I also come from a family where if I divorce her this early on, I'll basically be totally shunned the rest of my life. No support group to fall back on.
You've got us.

Seriously though, I'm sure you have friends. As for your family, they'll come around if you explain that she's basically psychotic. Unless this woman is a cousin or something, in which case I think we're done talking now.

Oh, I just ran your story by my wife... just to make sure I wasn't giving a uniquely male perspective. She said "Yeah, he needs to get the **** out of there. Especially because it happened so long ago and they weren't even married yet."
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I would never use a dead mouse in my beer. It's much better to use live ones. You could probably just steep a dead one, but live ones must be mashed. Actually, smashed and mashed would be best.

 
Old 02-20-2009, 05:01 AM   #5
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I guess I may not follow completely

The incident happened long before you got married and now it's an issue? Is that correct?

Come on, we all have skeletons....

 
Old 02-20-2009, 05:02 AM   #6
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how long did you know her before marriage? that could have alot to do with it.
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Old 02-20-2009, 05:03 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZ_IPA View Post
I guess I may not follow completely

The incident happened long before you got married and now it's an issue? Is that correct?

Come on, we all have skeletons....
Yes, that is correct.

My biggest skeleton is getting arrested in a border town in Mexico. And I tell everyone because it's a good story.

 
Old 02-20-2009, 05:04 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZ_IPA View Post
Come on, we all have skeletons....
Hell, my closet is so full of skeletons I have to ferment in the living room. There's just no more space in there.

I've been married for almost 6 years now. My wife knows pretty much everything I did in my past. If she decided to bring up something that I did long before we were even married, she'd get the c*** punt PDQ.
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I would never use a dead mouse in my beer. It's much better to use live ones. You could probably just steep a dead one, but live ones must be mashed. Actually, smashed and mashed would be best.

 
Old 02-20-2009, 05:05 AM   #9
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I would have to agree with the Llama on this one. I dont know you so I will just have to take your word that you are a good guy, that the worst you had done was a body shot three years ago. If that is the case your wife went way off the handle for no reason. Sounds like she has a lot more emotional and mental issues that she is not letting onto you about. Either she is afraid of what may happen if she tells you, or she is looking for any excuse of her own to get out of the marriage.

The part that gets me with this is that you let her go out all the time. You obviously have no issues with trusting her. And that is where it comes down to it. Marriage is about trust first and foremost. Even if one party has trust issues, issues that you cant work through (and after 3 years its sounds like it) you will never be happy together.

Like Llama said, I dont do well with yelling either, once I can handle, if it is my fault maybe a couple of times, but with something like this, I would sit down with her, try to have a rational non-threatening conversation. Tell her how you feel, be honest, try at all costs to stay calm. If she just wont listen and flies off the handle again, tell her that it is over, tell her you are leaving and will most likely file for a divorce. Tell her only once, don't be threatening, stand up and leave.

You're a young guy, get out and live, divorce sucks, but sometimes it is the only choice. I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 02-20-2009, 05:05 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llazy_llama View Post
If she decided to bring up something that I did long before we were even married, she'd get the c*** punt PDQ.
wow i love this quote.
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